MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!

Sorry... that's all I got today, but its been a while so I thought I should say something... I know... such an original thing to say!

I am off to get ready for the family service at church... I am trying to embrace this evening... it's Christmas eve... its one of my favorite times of the whole year... that hour in between the 8:30 and 11 pm services... sitting with friends... embracing the Christmas moments. I am sure that it is somehow connected to the love I have for the quiet moments of the Easter prayer vigil. Quiet... slow... not about anything spectacular or flashy... not about my family or my sister or decorations or some "show" we are putting on. For an hour Kim, Darryl, and I will eat blueberry pancakes in the kitchen at the church and think about the beauty of Christmas and friendship.

Today I am having a hard day... its actually been more than a few in a row. I want to be positive and happy and embrace Christmas this year... but instead I am angry and hurt and frustrated.

I want to embrace the "gospel in miniature" (hee hee hee Kim!), but today I don't know if I have it in me. I don't want today to be about ME... I want it to be all about the birth of Christ. It would be my prayer that tonight be not about any of us... that it be simply about simplicity and living a life of passion...

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL.

Nasville, Thanksgiving, and general slacker-ness

Why am I so easily distracted? Or is it that I am not at all easily motivated? Whatever the problem is... I have been at work nearly 2 hours and I have accomplised almost nothing. Of course, its not helping that I have had constant interruptions from the minute I got here... but that's just me... blaming it on someone else!! So intstead of working on writing advent lessons for the children or figuring how much of what I need to make caramels, cookies, and cinnamon rolls by the MILLION next weekend... I am going to update the old blog... you know... the important things in life!!

**On a side note, last night I had a dream. I was at work here at the church, in the office with all the usual people, but everyone was speaking non-stop portuguese. Weirdest thing ever. But they didn't understand portuguese, they were just talking and no one knew what was going on. I am not sure if this is a reflection of the fact that I feel no one knows what the heck is ever going on around here or the fact that i need to take a trip to Brazil. Hmmmm.

OK. SO, Nashville. I went to the National Youth Workers Convention in Nashville the weekend before Thanksgiving. I had an AMAZING trip. Seriously. This year some friends doing ministry up in Sidney, Ohio decided to let me travel and stay with them which was GREAT. We had lots of laughs and learned a lot too. One of my favorite people, Shane Claiborne spoke once on the main stage and once in a seminar. I love the things that he has to say and am always challenged by his commitment to truly living the way Jesus calls us to live... specifically around caring for and loving the poor. I also got to hear some great things from the main stage that focused on social justice issues and the calling we have as the church to love and care for EVERY person as Jesus did. Like it... like it alot. I was also challenged by Mark Yaconneli and the things he had to say about the "dark night of the soul" and got a book about that that I think is going to continue to challenge and encourage me... I even boosted it to near the top of my "books to read" pile... which is about 35 deep now!!

Anyhoo. Nashville was lots of fun... and I was blessed to spend time with people who helped me enjoy it more than any other NYWC I've been to! Here's to Cincinnati next year friends!

SO. Then I came home and TOTALLY flaked on work for 2 days before Thanksgiving. Like... I just didn't go in. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. I felt bad for about 3 1/2 seconds each day. I really needed the break. 2 days in 2 years is not much of a vacation!! Thanksgiving was uneventful and normal at the Schneider house. Kristin, Rich, and Nickolas came by and we did the usual... eating... throwing the football around the house and breaking things, chasing the puppies... eating... ya know. Abby came home for the weekend so I got to have a great coffee with her at the Night Sky on Friday morning and helped decorate my mom's church for Advent on Saturday... followed by lunch with Dawn... not to be missed!

On Sunday I went to Sidney with 6 of the kids to hear Jay Gamelin speak. He was our keynoter at Tar Hollow last summer and he led another great and challenging worship time. I was amazed at the way he remembered our kids and was so kind and encouraging to them. After the fall that the SG kids have had, it was a blessing to them... and he was a great encouragement to me as well. (Just remember... when all else fails, order pizza! Thanks, Jay!).

So there you have it... an extremely involved and long post about pretty much nothing. Now i am back in the office, hardly working, and holding on tight for the roller coaster that is Advent, combined with getting ready for the new year.

Argh! Ahhh!

I am blessed.

Back at work

Soon to come I will give you a little update of my time in Nashville last weekend/week. WHat a blast. So much laughter, so much learning... and lots of challenging things were said. A good week.

Soon updates... for now.. WORK!

Happy Birthday to me..

Yesteday was my birthday.

It was my plan as I started my 32nd year of life to cut back on some things and try to be "healthier" in the new year.

Last night this is what sat on my dresser...

Oh well. I guess there's always next year. =)

Poverty

Today is Blog Action Day. I have been participating for the last couple of years, so all of my 3 readers can listen to my thoughts on the topic at hand. This year's topic is Poverty. Here's what I have to say about that...

This morning I got up in my nice comfortable bed. I had a REALLY hard time getting up... which is not all that unusual!... I went downstairs and played with the puppy... I spent some time loving on Nellie... I went upstairs and took a nice hot shower. Then.... much dreaded... I came into work and spent the morning catching up on e-mail and the latest happenings. Then Kim and I went to El Toro for lunch. I LOVE A GOOD MEXICAN MEAL. Then spent time at the Y... which always MUST follow a mexican meal! Now I am getting ready to head home from the office to spend some time with the family and have dinner.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

Last night the youth spent time working on their latest Bible study called: The Justice Mission. It is an AWESOME study on human trafficking, modern day slavery, loving what God loves and hating what God hates. It is a 4 week study we have been working on for about 6. They are wrestling with some pretty heavy stuff. Last night they spent a lot of time talking about mission trips they have been on and what it means to truly remember. What the quote means (and this is not exact people!) that "the greatest danger in the world is not the evil people, it is the good people who do nothing."

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

Sure I spent some time working on mission trip related things... but I didn't even really consider anything but how far away it is and what age you have to be to attend.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

I have seen some extremely impoverished places. I have shared meals with people who hadn't eaten in days or weeks. I have been inside one room metal and wood shacks that house families of 6 or more. I have seen children beg on the street. I have seen people dying of starvation and exposure. I know people who have lost everything to hurricanes and floods. I have held babies that have so little hope for the future.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

When do you get to the point where it doesn't matter to you? It does matter. It matters to me a lot. I hate that people are suffering in a world where I have more than I will ever need. I hate that children die and people suffer because of the way I choose to live.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

And that's really the problem isn't it. Its not the evil people in the world, its the good ones with good intentions and broken hearts who do nothing.

I want to be part of the generation that does something. I want to see people live. I want to see people eat and sleep in adequate homes and have adequate and clean drinking water. I want to see men and women paid fairly for the work that they do and children in school.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

And I am completely ashamed of that.

Thinking

I have been thinking a lot lately that I should take off all of my blog posts that are less than positive and I have been told that it seems like I am always unhappy with things in my life...

Then I decided not to. I decided that I should leave them up there. I am not unhappy necessarily and although I usually live at a rather hectic pace, I enjoy my life. There are times when I get really worked up and stressed... and it seems like those are the times I choose to blog. I could apologize for that, but really... that's a big part of who I am!

Things in life today are good, but somewhat overwhelming. I am tired of moving pumpkins and spending time in the office... but I am enjoying fall and right now, although its a fragile balance, I feel like with some effort I can keep this boat afloat!

Life. Craziness seems to follow me wherever I go. Things change quickly that are beyond my control. I am learning to let go of the things that I cannot change, which is a struggle for me, seeing as how I tend to be a PERFECTIONIST. I am learning to live my life and not just go with the flow.

It seems at my advanced age that I would have already known these things... but I don't! SO I am learning.

Things are changing and big possibilities loom. Struggles much bigger than me stand in the way... but I know it will all come out the way it should.

Tuesday....

Temper Tantrum Time

So. Today I am wondering if 31 is too old to throw a temper tantrum. Seriously.

When you are two years old and something doesn't go the way you think it should, you cry a bit, throw yourself on the floor, and kick your legs. It's immature, parents get really embarassed about it... its not pretty. If I ever have children, I am not sure I would want them to throw temper tantrums (although I am fully aware that all children do it, I am sure my children will be perfect and never embarrass me! Hahahahaa!)

But there is a bit of beauty in the temper tantrum. I mean... it definitely gets it out there that the kid is upset! There is no confusion about what is angering them, they definitely make it clear exactly how unhappy they are... and then... they get up, they pout about it for a while... but they get up. They don't get their way, they don't have things turn out the way they expect, but they get up.... and although I am fully aware that most children don't just turn off the anger... they don't hold onto it for days on end either. They might be angry for a while... teary and huffy... but they move on, realizing that you can't always win and sometimes the powers that be get to make decisions for them.

I wish I was not too old for a temper tantrum. I wish that I could throw myself on the floor of my office and kick and scream a bit and that would be all it would take for me not to be angry anymore. Somehow that act of flopping on the floor would allow me to see that I can't always win and no matter how much I want to or think that things are unjust... this is not a battle I can win. Then I would get up. I would get up and get back to work and focus more on the things that I love and the things that are important and less on the things that make me mad or don't go my way.

I think I need a good temper tantrum.

Usually I love the fall. Usually I spend lots of days at camp and sitting in the trees and I get the frustrations out and don't face them. With camp being shut down the last few weeks (and not running the course a couple other weeks) I don't have that outlet. The stress and anger I have at my work and my family and my life is building and building. It is making me more and more edgy and frustrated. I want life to be easy and simple (those are not the same thing!). I want to just LIVE... like I do sitting in my tree or how I felt canoeing in July. I want to be free from the anger and frustration.

I have realized that perhaps as much as I like the way that spending the weekends at camp allows me to decompress... it isn't the healthiest way... since I never deal with the issues, I just pretend they don't exist at 35 feet up.

So I want to throw a temper tantrum....
but more importantly I want to be healthy again.

hmmmmmm.