Temper Tantrum Time

So. Today I am wondering if 31 is too old to throw a temper tantrum. Seriously.

When you are two years old and something doesn't go the way you think it should, you cry a bit, throw yourself on the floor, and kick your legs. It's immature, parents get really embarassed about it... its not pretty. If I ever have children, I am not sure I would want them to throw temper tantrums (although I am fully aware that all children do it, I am sure my children will be perfect and never embarrass me! Hahahahaa!)

But there is a bit of beauty in the temper tantrum. I mean... it definitely gets it out there that the kid is upset! There is no confusion about what is angering them, they definitely make it clear exactly how unhappy they are... and then... they get up, they pout about it for a while... but they get up. They don't get their way, they don't have things turn out the way they expect, but they get up.... and although I am fully aware that most children don't just turn off the anger... they don't hold onto it for days on end either. They might be angry for a while... teary and huffy... but they move on, realizing that you can't always win and sometimes the powers that be get to make decisions for them.

I wish I was not too old for a temper tantrum. I wish that I could throw myself on the floor of my office and kick and scream a bit and that would be all it would take for me not to be angry anymore. Somehow that act of flopping on the floor would allow me to see that I can't always win and no matter how much I want to or think that things are unjust... this is not a battle I can win. Then I would get up. I would get up and get back to work and focus more on the things that I love and the things that are important and less on the things that make me mad or don't go my way.

I think I need a good temper tantrum.

Usually I love the fall. Usually I spend lots of days at camp and sitting in the trees and I get the frustrations out and don't face them. With camp being shut down the last few weeks (and not running the course a couple other weeks) I don't have that outlet. The stress and anger I have at my work and my family and my life is building and building. It is making me more and more edgy and frustrated. I want life to be easy and simple (those are not the same thing!). I want to just LIVE... like I do sitting in my tree or how I felt canoeing in July. I want to be free from the anger and frustration.

I have realized that perhaps as much as I like the way that spending the weekends at camp allows me to decompress... it isn't the healthiest way... since I never deal with the issues, I just pretend they don't exist at 35 feet up.

So I want to throw a temper tantrum....
but more importantly I want to be healthy again.

hmmmmmm.