Happy Birthday to me..

Yesteday was my birthday.

It was my plan as I started my 32nd year of life to cut back on some things and try to be "healthier" in the new year.

Last night this is what sat on my dresser...

Oh well. I guess there's always next year. =)

Poverty

Today is Blog Action Day. I have been participating for the last couple of years, so all of my 3 readers can listen to my thoughts on the topic at hand. This year's topic is Poverty. Here's what I have to say about that...

This morning I got up in my nice comfortable bed. I had a REALLY hard time getting up... which is not all that unusual!... I went downstairs and played with the puppy... I spent some time loving on Nellie... I went upstairs and took a nice hot shower. Then.... much dreaded... I came into work and spent the morning catching up on e-mail and the latest happenings. Then Kim and I went to El Toro for lunch. I LOVE A GOOD MEXICAN MEAL. Then spent time at the Y... which always MUST follow a mexican meal! Now I am getting ready to head home from the office to spend some time with the family and have dinner.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

Last night the youth spent time working on their latest Bible study called: The Justice Mission. It is an AWESOME study on human trafficking, modern day slavery, loving what God loves and hating what God hates. It is a 4 week study we have been working on for about 6. They are wrestling with some pretty heavy stuff. Last night they spent a lot of time talking about mission trips they have been on and what it means to truly remember. What the quote means (and this is not exact people!) that "the greatest danger in the world is not the evil people, it is the good people who do nothing."

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

Sure I spent some time working on mission trip related things... but I didn't even really consider anything but how far away it is and what age you have to be to attend.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

I have seen some extremely impoverished places. I have shared meals with people who hadn't eaten in days or weeks. I have been inside one room metal and wood shacks that house families of 6 or more. I have seen children beg on the street. I have seen people dying of starvation and exposure. I know people who have lost everything to hurricanes and floods. I have held babies that have so little hope for the future.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

When do you get to the point where it doesn't matter to you? It does matter. It matters to me a lot. I hate that people are suffering in a world where I have more than I will ever need. I hate that children die and people suffer because of the way I choose to live.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

And that's really the problem isn't it. Its not the evil people in the world, its the good ones with good intentions and broken hearts who do nothing.

I want to be part of the generation that does something. I want to see people live. I want to see people eat and sleep in adequate homes and have adequate and clean drinking water. I want to see men and women paid fairly for the work that they do and children in school.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

And I am completely ashamed of that.

Thinking

I have been thinking a lot lately that I should take off all of my blog posts that are less than positive and I have been told that it seems like I am always unhappy with things in my life...

Then I decided not to. I decided that I should leave them up there. I am not unhappy necessarily and although I usually live at a rather hectic pace, I enjoy my life. There are times when I get really worked up and stressed... and it seems like those are the times I choose to blog. I could apologize for that, but really... that's a big part of who I am!

Things in life today are good, but somewhat overwhelming. I am tired of moving pumpkins and spending time in the office... but I am enjoying fall and right now, although its a fragile balance, I feel like with some effort I can keep this boat afloat!

Life. Craziness seems to follow me wherever I go. Things change quickly that are beyond my control. I am learning to let go of the things that I cannot change, which is a struggle for me, seeing as how I tend to be a PERFECTIONIST. I am learning to live my life and not just go with the flow.

It seems at my advanced age that I would have already known these things... but I don't! SO I am learning.

Things are changing and big possibilities loom. Struggles much bigger than me stand in the way... but I know it will all come out the way it should.

Tuesday....

Temper Tantrum Time

So. Today I am wondering if 31 is too old to throw a temper tantrum. Seriously.

When you are two years old and something doesn't go the way you think it should, you cry a bit, throw yourself on the floor, and kick your legs. It's immature, parents get really embarassed about it... its not pretty. If I ever have children, I am not sure I would want them to throw temper tantrums (although I am fully aware that all children do it, I am sure my children will be perfect and never embarrass me! Hahahahaa!)

But there is a bit of beauty in the temper tantrum. I mean... it definitely gets it out there that the kid is upset! There is no confusion about what is angering them, they definitely make it clear exactly how unhappy they are... and then... they get up, they pout about it for a while... but they get up. They don't get their way, they don't have things turn out the way they expect, but they get up.... and although I am fully aware that most children don't just turn off the anger... they don't hold onto it for days on end either. They might be angry for a while... teary and huffy... but they move on, realizing that you can't always win and sometimes the powers that be get to make decisions for them.

I wish I was not too old for a temper tantrum. I wish that I could throw myself on the floor of my office and kick and scream a bit and that would be all it would take for me not to be angry anymore. Somehow that act of flopping on the floor would allow me to see that I can't always win and no matter how much I want to or think that things are unjust... this is not a battle I can win. Then I would get up. I would get up and get back to work and focus more on the things that I love and the things that are important and less on the things that make me mad or don't go my way.

I think I need a good temper tantrum.

Usually I love the fall. Usually I spend lots of days at camp and sitting in the trees and I get the frustrations out and don't face them. With camp being shut down the last few weeks (and not running the course a couple other weeks) I don't have that outlet. The stress and anger I have at my work and my family and my life is building and building. It is making me more and more edgy and frustrated. I want life to be easy and simple (those are not the same thing!). I want to just LIVE... like I do sitting in my tree or how I felt canoeing in July. I want to be free from the anger and frustration.

I have realized that perhaps as much as I like the way that spending the weekends at camp allows me to decompress... it isn't the healthiest way... since I never deal with the issues, I just pretend they don't exist at 35 feet up.

So I want to throw a temper tantrum....
but more importantly I want to be healthy again.

hmmmmmm.

I am trying to be more positive. TRYING. SO... yeah... I'm working on it.

It seems like there is not lots new to report... super busy with lots going on at the church and at home... hoping camp will reopen this weekend (pick up those trees already!!).... being sad that my puppy is growing so very fast!!

Things are good... just busy... and I am hoping that a few little messy bits fall into place soon... but you know... it wouldn't be me if there wasn't some drama!!

Onwards to write curriculum.... another week....

New Puppy!

So.... over the weekend I got a new puppy!!! He is the CUTEST thing ever! Well... the cutest thing since Nellie anyway!!

He has the worst name EVER... His name is Shea. OK. Reality time. Shea doesn't actually belong to me. He belongs to my parents. They got him from a lab rescue in Dayton. He and his brothers were rescued about a month ago when their parents were found sick. Now, my dad is a HUGE New York Mets fan. HUGE. The Mets stadium in New York is being torn down after this season and my dad REALLY wants to buy some of the seats. They are like $800 for 2, so needless to say, that's not going to happen! He would REALLY like to paint his office mets orange. He talks about it all the time. My mom is BIG time against that (understandably!!). SO, in a compromise, my dad named the dog Shea for Shea Stadium and he is not allowed to buy seats or paint any rooms blue or orange.

Anyway, because he is cute and little and I am a girl who LOVES A PUPPY... I claim that he is mine!!!

SO. Shea it is. Honestly... the CUTEST PUPPY IN THE WORLD. Nellie hates him... but he's getting over it!! He is a black lab and chocolate lab mix.... and one of his back paws is white. (Nellie's front paws are white). Awwww. Cute little puppy!!

Just thought I would share!

Tar Hollow is GREAT!!

SO... in a fitting end to what has been one heck of a crazy summer, I spent last week at Tar Hollow Christian Adventure Camp. Ahhh... Tar Hollow. I am the first to admit that most of the year I struggle with my desire to go to camp. It's not that I don't love it, it's not that the people aren't GREAT and the week isn't fun... it's just that... there is so much DRAMA at camp... and usually, after an exhausting summer schedule I just don't have it in me to really enjoy the time.

THis year I headed to camp with a little bit of extra trepidation because some of my favorite people were not coming to camp for a variety of reasons. I got to camp and hung out in the back parking lot because I wasn't really sure how everything was going to work out and I was still feeling a bit... out of it.

Alas. Looking at it now I would say that of my 10 years spent at Tar Hollow, this was the 2nd best one ever. I only put it second because i don't clearly remember the early 90s when I was there as a high schooler! It may have been the best year ever!

Our keynoter was GREAT... I had good conversations with so many people I can't count. I enjoyed sitting in the back of the lodge on my camp chair talking for hours and late into the night. I got to know people I have crossed paths with for years but never connected with. As much as I love my friends who were unable to be there this year, I felt like not having them there freed me to get to know other people in new ways. I missed them, I hope they return next year, but I feel like my "Tar Hollow World" is much bigger now in such a great way! I enjoyed my youth and spending time with them. We even had a Sulphur Grove ORGANIZED volleyball team that played as part of the organized brackets. SERIOUSLY. I stayed up late, I slept in until it was almost too late, I drank LOTS of vanilla caramel tea, I ate LOTS of good food and LOTS of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. I painted lots of bags, prayed with lots of kids, and laughed WAY too hard about the awkwardness of the YMCA locker room.

I can say that I had been praying lots before I went that I would be peaceful in my time there... and I can say that that is how I really felt. I wasn't remotely tempted to leave camp for a "sanity break" as I usually have to on Tuesday... I barely thought about the fact that I was missing the Olympics (which STRESSED ME OUT before I left!)... I spent NO time thinking about drama at my job.... I spent NO time whining about camp leadership or wishing things would change. I was able to voice my opinions and feel like they were heard because I was peaceful enough to look at them without the negativity that usually clouds me at TH.

Now Tar Hollow '08 is just a memory. It went so quickly I feel like I wasn't even there... but I was so richly blessed by it. Ahhhh... Tar Hollow....

Now I am back at the office, back in the drama, back to trying to get things to work out... trying to put life together... but here I am none the less... blessed by an amazing summer, making decisions for the future, and trying to hold onto at least a bit of that peacefulness.

Ahhhh.... summer.