check this out...

For any of you out there that may be occasionally checking my very delinquent blog, here is something for you to know... I am on sabbatical from Sulphur Grove... and I am blogging it (or trying to remember to!) at
Living Thankful.... so check it out there, and I'll start updating this again when I get back!

Love yas!!

I don't listen to too much Christian music... just bein honest here... its a struggle sometimes.  Especially with the strong, opinionated feelings I have towards a certain nationwide Christian music radio station... but whatevs.  Anyhow... there are a few Christian artists that I listen to.  I'm picky, I admit.  I hate cheesy-ness... and I hate quaint little notions about perfection and joy... ok, I have issues.

None the less.  I love me some JJ Heller.  Seriously.  I love honesty and I am a big fan of simplicity and I feel like a lot of her music speaks to where I am in life.

As I approach these next 2 days, there is so very much that I need to do, to put together, and work through.  My to-do list seems overwhelming, my motivation is lacking, and the time is slipping away.  In so many ways I am headed to where I am SO ready to be, but in many other ways I am headed to the unknown and it scares the bejeezus out of me.  I feel kind of like I am on a high speed train, headed for a brick wall stop... I see it coming, but I can't get off... I sometimes wonder why I chose this... why I am headed down this path, right now... why at all? 

Yet I know the truth is that this is the ONLY place for me to go... that this is the RIGHT time for it to happen... and as scary and lonely and unknown as it is... God is walking with me now and will meet me right there.  This was supposed to feel good and peaceful and happy and right... and instead it is intimidating and scary and overwhelming.

Friday morning this train is coming to a full and complete stop.  Like it or not.

JJ Heller rocks my world.  Her CD is on a continuous rotation in my car (with my Alathea CD- love those girls too!) and this song speaks to my heart today...

I have unanswered prayers

I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Am I in some fragile state?  Some tragedy has befallen me?  No.  Not at all... I am in a good place... its just a scary place too.  I'm ready and afraid all at once.  Maybe I am most scared of what I will find (or won't find) when I stop and look deep inside.  Truly.

Thanks JJ for singing my heart.  2 days and counting...

life

There is a blog I read occasionally.  I think I read it just to annoy myself.  I mean, it has great pictures, which I love.  I am always amazed by great photography.  I wish I was a good photographer.  I think I have an eye for it... just not the patience.  Anyhoo, I read it and it annoys me.  Maybe because it is all happiness and joy.  It appears that her life is all fairy dust and beautiful days chilling at the beach.  I mean, I realize that she probably only posts the good stuff... but every day?  Perfect days with perfect children and baking and smiling and greatness.  I realize she is only putting out good... and I guess I can't blame her for it.  It's just annoying.

Maybe its because I wish my life was a little more like that.  You know, sunshine and beautiful beach days, and laughter and joy.  I wish I could just be home and be creative and have perfection everywhere I look.

But I don't.

Today I am in the office.  It is going to be a sunny, beautiful 65 degrees today.  I am in my windowless office... which is made even worse by the fact that none of the windows in this part of the building open, so its just old, stagnant air.

Yet, the sun IS shining and the day WILL be beautiful. 

I have a GREAT job that is a PERFECT fit for me.

I have AMAZING friends and SUPPORTIVE, LOVING parents.

I have a warm house to live in and CRAZY but WONDERFUL dogs to keep me company.

I live in a place that has four DRAMATIC seasons (sometimes in the same day).

I also have a "second home" in a place that is PEACEFUL and CHALLENGING.

I get to travel to AMAZING places and I know INSPIRING people.

I laugh a LOT and have people who challenge me to THINK and LIVE bigger.

I am blessed beyond measure.

I am loved.

Yesterday, after reading this person's perfect life blog I was driving home and saw this....

Maybe my sunsets these days have a bit of construction in the view... but they are perfect none the less.

I think I will always want MORE.  That's really the nature of life right? To always want more than what you have.  Yet, I am really trying more and more to appreciate what I have right now.  TO really remember that I am blessed in what I have and be content with the blessings that surround me.

I think a lot about Japan these days... and Haiti... and New Zealand, as they suffer so many tragedies.  Here I am, with my daily struggles... which seem so insignificant in comparison.  But God is using them to change and challenge and grow me.  I am blessed.  I need to stop, look at the sunset, and appreciate life more.

I am blessed.  My life isn't all fairy dust and perfect days... but it is perfect for ME.

Why my life makes no sense...

My life makes very little sense on a daily basis. 

Not because my life is not meaningful, and wonderful and blessed and full.  My life is lots of fun.  I laugh a lot.  I work hard.  I have amazing friends and get to be a part of adventures and activities that surprise me every day.  How did I get so lucky?

Well, I don't believe its luck, but I do wonder how it happened that I get to live this amazing life.

This weekend I went to Winter Retreat.  It wasn't the raucous good time that it usually is.  There was a lot of laughter.  There was a large amount of talking, goofing around, eating, and learning.  However, it also illustrated to me how little sense my life makes.

Here are some examples of my ridiculousness....

First, I have been really, really sick for about 3 weeks.  I was sick, then I was better for a few days, then I was sick again.  It's been ugly.  However, for some reason I still decided to not only go to retreat (which wasn't really an option since it's kinda what I get paid for), but to basically not sleep all weekend.  Ok, I didn't really CHOOSE not to sleep, but I didn't exactly set myself up for sleeping success.  SO, I looked like death all weekend... see below....

 There has been a RIDICULOUS amount of ice and cold weather lately.  A good bit of snow too.  So you would think that we would have had a lot of snow cover for our favorite thing to do at Camp Otterbein, sled.  HOwever, we didn't.  It warmed up somewhat the day before and melted away a large amount of the snow.  That didn't stop us though.  We love our blue circle sleds, we will slide on them down pretty much anything.  So... we did!

 We also really had some amazing stories to tell, lessons to learn, and things to think about.  It was a smaller group than usual, so we had a lot of time to talk and really think about the things that were being said.  Adventure.  Good times.

 We had planned before retreat to have a "winter olympics" event that involved sledding and cheese puffcorn.  YOu probably don't want to know.  However, there wasn't enough snow for the event... so instead some of the "hulless" got eaten and some of it may have ended up... all over the front porch.

See.  These things aren't really abnormal... its just that in combination... this is what I do for a living.  Seriously.  I get paid to hang out with amazing kids and plan things that are ridiculous.  I have the most amazing life.  It doesn't make a lot of sense... but its blessed for sure.

Some things may be changing soon... in ways that are scary and overwhelming and beautiful.  They may go really well and big, or they may fail spectacularly.  Either way could be pretty amazing.  I'm praying lots that God would put the next steps in my path.  I know he has them planned, I just pray that I have the courage to take them.

Life..... RANDOM!

Also, there will be 2 new moons in the month of July this year.  THAT is random information, but it is what I learned at the Red Cross today... so... yeah, can't explain how THOSE things go together!



LIfe

This is what my life looks like every day, in case you are curious... you know... informing you about life here.  These are my demon dogs, aka. the pups.  This is their favorite place to spend time.  They literally take up my entire bed.  They are HUGE.  But I love them.  Whenever I think about moving I always think first thing about how much I would miss them.  Maybe not the part where they leave their hair all over everything and lick big wet spots on the carpet, but I love my pups. Seriously.  I know they are just dogs, but look at those little baby faces.  SO sweet.

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking a trip.  A long one.  I don't know when or what will happen.  I have some pretty weird plans floating around in my head.  I've been praying about it for a while and it just seems to keep looking like it could happen.  Reality?  I don't know if it will... but I hope so.  I hope I get together my nerve and just jump.  Because it could be AMAZING.  It could also fail in spectacular fashion, but I don't really do much of anything that couldn't go horribly wrong.  I worry that if I don't do it, I will always wonder if I could have... so maybe it is time to live up to Go Big or Go Home. THe idea of failing spectacularly is pretty interesting actually.

Oh life.  I need to be back where I can wear my chinelos in the very near future.  Socks, shoes, and cold weather are COMPLETELY OVER RATED.  Just FYI.

Home again from a warm, foreign land

Well, the Sulphur Grove Youth and Young Adult Mission Team returned late at night on New Year's Day from our week in the Dominican Republic.  I would love to say that our trip looked like this the whole time:

 But alas, it actually looked a whole lot more like this:

And a whole lot of this:

Our week was humbling and heart breaking.  It was eye opening and amazing.  It was funny and full of laughter, but hard and full of challenging conversation.  We read the book Make Poverty Personal... and boy did we.  Now we are stumbling and foundering, looking for how we can actually live what we learned.  But we're doing it together and working to make our trip count.

I'll tell you all about it sometime... sometime that is not now, when my brain is overwhelmed with so much to do and catch up on.   I've been in my office just 2 of the last 7 weeks... so there are a few things I am a bit behind on... what with working at a church and Christmas and all. =) 

More to come.... more to come...