This weekend Abby and I, along with Aaron and Derick traveled to Rochester, NY for the wedding of our great friends from camp Anna and Elliot.  Seriously.  It was the oddest weekend of my entire life. 

First, we went to Canada... you know, as you do.  It was just at Niagara Falls, but still.  I have been to RUSSIA and I have never been to Canada. 

Oh Canada...

there is a reason that is their national anthem... I'm just sayin, it was an odd day. 

(Although shout out to the parking attendant who let us know where we could find parking for FREE instead of paying $18... she ROCKS.)  We looked at the waterfalls, we ate, we walked and walked, we saw fireworks over the falls... then we had an odd discussion with a border patrol guy... then I almost threw up (unrelated to the border patrol), then we went to Rochester. 

It was nearly midnight when we got there.  We thought the ridiculousness had ended, but no... there was a crazy scene at the hotel with the National Barbershop Quartet Competition... no, seriously.  It was so odd.

Saturday involved Target, ihop, Starbucks, High Falls, and Lake Ontario... oh, and a wedding!  (Amazing worship at that wedding... AMAZING.).  Then it was on to the reception where Abby and I proved that we should probably not be let out in public too often... =)

Sunday we had breakfast with a dear friend and then returned to Ohio.

A weekend of celebration, love, oddness, little sleep, and now... lingering illness for all involved.  I want to call it a hangover cold, because we all got colds because we were all together,... but that doesn't sound quite right... so, none the less.

YAY for Anna and Elliot.

YAY for Rochester.

BOO for sickness!  =)

Summer is over... fall is coming (although it doesn't feel like it yet).

Abby and I have gotten into the most random habit this summer. We have begun to take pictures of our flip flops and coffee mugs.  We are so random.. and yet these photos mean something much deeper to me than what I imagine she knows.

Some see the lake in the morning with random things on the beach.

I see something completely else...

I see the beauty of friendship that is easy and fun, but also deep and meaningful.

I see adventures and excitement, but also journeys to the hard places.

I see the simplicity of coffee in the morning with a friend, waking up to the amazing possibility of what the day may hold.

I see the edge of the lake (or occasionally the ocean) and the true blessing of friends who will walk with you to the edge and hold your hand while you take the next, scary, unknown step.

My friendship with Abbs is a blessing to me and a challenge as well. 

Beyond her I am blessed with other amazing friends and family and co-workers and youth who challenge me in the same ways and grow in me a desire to live a much bigger and more meaningful life... all the while being true to my calling to be exactly who I am.  I am so undeserving and grateful all at once!

I am here.  I am blessed.  I am EXHAUSTED from my summer.

Recap coming soon!!

I love Summer.  Summer is ridiculous and unpredicatble and lazy and beautiful.

Summer is full of friends and adventures and warm nights around the campfire.

My summer is almost always full of travels, sleeping bags, and crazy experiences.

I love me some summer.

Soon I have much to say about the past 7 weeks... and the weeks still to come. 

For today... a family pic... minus my older sister, when we went to Chris's graduation from his residency in South Carolina.

Yup.  I wore a dress AND brushed my hair.  Miracles happen, even in summer.

More to come...

don't you worry about me over here....

Sometimes it amazes me how quickly time passes....

the past few days/week have been FREAKIN INSANE... so much happening... so much to do.

However... I have been committed to seeing the beauty in these days, these days that are not forever, but for now... and they have been INSANE, but beautiful...

Thursday night we had the MOST AMAZING SUNSET from the backyard.  It had been a long day with my mother... whom I love dearly.  We had one of our classic Carly and Carol adventures in the Saturn, where nothing happens as predicted and yet I still manage to consume large quantities of Diet Coke.

Oh.  and frappes.  Free ones thank you very much.

Saturday morning found me at camp for Challenge Day... where after I got done belaying all morning I harassed Heidi on her platform.  We took lovely shots of stepping on people's heads.  Here I stepped on John.  This made me laugh.  It did not make him laugh. 

This happens to me a lot.  I do things that make me laugh and no one else laughs.  For a minute or so I think maybe its me, but in the end... who cares... a good laugh is always good for the soul.

But when I stopped acting dumb and sat down on my platform to wait for kids to make it to me, I remembered how very very much I do love my days in the trees... and how truly blessed I am.

Don't worry about me over here... I'm just trying not to act my age!

On Sunday morning, I woke up at 4:45 AM.  That is ABSURD, just to clarify.  Dawn and I headed into downtown Cincinnati in the POURING RAIN and thunderstorms.  You know, because I love to exercise so much to start with.

At that point it was 5:45 AM, I was in a poncho, I was wearing borrowed socks... and let me tell you... I was just THRILLED to be awake, much less getting ready to propel my body 13.1 miles... THRILLED.

By the time the race started the power had flickered out a couple of times and my feet were SOAKING WET... but hey, runners are crazy people and they shot that gun off anyway.  Something like 13,000 folks headed out for the marathon and half marathon.

Me?  I am an official half marathoner.  I MIGHT do it again, its too early to tell.  I didn't run nearly as much of it as I had intended... but I did finish and never dropped below a 16 minute mile... even threw a couple high 13s in.  Not Olympic pace... but it was good for me, the non-exerciser of the family.

Dawn finished a couple minutes later. 

I can honestly say it was likely one of the greatest testaments to my will power EVER.  I wantes SO badly to quit... it was painful... it was LONG (seriously, do you KNOW how far 13 miles is?  FAR!!)...and it POURED down rain nearly the entire time.  HOwever, I didn't quit.  Jimmy Buffet and I finished strong.

Don't you worry about me over here... I'm just in a continual pattern of weirdness.

Monday morning brought the news that someone was going to be making an appearance about a week before schedule...

My sister had her second child, Abigayle Leeann on Monday.  Quite a cute one.  I have gotten to spend the week with Nickolas at his house... also quite the cute one... if you don't mind the weirdness and the fact that he kicks me in the head every night at 3 am.

Don't you worry about me over here... I'm remembering why I don't have children every morning! (well, maybe why I don't have children YET)

Wednesday, well, Wednesday Dad and I went back to Cinci so that we could watch the Mets lose to the Reds.  I say that with all sincerity.  I don't think the Mets have ever won when my dad has watched them live.  However, he says that's what its like to be a lifelong Mets fan... learning to live with disappointment!

This is #5 David Wright.  He hit a homer.  I can tell you that even though I am a marginal Mets fan and this was exciting... even I knew they wouldn't pull out a win... I mean... its the METS!

Don't worry... I'm not a baseball fan, but I do an enjoy an afternoon in the sun at the ballpark!

Just another week. I'm getting worn out...

perhaps another vacation is in order!

So, yeah.  I went on vacation last week. 

I went to Little Talbot Island in Florida... on the north side of Jacksonville. 

After staying there a whole week I came to realize it is actually considered to be in the city limits of Jacksonville, but whatever! 

Anyhoo. 

It was a much needed break, full of absolutely no pressure... no cell phone service, no tv, no internet access.  I sat on the beach day after day... pretty much alone.  I read 4 books.  I ate kinda healthy (I'm a girl with a Dairy Queen addiction, I won't say I didn't indulge!).  I walked a mile to the beach every day and a mile back.  I slept in a tent, cooked on a fire, and breathed fresh air.  I got a great tan, got eaten by tons of bugs, and lived in my beach dress 24/7.  I wore flip flops every day, hardly brushed my hair, and never set my alarm.

Glorious.

I resolved a few things... 

I resolved to not take so long to go on vacation next time.

I resolved that cell phone free life needs to happen more often.

I resolved that the world (and ministry) can actually happen without me being here

and its ok for me to take a break.

I resolved to trust people more.

I resolved to buy a new camera (ugh my camera stinks!),

eat less junk (that lasted all the way to the Georgia border, at Whataburger),

and to breathe more clean air.

I resolved to not let life feel like this anymore:

I don't need to be that little guy trying to outrun those ever growing waves.  I need to "evacuate" and stop and appreciate life more often and when things get overwhelming I need to keep them in perspective.

But I also need to remember that sometimes sitting where life is beautiful and amazing and there is a great view means sitting in dangerous spots.

The beautiful life isn't always the safest one.

The easy path isn't always the one that leads to peace.

The comfortable life isn't the one that makes the most sense.

I want to be free. 

I want to appreciate the beauty AND the struggle of things that I face every day.

I want to continue to love and to live.

And in that mix I want to learn to run to higher ground when things get threatening.  I want to remember where my higher ground is and where I can go to rest, be safe, and be still.

The waves aren't getting smaller... but the beach also isn't getting less beautiful. 

I have so much to be thankful for... the struggle AND the beauty. 

I want to live a thankful life.

dreaming

it's 35 degrees and gray and gross. some snow on the ground... mostly just mud. ugh. i hate ohio weather!!

today I am dreaming... of sleeping in my tent on the beach, wearing flip flops for days on end, cooking over my campfire, and pretty much doing nothing but work on my tan.

spring break campout in Florida?
yes please!

Fear

I've been thinking a lot lately... about a variety of things... and yup, its painful! Anyhoo...

I've been thinking about the ridiculousness of the fact that I am supposed to run a 1/2 marathon in May. I fell last week on the ice in the church parking lot and can hardly walk right. Plus, I am SO lazy and find it impossible to get up in the morning and run. Seriously. This is going to be a problem. I am determined to do it because I said I was going to... but really...

I have also been thinking about something else. Going to visit Brazil. Its a toughie. I love Brazil, I really really really want to go. But last year I was there. I told everyone I was coming home and leaving my job. I was so unhappy. I really thought I was going to "get up the nerve" and do it.... but here I am.... almost 9 months later... still here.

I have been thinking about this mostly because the truth is... I am a bit embarassed that I told people one thing and did another. And yet, truthfully... I have so much peace about it. It took me a long time... 7 or 8 months to get to where I am. At first I didn't do it because financially I wasn't sure how things would work. Then so much happened with the kids that I didn't do it. Then things were in transition with Kim leaving so I stayed. Suddenly it was going to be Christmas so I stayed. Then I was going to hike the AT and I wad going to do it... Then I went to Chrysalis.

Man, Chrysalis messes with me. I mean, I know its not Chrysalis, its definitely a GOD thing... but somehow in that place God really gets a hold of me. It happened again this time. I really didn't think it would be a "big impact" weekend because being a log doesn't really lend itself to time to sit and contemplate... and yet it hit me like a 2x4.... or maybe a 5x10 (do those even exist?!)....

I've been so afraid. So afraid that things wouldn't work out. SO afraid that God would call me to do things I was uncomfortable with. So afraid that continuing to stay meant I was losing some sense of freedom and ability to run away. So afraid that I was stuck and hopeless and unhappy. I have been so afraid that I am inadequate for the job I have been called to, that I am unqualified and SO very different from the other "youth pastors" that I see. I have been so scared to embrace what I know I am called to. I have been so afraid to stop, be still, and trust that God will show me all that he has for me. I have been so very afraid to believe that God can work through this place to prepare me for what is next, much in the same way he has reworked me before. I have been afraid.

And so... I took my paper heart and I wrote "Fear" and "Dissilusionment" on it and I nailed it on that cross... the same cross I have been nailing things to for years at the end of Day 1. But then... oh but then... as a log I got to go out in the courtyard with 3 amazing women and burn those papers and sing Amazing Grace... and for the first time I knew... I don't want to be afraid anymore... I don't want to be scared of what COULD be. I don't want to be afraid to be still.

And so, even though I have now gone back on what I said I would do... I'm livin with so much more peace, so much more joy, so much more contentment. Trust me, I am still tired. I am still frustrated. I am still annoyed and cranky. And yet, I do have so much peace.

I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what the future holds. I no longer speak of it in terms of plans and decisions that I have made. Whenever I lean towards being afraid, I remember standing in that courtyard, with all the girls watching from the windows.... and hoping they would believe the truth that God would take those things... and knowing that if I ask them to believe it... then I need to to.

Now... about that 1/2 marathon... oh my goodness....