three days of thankfulness

This may seem to be the silliest idea ever... these pictures of my life... however, I LOVE it.  It is really my hope that I will stick with it... because my first 4 days of pictures are SUCH an accurate description of my seriously random and ridiculous life.  Love it.  Here goes...

NOVEMBER 11th

This is the first in a long term project called "The Transformative Power of the Mullet".  Betsie bought me a blonde mullet wig (cause seriously, why not?!).  I take it to things and make people wear it.  They almost always look like completely different people.  This is Alli rockin the mullet at Betsie and Tyler's wedding.  

I. LOVE. IT!

NOVEMBER 12th

On the 12th I worked with my amazing friend Carrie Sue at camp.  I consumed a ridiculous amount of beverages for the 9-3 time frame.  This picture makes me smile because this is how many things I had to carry back up the trail from the climbing wall... and I couldn't help Carrie carry things because I had so many drinks.  I mean... really?  It's ridiculous.  I'm insane.

NOVEMBER 13th

Today was my second day on the job and I got my green apron today.  

I work at Starbucks now.  

I am your friendly Brown Street Starbucks barista.

This seems odd, that I have gone from career girl (of which I have had 4 already in my life) to an hourly employee.  It is also the first time in my life I have had to wear an actual uniform (other than a Sunday staff shirt at camp).  However, I am SUPER excited about Starbucks.  I can't even tell you why... its not just the free coffee... its the happy people who work there... its measurable success... its knowing that this is my next step on the path to something bigger (things already in the works and thing unforseen).  I won't be a barista or at Starbucks forever, but for now... its challenging and not too bad... and did I mention the free coffee??!!

NOV.10th

I have been thinking about how to spend this 35th year of my life.  The truth is I have absolutely not ONE CLUE where my life is headed this year.  It is scary but amazing at the same time.  I am living in the crazy balance of never knowing where to turn and knowing that there are people ready and willing to take the next steps with me.  I am overwhelmingly blessed.

I met a great friend on the trail who was taking a picture of himself every day this year.  A picture a day.  I thought... hey, I could do that!  Except that I honestly HATE having my picture taken... SO... instead I have decided that this year I will take a picture and post it here for every day.  I am seriously going to try!  A picture every day of something beautiful and amazing or simple and humbling.  A picture a day... then I will post them (I may not post them every day but there will be a picture for each day.) here so you can see where this year takes me.

SO.... I shall start with this one...

Those are my feet.  They have had a rough year... but just above them are my... JEANS!  Today I wore jeans for the first time since July and it is AWESOME!  I love my jeans!!!

Yup... that's how I'm starting my new year... I'm thankful for ugly feet and jeans.  I'm a simple girl!

Looking at 35...

35.  Whoa.

It's feeling a bit ridiculous that another year has passed so quickly and I am looking at another birthday and now... looking at 35.  That used to seem so old!  Now here I am.  Ridiculous.

I think too much.  I don't sleep well and since I haven't been working I've got some extra time on my hands. So I think a lot.  Dangerous?  Perhaps!

Today I have been thinking about who I am in this, my 35th year of life.  Who I am now is definitely NOT who I was a year ago, and I am so thankful for that.  Yet some things never really change about who you are and I love those things.  I am definitely a work in progress... learning and changing every day.  I never want that to end, so I've been thinking about what it is that makes crazy, ridiculous me, me!

So, in honor of this day, this new year... I'm sharing those things with you.  

Here goes: (don't you feel lucky?!)

... I am SUPER responsible and hardworking.  Really.  A workaholic at some times, I am organized and disciplined and take my responsibilities really seriously.  This year I got overwhelmed by that and walked away from it all (literally), and now, in this new year, I am seeking to strike a balance.  I can be hard working and responsible... and still live big.

... my faith is really important to me.  I spent 5 1/2 months in the woods this year.  I spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation (can I call it that if I was walking at the same time?!).  God is important in my life.  This year one of the things I missed the most was Sunday worship.  In this new year I am seeking to find a new place where I fit and where I can live out my faith journey in meaningful ways.

... I am passionate.  It's true.  I get real worked up sometimes.  I am passionate about serving and loving others.  I have never met a mission trip I didn't fall in love with, an orphan I didn’t want to adopt, a hungry person I didn't want to feed, or  a justice issue I didn’t want to attack.  It’s how I roll.  This year I was able to lead two amazing mission teams (Minnesota and Dominican Republic).  In this new year I am seeking to find ways to serve that are meaningful and honoring of the gifts and blessings that I have received.

... I love simplicity.  I sometimes get caught up in drama and STUFF, but in reality I am pretty simple, maybe even "plain Jane", but I love the simple life.  I love pure motives, easy conversation, peaceful transitions, and not being tied to material possessions.  This year I downsized some things but held on to much.  In this new year I am seeking to truly live simply.

... I am happy.  Really and truly this year I found happiness again.  I found it in an unexpected place.  I face uncertainty and tough decisions and yet I am truly happier than I have ever been before.  This year I remembered what happiness feels like.  In this new year I am seeking to embrace happiness even where there is risk.

... There are lots of other things that make me me.  As I head into 35, I look at who I am and the life I lead and I KNOW I am blessed.  I TRUST that God has great things in store, and I BELIEVE that everything happens for a reason.  I didn't go to Macchu Picchu or Africa at 34.  I didn't figure out what I want to do with my life at 34.  I didn't change much of the world at 34... but I did learn.  I learned that getting older isn't always easy, but there is a lot of life to live and I won't let what I "should" be doing at a certain age stop me from living my dreams.  I have learned that the gray hairs on my head have come from lots of crazy but beautiful days and even though a good dye job would be awesome, they remind me of hard battles I've fought and overcome.  I have learned that living love isn't really that scary and opening yourself up to others is definitely worth the risk.  I've learned that "life goes on" and "it is what it is" and that embracing joy changes things.

I've learned that how we live and how we love matters.

Life matters.  All of it.

34 was amazing.  I'm looking at 35 today and thinking it's looking pretty good to.

That's what matters!

Happy Birthday to me!

still... here...

Well, when I was 'sabbaticall'-ing I started writing on my other blog and I never made it back here. I'm still "wandering" although it doesn't always feel like its "on purpose". I'm so thankful for this journey I am on. I'll get back to blogging here eventually, but for now you can see what's up with me at livingthankful.blogspot.com. =)

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check this out...

For any of you out there that may be occasionally checking my very delinquent blog, here is something for you to know... I am on sabbatical from Sulphur Grove... and I am blogging it (or trying to remember to!) at
Living Thankful.... so check it out there, and I'll start updating this again when I get back!

Love yas!!

I don't listen to too much Christian music... just bein honest here... its a struggle sometimes.  Especially with the strong, opinionated feelings I have towards a certain nationwide Christian music radio station... but whatevs.  Anyhow... there are a few Christian artists that I listen to.  I'm picky, I admit.  I hate cheesy-ness... and I hate quaint little notions about perfection and joy... ok, I have issues.

None the less.  I love me some JJ Heller.  Seriously.  I love honesty and I am a big fan of simplicity and I feel like a lot of her music speaks to where I am in life.

As I approach these next 2 days, there is so very much that I need to do, to put together, and work through.  My to-do list seems overwhelming, my motivation is lacking, and the time is slipping away.  In so many ways I am headed to where I am SO ready to be, but in many other ways I am headed to the unknown and it scares the bejeezus out of me.  I feel kind of like I am on a high speed train, headed for a brick wall stop... I see it coming, but I can't get off... I sometimes wonder why I chose this... why I am headed down this path, right now... why at all? 

Yet I know the truth is that this is the ONLY place for me to go... that this is the RIGHT time for it to happen... and as scary and lonely and unknown as it is... God is walking with me now and will meet me right there.  This was supposed to feel good and peaceful and happy and right... and instead it is intimidating and scary and overwhelming.

Friday morning this train is coming to a full and complete stop.  Like it or not.

JJ Heller rocks my world.  Her CD is on a continuous rotation in my car (with my Alathea CD- love those girls too!) and this song speaks to my heart today...

I have unanswered prayers

I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Am I in some fragile state?  Some tragedy has befallen me?  No.  Not at all... I am in a good place... its just a scary place too.  I'm ready and afraid all at once.  Maybe I am most scared of what I will find (or won't find) when I stop and look deep inside.  Truly.

Thanks JJ for singing my heart.  2 days and counting...

life

There is a blog I read occasionally.  I think I read it just to annoy myself.  I mean, it has great pictures, which I love.  I am always amazed by great photography.  I wish I was a good photographer.  I think I have an eye for it... just not the patience.  Anyhoo, I read it and it annoys me.  Maybe because it is all happiness and joy.  It appears that her life is all fairy dust and beautiful days chilling at the beach.  I mean, I realize that she probably only posts the good stuff... but every day?  Perfect days with perfect children and baking and smiling and greatness.  I realize she is only putting out good... and I guess I can't blame her for it.  It's just annoying.

Maybe its because I wish my life was a little more like that.  You know, sunshine and beautiful beach days, and laughter and joy.  I wish I could just be home and be creative and have perfection everywhere I look.

But I don't.

Today I am in the office.  It is going to be a sunny, beautiful 65 degrees today.  I am in my windowless office... which is made even worse by the fact that none of the windows in this part of the building open, so its just old, stagnant air.

Yet, the sun IS shining and the day WILL be beautiful. 

I have a GREAT job that is a PERFECT fit for me.

I have AMAZING friends and SUPPORTIVE, LOVING parents.

I have a warm house to live in and CRAZY but WONDERFUL dogs to keep me company.

I live in a place that has four DRAMATIC seasons (sometimes in the same day).

I also have a "second home" in a place that is PEACEFUL and CHALLENGING.

I get to travel to AMAZING places and I know INSPIRING people.

I laugh a LOT and have people who challenge me to THINK and LIVE bigger.

I am blessed beyond measure.

I am loved.

Yesterday, after reading this person's perfect life blog I was driving home and saw this....

Maybe my sunsets these days have a bit of construction in the view... but they are perfect none the less.

I think I will always want MORE.  That's really the nature of life right? To always want more than what you have.  Yet, I am really trying more and more to appreciate what I have right now.  TO really remember that I am blessed in what I have and be content with the blessings that surround me.

I think a lot about Japan these days... and Haiti... and New Zealand, as they suffer so many tragedies.  Here I am, with my daily struggles... which seem so insignificant in comparison.  But God is using them to change and challenge and grow me.  I am blessed.  I need to stop, look at the sunset, and appreciate life more.

I am blessed.  My life isn't all fairy dust and perfect days... but it is perfect for ME.