Simplicity

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be so complicated. I know... who doesn't.... but sometimes I really do wonder when it happened that I got so caught up in life that I forgot how to just live. I love my life, I really do. There are parts of it that frustrate me or that I wish I could change. There are things that I do that I wish I didn't. There are things that I wish I did more!

Two weeks ago now I had the most amazing experience. (which is detailed in the next blog down). I got to spend 3 nights in the Boundary Waters of Minnesota. I have wanted to canoe in the Boundary Waters for what seems like forever. I even have a "life list" of things that I want to do and it is on there. I really wasn't prepared for it though, I have to admit. I really wasn't prepared for the experience itself or what has happened since.

My decision to canoe with the boys group was hard at first. Kim would do either and I had to choose. I chose the boys because I don't spend nearly enough time with them and because I was pretty sure that having my own tent during the trip would be WAY better than sharing one! Shallow reason, I know. Anyway, it was a very good decision for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is the chance to spend 3 1/2 uninterrupted days bonding with the boys... in the wilderness.... um, yeah. Jason, our guide, and now one of my favorite people, was my canoe partner... we had many a good discussion while paddling ourselves through the lakes. We talked about life and love and living and learning and growing and changing and lots of other deep things that our teenage counterparts were too busy whining to discuss. We also had many a good non-discussion. That sounds weird but I was so blessed to have time to sit and think (while my scalp got really sunburned I'll add!) while enjoying the scenery and time with God. I don't think Jason knows what a blessing it was to me to be his canoe partner... so Jason, thank you!

At the end of every portage, every night while watching the sunset, while we paddled around, while we sat and talked... I always said "It is so pretty" or "Wow, beautiful." I think (I know!) that the boys got sick of hearning it. Truly though, that is how I felt. Not just about the scenery... about the whole experience. SOmetimes I am amazed at my own lack of ability to express appreciation for the situation.

There are things to be said, though... things to be thought and expressed about the lessons I learned in the BWCA and at Ko-Wa-Kan, and after leaving. There are things to be said about being humble, and amazed. About living life simply and passionately.

Things to be said about everything you need to live being in your canoe (on the water) or on your back (at the portage). Things to be said about the view from the side of my tent at the beginning of another day. Things to be said about living life.

But I lack the words to express all of that. I lack the ability to put into words the passion that I want to see back in my life. I lack the ability to express my immense desire for simplicity in my life, for viewing the world and my impact on it for what it can be and not what I am settling for. I lack the ability to express my desire to live differently and experience all that God has out there for me.

So, I can't... and I won't. But that's my heart right now. There you have it.