Monday afternoon...

SO... it's Monday afternoon and what does that mean? Well, DUH! It means that I am lacking motivation and possibly staying at work all night... ahhh... being me.....

SO... this weekend I had the great opportunity to spend a day with my lovely friend Rachel J. She is actually one of only two people I have taken to church with me since I came here. Odd. It was so nice to have a bit of Brazil and PACA here... but mostly it was just nice to spend the day with an old friend. Rachel and I did the church thing and did the Tim's thing and then we did the miniature golf with the youth group thing (which I am SURE she was just LOVING... hee hee hee... yeah right!)... but it was such a blessing to me to spend time with her... because it I finally got an answer I have been looking for!

There has been SO much going on in my life for SO long... so many things are piling up and weighing me down... so many things I am struggling with and wanting to throw things and scream lots (wouldn't it be nice if I was just a crier and not so much a screamer... I am such a drama queen!).... none the less, spending a day with Rachel made a big piece of the puzzle very clear.

I miss being passionate about what I do! I LOVE MY JOB! I LOVE MY YOUTH! But with all the things that are going on right now I don't have the passion for it anymore... and when you spend as much time as I do at work... you gotta love it, right? Or it is just wasting time. SO anyway, I am praying and dreaming and listening and talking about how to make things get right and balanced again...

So... I am a big dork. But lots of people lately have told me that they think there is something wrong with me... I want to scream (of course!) THERE IS... but I am not sure anyone really cares... but at least today, in this moment, I can see the root of where I am struggling.

Passion.

Hmmmmmmmmm.