Clifford the big red van

Here is a picture to go with this story.

In order to begin this story I must say that this is the church van. The youth and I affectionately call it "Clifford the Big Red Van."

It is not what I would refer to as a quality ride.

It is more of a pile of steel on wheels. It is a 1994 Econoline 15 passenger van. All of this is important information for understanding the story.

This fine specimen of the american auto industry recently had some repair work done, which corrected its tendency to be unable to start and also gave us heat and a defrost so we no longer have to scrape the insides of the windows. Also the back seat is finally latched to the floor. However, it did not correct the crazy noises it makes, the extreme heat if you touch the floor during an extended drive, the missing inside handle on the passenger side door or the funny odor that persists no matter how much we clean her.

Usually Clifford is used to transport the youthies and their mass amounts of STUFF on various trips and retreats plus the all important campouts. She also hauls STUFF from one campus to the other, holds up one side of the tarp on rainy campouts, and provides endless adventures and fun games... like "I bet you can't jump through the passenger window without getting stuck" and "I bet you can't get to the end of the driveway without everyting rolling forward." Traditional, quality programs and events...

Many times both youth and I have been asked by other churches, "why don't you get a better or more reliable van? Why don't you guys have something better?" Our simple reply? "We love Clifford!" We love her for all of her stinkiness and adventures and having to shut doors from the outside only. Of course, we love the fact that she is like a TANK... and she holds lots of STUFF... and she makes every trip a bit more unpredictable. We just love her. We don't want a better van, we want OUR van... with all her craziness.

This weekend, Clifford was put to use in the area of helping my parents move to their new house. SHe is a BEAST. She holds lots of STUFF. She was perfect and up for the task. Until my LAZINESS nearly did her in.

At the youth house when I don't want to carry stuff from the house, down the path, down the stairs, and to the driveway... I pull Clifford up to the door, on the lawn. This seemed a reasonable idea for unloading the back porch of my mom's house as well. Or not.

So I drove around the back of the house, stopped to back up, and GOT STUCK IN THE MUD. Like... spinning tires and all. I COULD NOT GET OUT. (This is the second time this kind of thing has happened to me. Last time the van belonged to the girl scouts!). My mom and I stood and stared for a while, we tried to do all the things that you usually do when you want to get a car unstuck... and then we had to call AAA and get them to come and TOW THE VAN OUT OF THE MUD. FER SERIOUSLY.

I am done driving the van on anything that is not cement. FOREVER.