Things I love... and things I don't...

Things I love….

-sitting here tonight… in the silent church. I am the only person at the prayer vigil… you could call it “holding down the fort” until midnight comes, but for me… it’s silence… and its BEAUTIFUL.

-Good Friday. Could be called the most depressing day of the Christian year… I don’t even subscribe to the “but Sunday is coming” bit. Nope. I love this day/night. The simplicity AND magnitude of the sacrifice and all that that holds in it. Sadness, peace, tragedy, and hope all wrapped in… in one overwhelming moment. BEAUTIFUL.

-Candlelight. Somehow I find candlelight to be the most amazing thing. I love that sense that you can be an imperfect mess in candlelight and at the same time, be so free. I love the candle lit sanctuary… especially tonight with the simple lanterns next to the empty cross… keeping watch. BEAUTIFUL.

Things I don’t love…

-knowing that the prayer vigil has just an hour or so left before it ends… and so few people got to experience it.

-feeling like a TOTAL freak for my love of the prayer vigil… and for my sadness that it will end tonight instead of 30 hours from now.

-not knowing what to do with Easter Saturday. Really. Jesus is crucified but not yet risen. What does one do with that day. For the last few years it made so much sense to observe it in the prayer vigil. Now I am confused!!

There you have the things that I love and things that I don’t… Good Friday version. Good Friday is so very odd to me in so many ways… and beautiful too. Today, on my way to the church I decided to stop for a new pair of jeans (since my old ones are… well… OLD and there was a good sale.) There was a mother and daughter fighting because the daughter wanted a black sweater to wear on Easter and her mom said that NO ONE wears black on Easter. Made me think… made me think about lots of things, but mostly how little it matters if you wear black on Easter. Seriously? Uh Christ is RISEN FROM THE DEAD and you are not wearing pastels? That’s what it’s about?

This year I am sad because our prayer vigil is only Friday night instead of lasting the whole weekend. There were lots of people who were upset with the decision to make it only one night (including me! I didn’t vote for that!!)… but in these quiet moments I realize the beauty is not in the vigil or silence or candlelight… the beauty is in the sacrifice… a sacrifice I don’t deserve and yet give my all to try to earn. Instead of trying so hard to earn it, I need to stop, and be silent and realize I never can… and yet I can give all I have and all I am on behalf of serving my Jesus.

Oh the contradictions!!

thinking....

This morning in staff meeting Tom shared his thoughts on this verse:
Luke 17: 10
"So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'"

I used this verse once before... although I can't remember the context... when I was sharing a devotion with the youth (maybe!). Anyhoo... I don't always agree with Tom (the hazard of being a not at all conservative gal working with a fairly conservative pastor!), usually what he has to say does make me think though and today he had some interesting things to say about these verses, the idea of slavery versus servanthood and the debt of grace. (Seriously I bet you didn't think i was that deep of a thinker, but alas, I am!) In fact, I have gotten VERY little work done today. I have thought about this verse and the Dietrich Bonhoffer things he added to the devotion nearly all day.

I guess that's not a BAD thing... to be that distracted by the words of Christ... its not a common occurance for me... but today I am VERY distracted by these words... "We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty."

Am I living up to that? My heart desperately wants to....

I am so odd!

Know what I think is GROSS? (worse than spaghetti, but not by much!) Like… REALLY gross?

Feet. Seriously. ESPECIALLY my feet. Ewwww!

I really don’t like feet at all… and sometimes I feel like I am fighting a losing battle with my feet… but at the same time… I have been thinking about them lately… MY FEET.

My feet tell a pretty amazing story, I believe. The truth is that I often don’t take pictures of myself when I travel, but I take a picture of my feet 90% of the places where I go. On the beach in Brazil, in the Red Square in Moscow, on the cobblestone streets of Antigua, on worn down hiking paths in Ohio, hanging from trees at camp, even in the bottom of a canoe in Minnesota. My feet are almost always attached to a pair of flip flops (TOMS in the winter!) or hiking shoes/Chacos. They often have toenails that are painted dark brown and if its’ been a particularly interesting week they bear temporary tattoos. My feet can be pretty gross… and (I hate to admit this) I often tell people they carry permanent Brazilian foot fungus (which may or may not be true!), an odd (but minor!) flesh eating thing on my big toe from Guatemala, serious flip flop calluses, and (ewwww!) they are SUPER dirty! I’ve been through a variety of theories and products that are aimed at getting my feet to be “normal” looking… but seriously… feet are SO nasty. Yet mine tell a pretty amazing story. (And why would my feet be normal when I am CLEARLY not!)

My feet have carried me on extraordinary adventures… they have stood in places I have wished my whole life to see, they have enabled my flip flop obsession. They climb trees and mountains and climbing walls. They have chased the dog through the mud many times and never seem to have shoes when the gravel is particularly sharp! They are usually cold on airplanes and in the office and hot when I sleep. They are almost always tired, sore, and in need of a good massage (not that I would let ANYONE rub them!). There are many adventures left to have… my feet (and my soul!) desperately want to hike the Appalachian Trail (all the way from Georgia to Maine), they want to wander the streets of Thailand and Peru. They long to be covered in African dust and soak in Fiji’s beach waters. They have so MANY trees and mountains to climb… places to go… adventures to be had.

This time of year I often tell people that I have itchy feet AGAIN. I don’t mean because of the fungus either! My feet are itchy to head out to new and amazing adventures. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever NOT have itchy feet… and then I remember that it is my itchy, gross, dirty feet that define me. My nasty feet that have wandered the world, that desire for more, are what make me Carly. They are ready to faithfully take me wherever my heart leads. If they stop itching, would that also mean that my heart has lost its desire to explore the unknown?

Adventures await… as long as I treat these feet (and my heart) with care!

I wish I could hang from the trees at camp whip poor will every day for a month.
i feel like that is the kind of therapy i need right now.
i feel like i can't breathe.
help.

If I could ask... "Can I have this baby?"

and someone would say... "yes you can..."

I would...

actually... I don't know what I would do... but man, I wish that would happen....

Guatemalan travels...

ARGH!! I can't quite get this uploading photos thing figured out.... they always end up in COMPLETELY the wrong order... but none the less... here are some photos from Guatemala... one of my new favorite places on EARTH.

***THoughts on the trip itself coming soon... for now... just pics.

The arch is north of the square. I am usually really good with directions... but for some reason I couldn't figure out Antigua to SAVE MY LIFE. We went 3 times by this arch... and every time I was surprised to see it because I didn't think that was the part of the city we were in! ARGH!

A little boy at Mayra's feeding program/school. This was a really cool program that started as a Saturday morning meal for some local children and has developed into 80 children in school every day (and getting meals!).

This is Josue, a little boy at Amor del Nino... what a cutie...

This is Stephanie. She makes fish lips when you talk to her... she also has the BIGGEST eyes. So cute!



This is Monica. Dawn and I decided that Dayton was not ready for Monica, so we couldn't bring her home... but man would we love to... she is hilarious... and she never stops. We spent most of the time at Amor del Nino telling Monica no... but she really didn't care, she did it anyway! (and we loved it!)

A volcano... Fuego I believe.

This is Brenda, a child living at Hermano Pedro. Love her. (And she was covered in a blanket from Fiesta VBS, which we did at Sulphur Grove a few years ago. I thought that was pretty cool! Its not the one we made, but it could be!)

These sawdust artworks fill the streets of Guatemala on the Sundays in Lent. THey are BEAUTIFUL. Apparently on Good Friday they are literally EVERYWHERE... wish I could have been there to see that.

The biggest volcano around the city (of the three), luckily it is extinct, it is HUGE!

There you have it... Antigua... quite a place!

Guatemala

arrived back in Dayton late last night from my 9 days in Guatemala... serving orphans... i'm going to have to think a while about what i have to say about the trip... short but intense... so much to think about... (but I secretly might actually like babies now... especially a beautiful little one name Paty... seriously... I think I would actually keep that one forever.... which is a pretty big statement from me!).

anyway... thoughts to come... for now.... here's little Ariana and I... at Hermano Pedro....