Wandering on purpose

Staying caught up... for today

2012-02-01T10:11:00.000-05:00

Jan. 29

Nickolas has to dress up as Abraham Lincoln for school and give a report.

I was nominated to help him make his costume.

I think he may look more like an amish person, but still, he makes me laugh.

Crazy boy.

Jan. 30

The lovely Becky Gray went on a trip with me once. We flew in an airplane where Becks learned that I LOVE airplane cookies. We met for a quick dinner (with the lovely Charlotte Gray) tonight and BECKS BROUGHT ME COOKIES. Same as you get on the airplane.

BECKY GRAY IS THE BEST! She remembered... LOVE.

Jan. 31

Kroger Fuel Center.

I am training here.

It is not fun.

However, I can literally sit for hours and do nothing. Seems like a waste of my time,

but when the baggers are really annoying inside I don't mind it too much.

Feb. 1

Peanut Butter Cheerios.

Because apparently General Mills thinks I am the greatest thing ever.

Obviously they just wanted to make me very, very happy..

Seriously, they are so good. I eat them for lunch every day at work.

LOVE.

2 weeks.... in which I realize Starbucks is taking over my life...

2012-01-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

Jan. 11

A few years ago I visited Antigua, Guatemala and held orphanage babies for a week.

It changed my perspective.

I was digging in my boxes and found this painting that used to hang in my office.

I got it in Antigua. I love it.

So I hung it up... to remind me of those little babes.

Jan. 12

I am still cleaning. I have a LOT of stuff. As the process continues, I now have multiple boxes and tubs of clothes and other things that I don't want. I need to get rid of them. Garage sale? Coming soon! I hope!

Jan. 13

Usually I make the lovely butterfly cookies for each Chrysalis weekend.

The process of making those cookies took an unexpected turn and instead this time I made rice krispie butterflies. Cheaper, faster, but not nearly as lovely.

Jan. 14th

West Ohio Girls' Chrysalis #53

SO many weekend I have spent at Greene Street.

So many blessings.

Jan. 15

This bag of coffee single handedly (is that a word?!) kept my eyes open and my mind focused for the Chrysalis weekend. Thank you Lord for partner markouts!

Jan. 16th

Day 3... Fly with Christ.

Butterfly day at Chrysalis! My fave!

This is my newest butterfly... but the same cross I got on my weekend almost 19 years ago.

That's insane.

But beautiful too. =)

Jan. 17th

Hmmmm... what's that? Oh nothing... just end of season clearance from Starbucks...

you know.. cause Iced Caramel VIA is basically my HEROIN.

And those cups are too cute to NOT be bought for $4!

Jan. 18th

Today I was looking at the Cabbage Patch doll little Abby got for Christmas when I realized that MY first Cabbage Patch doll (which I found a few weeks ago) looks exactly like hers. Too funny.

Jan. 19th

Blueberry Chocolate Chip Pancakes from Butter Cafe.

What I'm sayin here is... good thing I am still running!

Jan. 20th

All the baggers at Kroger think I am cool (obviously) and they really love my shoes.

Cool I am... well dressed? Not so much!
Anyhoo... I wear these Sanuks with my black work pants and apparently that's cool.

Who knew?

Jan 21st

Panera for lunch with Betsie?

Yes. Please.

Jan. 22nd

I am cleaning (did I mention that?!).

I have discovered that for someone who does not enjoy shopping, I own an awful lot of stuff.

Although most of it comes from Target... and I do love me some Target!

None the less. I MAY have a slight problem with too many hairbands.

Maybe.

Jan. 23rd

Baby Abby wears little pink Converse.

I think that is AMAZING.

Jan. 24th

Today a lady came through my line at Kroger.

She bought Twix mini ice cream bars.

She opened them up and gave me and my bagger each one.

AMAZING.

#1. They are GOOD.

#2. Some people are just GOOD.

#3. YAY for ice cream on the job!

Jan. 25th

Today I got my partner card in the mail from Starbucks.

I know... how jealous are you?!

Really though... its just a fancy, official way of saying... don't forget to get a pound of coffee each week.

Anybody want some coffee?....

Jan. 26th

"Find the Roast you love the most" is back at Starbucks.

I'm not working it this round... but we did get loads of free Blonde roast samples.

if you want one... swing by Brown Street....

Jan. 27th

It's my older sister's 37th birthday today. We went to TGI Friday's to celebrate.

Not my favorite restaurant... but we had fun and ate lots of cake and spinach dip (random combination, I know). None the less... Happy Birthday Kristin!

and finally Jan. 28th

As soon as I finish this I have made a commitment to do my tax return.

Seriously.

Sitting on my bed is probably not the ideal place to work on this.

None the less...

Here goes...

Catching up...

2012-01-11T00:50:00.000-05:00

Picture taking? Still happening...
Posting? Less frequent since I am NEVER on line.
However... here is my effort to start catching up...

Dec. 26

Lots of sunny days lately mean lots of opportunities to wear my bling.

Love. My. Bling.

Dec. 27

Brown Street Starbucks.

I work here.

It's not perfect, but I'm learning to appreciate it.

A. LOT.

Dec. 28

Sometimes in the process of cleaning/going running/being lazy... I get half dressed and end up in running pants and my bath dress. I am an embarrassment even to myself.

Dec. 29

Kim and I went to see New Year's Eve. Not the best movie ever.

However... a beautiful story of how one of the few things we can control is our ability and willingness to forgive.

Dec. 30

Tutti Frutti has come to Dayton.

Slippery slope to my happy place.

Just sayin.

Dec. 31

DO NOT DRINK BLUEBERRY ACAI TEA from Panera.

IT. IS. NASTY.

Jan. 1

New year... beautiful sunrise.

Love.

Jan. 2

I. LOVE. PANCAKES.

Seriously.

I have found a new favorite place to eat them.

If you are ever in Dayton, let me know... I'll take you there....

Then we will not talk, we will simply eat

and

smile.

Obviously.

Jan. 3

The first time I went to the Dominican Republic I got this pin on the way back from our trip leader.

It hangs in my car.

Soy amada.

I am loved.

Jan. 4

My mom and I put away the Christmas decorations at the church. She packs them in these boxes.

Today I noticed where they are from. I, myself, have been to the banana plantations in La Malinche, Costa Rica. I have seen bananas packed there and the poverty that surrounds (but doesn't overtake) that place. Two trips to that lovely, lonely, distant place.

Now I'm packing decorations in boxes from there. Weird.

Jan. 5

Sad day. Very Sad.

Babies shouldn't die. Truly.

This is one of my favorite Christmas hymns. It was stuck in my head all day before and after I heard about little Andrew's passing.

Sad, sad day. Beautiful hymn of redemption.

Jan. 6

Pumpkin scone? Yes. Please.

Jan. 7

This is what I saw when I woke up (literally, this is the view from the window right next to my bed)... snow. UGH. Although all this lovely January weather DOES have me a bit spoiled...

Jan. 8

The church I am attending right now is praying this prayer every day in the month of January.

LOVE.

Jan. 9

Being a Kroger cashier on the evening swing shift can be exhausting. Luckily I can always find one of these in the fridge. So I mass consume in the break room and then try REALLY REALLY hard not to fall asleep...

Jan. 10th

Today was a pretty crummy day... however... it was the launch of Blonde Roast at the 'bux, and Bethany (among others) wore the blonde mullet to celebrate. LOVE.

Way Behind!!

2011-12-25T23:09:00.000-05:00

Dec. 7

Running shoes. I run. I hate it. People tell me that will change.

I doubt it.

I still do it. =)

Dec. 8

Nickolas. Is. Insane.

But I love him.

Dec. 9

I-70 Sunrise may not be as beautiful as sunrise in the mountains...

but it's still a gift.

Dec. 10

Nellie. The greatest dog on earth.

Seriously.

Dec. 11

Shea. The laziest dog on earth.

Seriously.

Dec. 12

It was SUPER foggy today....

and I took this shot on my morning walk.

LOVE.

(I have a really similar one from sunrise on Easter. Still beauty!)

Dec. 13

Hiking the green trail at Englewood Metro Park.

Muddy but lovely!

Dec. 14

Cranberry Scone.

It got broken in the pastry case. One cannot just throw away

cranberry scones. They are AMAZING. So I ate one.

The sacrifices I make some days.... hhahahaha

Dec. 15

Diet Dr. Pepper and Starbucks... two things I craved endlessly in the woods.

Now fairly permanent fixtures in my car.

I mean, literally, I think this exact same cup and can have been there for a month.

I have issues.

Dec. 16

DOUBLE BANANAGRAMS!!

My favorite game... supersized!!!

Dec. 17

Christmas comes to my car.

Yep, I'm lame like that.

Dec. 18

Dark chocolate peanut M&Ms.

My most favoritest M&M ever... but rarely do I find them.

A pre-Christmas miracle!

Dec. 19

I'm Carly, a cashier at your Englewood Kroger Marketplace.

True.

Dec. 20

I no longer have an office to decorate... so my money tree scored some

Christmas lights this year. Lucky tree.

Dec. 21

I make chicken noodles that seriously kick butt.

Humble I am not.

They are real real good.

This is when they were in progress. =)

Dec. 22

]

Abby seriously makes me laugh.

She had the best pucker going until I took her pic. Still she's funny.

Dec. 23

I also make a mean chocolate pretzel.

These are the white chocolate ones.

They were a big hit with Logan.

Dec. 24

Bob Schneider.

Elf.

Seriously.

Dec. 25

Love.

when Christmas.

is on.

Sunday.

Still going!

2011-12-06T22:05:00.001-05:00

Nov. 29

I have long kept a book of quotes. It was briefly lost, but now is found. I have been inspired much lately and have been adding often to my book some of the inspirations and thoughts of people I have been reading. GOOD STUFF. This is my quote book.

Nov. 30

I have an odd obsession with Brazilian junk food. True. I used to call these puke peanuts. They are peanuts covered in a manioc shell. (Baby eggs of peanuts they are called). Anyhoo. This is the time of year when I am usually in Brazil and since I am not this year I was craving a little treat... then I found these in a box in my closet (weird) with some other things I had never unpacked from my last trip to my South American homeland. And wahoo... Brazilian junk food treat! However, this was my last bag. Bummer!! Time to start planning a return to Brazil I guess!

Dec. 1

Another Brazilian treasure!! This is a batik a friend sent me for my birthday a few years ago. She knows how much I love butterflies... and all things Brazil. None the less, I framed it back then but had never hung it (much like all the other artwork I have sitting around my room) and finally did this week. Yay for a beautiful batik!

I miss Embu!!

Dec. 2

One of my very favorite places in Ohio to hike is at Clifton Gorge. I've hiked there hundreds of times with a variety of people, but the person I have been there the most with is definitely Kim. We even camped there once for multiple days and just went to the office during daylight and slept in our tent at night. Kinda ridiculous, but good. Anyhow, Friday we hiked together for a couple of miles joined by Kim's daughter Maya. Not the best picture of the little cutie, but none the less... this is her being entertained by "aunt" Carly after our hike.

Dec. 3

I've had some challenges lately... things that have made me struggle to find balance. However, I came across this quote recently and it made me think that I need to be more daring. I need to take risks. I need to just leap and see what happens. SO... I now have this one hanging by my bed too. (Yes, its getting crowded).

Dec. 4

My mom loves Christmas. Seriously.

So do I... but she loves it A. LOT.

Every year I help her decorate the ledge above the front door. I think I do it because I am the only one in the family who is not afraid to climb up on the ladder. Anyway, its our project every year. This Sunday we made it happen. This is about a 1/4 of what we accomplished.

Dec. 5

I am cleaning and organizing and downsizing my life.

This corner of my room is a MESS. However, in the process of this cleaning this corner got clean.

A. MIRACLE.

Documented here... an actual Christmas miracle.

Dec. 6

Today I went to Indianapolis to see my friend Dawn and her husband Brad. Their little baby twins were born Sunday morning. Olivia and Andrew are just wee little ones, at 1 lb 13 oz and 2 lbs respectively. They are in the hospital in Indianapolis. After work today I headed over to visit with Dawn and Brad and hopefully one day soon I'll meet the little babes. Until then... grow, grow, grow little ones! "Aunt" Carly is waiting patiently to spoil you with much sugar, laughter, and loudness!

yay for random-ness (is that a word?!)

2011-11-28T22:13:00.001-05:00

Nov. 23rd

It's nearly DECEMBER... which means... CRAFT CITY in my room. This year I have some good ones going, which is nice, since I don't have much money for gifts this year. This is my dresser... well, it was... the pile has nearly doubled... I'm ridiculous.

Nov. 24th

On Thanksgiving morning my mom and I did the Turkey Trot in Miamisburg. We were SUPER slow, but we don't care... we do it for the fun of it and a lot of people finished behind us, that's all we cared about. Then we hit Starbucks and came home and cooked up a huge dinner.

I'm not a girl who holds onto many traditions... this is a good one we have going. Carly likey.

Nov. 25th

There's a new movie coming out called We bought a Zoo... or something like that. It doesn't really matter. When I have been thinking lately about making a bold move and doing something that scares me I think of this quote that Matt Damon says in the commercial for the movie. It makes me think that maybe all it really takes is courage and I wonder when I will have the courage it takes to jump.

So I put this on a square and hung it next to my bed... because I really hope I get up the courage soon...

Nov. 26th

I have WAY too many Starbucks cups in my car these days... I leave work every day with at least one, sometimes two. They are accumulating in my car. Its not good, not good at all.

Nov. 27th

I have two crazy beasts of dogs. This is Nellie. This is his favorite place to sleep... on my bed. He prefers if I am not in bed so he can have more space! None the less... I love both my pups, Nellie and Shea. Really really love them.

Such good boys.

Nov. 28th

Who hates rain? THIS GIRL!! Yet... this was my drive to work today... rain, rain, rain. Then a lovely man told me that it is supposed to rain, until it snows... which could be Wednesday... then I almost started crying.

Seriously.

None the less... here's my drive to work today...

5 more days...

2011-11-22T12:40:00.001-05:00

I. LOVE. THIS. PROJECT. Seriously.

Nov. 18th

For payroll at work I had to bring in my social security card. However, I have NO idea where it is. The other option was to bring in my passport. I know EXACTLY where that is. Always. (I have passport OCD at times actually). I love my passport because it not only allows me to travel the world, but it is a symbol of possibility to me. I love that with my passport I can go literally ANYWHERE, and meet pretty much ANYONE. When I got my first passport (this is my 2nd) I said I would get at least one stamp in it a year. So far, so good... next adventure....

Nov. 19th

This is my favorite Bible verse. I hate to say that since there are lots of verses that are meaningful and important in the Bible... well, pretty much all of it really... but I love this verse. LOVE.

This hangs next to my bed. LOVE.

Nov. 20th

Its sometimes weird at this point in my life that everything I own is either in one room or in storage in the basement. I have a few things that are meaningful to me that are on top of my dresser. Things I have picked up on my travels or have been given to me by people who inspire me. It's a random, eclectic collection. These are two of my favorite things... a vase I picked up in Brazil (that was often filled with flowers from friends in Sao Paulo) and a plate given to me by the church in Saratov, Russia during my first visit. Symbols of 2 amazing and different places that are an important part of who I am.

Nov. 21st

My niece and nephew spent the weekend at our house. They really really love to sit on my bed. Nick likes to mess around on my computer (and leave sticky handprints). Abby likes to harass Nick. They make me laugh, those two.

Nov. 22nd

I have a money tree. I used to joke that I wish it actually grew real money. I still do wish that... but I love my money tree. It used to live in my office. Now it lives in my bedroom. It is growing like crazy.

So random.

4....

2011-11-17T16:37:00.001-05:00

Here we go....

Nov. 14th

Backpacker Magazine came today!! Yay!! I used to feel like such a dork when my Backpacker came... because I was such a poser about it. NOW I have actually done a big time trail and I don't feel like such a pretender anymore. Instead I love to read it and dream about other long trails and big trips to amazing places that I WILL someday take.

PLUS, see the "How to" on the front there... can you read it? How to eat better, slash weight, stay warmer, find gear that fits... wait... all 4 things that I need! Hahahaha

Nov. 15th

Today in the mail I received the most amazing gift from my wonderful friend Jen. She always remembers my birthday. She's amazing like that. I have forgotten hers many times, but she is always faithful, all the way from Brazil. PLUS, she knows how much I love butterflies AND big bracelets... so THANKS JEN!!

Nov. 16th

I missed one thing a whole lot this summer... wearing my chinelos. The last few days (until today) it was really warm and I have been wearing them to work (until I have to put on my work shoes). I love my chinelos. They make me very very happy.

The funny thing about this pair is that I had the same ones on the trail with me. In Massachusettes (I think) I got a pair of Crocs so I threw my flip flops away (they were worn out by then anyway). I loved them so I was sad... but I just happen to have another pair. I'm OCD like that!

Nov. 17th

Today after work I stopped to pick up some things at Walmart and stumbled upon the most amazing surprise!! Pumpkin Spice bagels!! I bought some of these in Millinocket, ME right after the trail. They were a special treat at a tough time back then and then I couldn't find them again. Today I did! Best surprise ever (especially after working at 5 am). Yay for delicious bagel treats!!

(I did buy 2 more bags to freeze, I admit it! I'm OCD like that!)

three days of thankfulness

2011-11-13T19:13:00.001-05:00

This may seem to be the silliest idea ever... these pictures of my life... however, I LOVE it. It is really my hope that I will stick with it... because my first 4 days of pictures are SUCH an accurate description of my seriously random and ridiculous life. Love it. Here goes...

NOVEMBER 11th

This is the first in a long term project called "The Transformative Power of the Mullet". Betsie bought me a blonde mullet wig (cause seriously, why not?!). I take it to things and make people wear it. They almost always look like completely different people. This is Alli rockin the mullet at Betsie and Tyler's wedding.

I. LOVE. IT!

NOVEMBER 12th

On the 12th I worked with my amazing friend Carrie Sue at camp. I consumed a ridiculous amount of beverages for the 9-3 time frame. This picture makes me smile because this is how many things I had to carry back up the trail from the climbing wall... and I couldn't help Carrie carry things because I had so many drinks. I mean... really? It's ridiculous. I'm insane.

NOVEMBER 13th

Today was my second day on the job and I got my green apron today.

I work at Starbucks now.

I am your friendly Brown Street Starbucks barista.

This seems odd, that I have gone from career girl (of which I have had 4 already in my life) to an hourly employee. It is also the first time in my life I have had to wear an actual uniform (other than a Sunday staff shirt at camp). However, I am SUPER excited about Starbucks. I can't even tell you why... its not just the free coffee... its the happy people who work there... its measurable success... its knowing that this is my next step on the path to something bigger (things already in the works and thing unforseen). I won't be a barista or at Starbucks forever, but for now... its challenging and not too bad... and did I mention the free coffee??!!

NOV.10th

2011-11-11T00:29:00.001-05:00

I have been thinking about how to spend this 35th year of my life. The truth is I have absolutely not ONE CLUE where my life is headed this year. It is scary but amazing at the same time. I am living in the crazy balance of never knowing where to turn and knowing that there are people ready and willing to take the next steps with me. I am overwhelmingly blessed.

I met a great friend on the trail who was taking a picture of himself every day this year. A picture a day. I thought... hey, I could do that! Except that I honestly HATE having my picture taken... SO... instead I have decided that this year I will take a picture and post it here for every day. I am seriously going to try! A picture every day of something beautiful and amazing or simple and humbling. A picture a day... then I will post them (I may not post them every day but there will be a picture for each day.) here so you can see where this year takes me.

SO.... I shall start with this one...

Those are my feet. They have had a rough year... but just above them are my... JEANS! Today I wore jeans for the first time since July and it is AWESOME! I love my jeans!!!

Yup... that's how I'm starting my new year... I'm thankful for ugly feet and jeans. I'm a simple girl!

Looking at 35...

2011-11-10T01:58:00.000-05:00

35. Whoa.

It's feeling a bit ridiculous that another year has passed so quickly and I am looking at another birthday and now... looking at 35. That used to seem so old! Now here I am. Ridiculous.

I think too much. I don't sleep well and since I haven't been working I've got some extra time on my hands. So I think a lot. Dangerous? Perhaps!

Today I have been thinking about who I am in this, my 35th year of life. Who I am now is definitely NOT who I was a year ago, and I am so thankful for that. Yet some things never really change about who you are and I love those things. I am definitely a work in progress... learning and changing every day. I never want that to end, so I've been thinking about what it is that makes crazy, ridiculous me, me!

So, in honor of this day, this new year... I'm sharing those things with you.

Here goes: (don't you feel lucky?!)

... I am SUPER responsible and hardworking. Really. A workaholic at some times, I am organized and disciplined and take my responsibilities really seriously. This year I got overwhelmed by that and walked away from it all (literally), and now, in this new year, I am seeking to strike a balance. I can be hard working and responsible... and still live big.

... my faith is really important to me. I spent 5 1/2 months in the woods this year. I spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation (can I call it that if I was walking at the same time?!). God is important in my life. This year one of the things I missed the most was Sunday worship. In this new year I am seeking to find a new place where I fit and where I can live out my faith journey in meaningful ways.

... I am passionate. It's true. I get real worked up sometimes. I am passionate about serving and loving others. I have never met a mission trip I didn't fall in love with, an orphan I didn’t want to adopt, a hungry person I didn't want to feed, or a justice issue I didn’t want to attack. It’s how I roll. This year I was able to lead two amazing mission teams (Minnesota and Dominican Republic). In this new year I am seeking to find ways to serve that are meaningful and honoring of the gifts and blessings that I have received.

... I love simplicity. I sometimes get caught up in drama and STUFF, but in reality I am pretty simple, maybe even "plain Jane", but I love the simple life. I love pure motives, easy conversation, peaceful transitions, and not being tied to material possessions. This year I downsized some things but held on to much. In this new year I am seeking to truly live simply.

... I am happy. Really and truly this year I found happiness again. I found it in an unexpected place. I face uncertainty and tough decisions and yet I am truly happier than I have ever been before. This year I remembered what happiness feels like. In this new year I am seeking to embrace happiness even where there is risk.

... There are lots of other things that make me me. As I head into 35, I look at who I am and the life I lead and I KNOW I am blessed. I TRUST that God has great things in store, and I BELIEVE that everything happens for a reason. I didn't go to Macchu Picchu or Africa at 34. I didn't figure out what I want to do with my life at 34. I didn't change much of the world at 34... but I did learn. I learned that getting older isn't always easy, but there is a lot of life to live and I won't let what I "should" be doing at a certain age stop me from living my dreams. I have learned that the gray hairs on my head have come from lots of crazy but beautiful days and even though a good dye job would be awesome, they remind me of hard battles I've fought and overcome. I have learned that living love isn't really that scary and opening yourself up to others is definitely worth the risk. I've learned that "life goes on" and "it is what it is" and that embracing joy changes things.

I've learned that how we live and how we love matters.

Life matters. All of it.

34 was amazing. I'm looking at 35 today and thinking it's looking pretty good to.

That's what matters!

Happy Birthday to me!

still... here...

2011-10-14T19:01:00.000-04:00

Well, when I was 'sabbaticall'-ing I started writing on my other blog and I never made it back here. I'm still "wandering" although it doesn't always feel like its "on purpose". I'm so thankful for this journey I am on. I'll get back to blogging here eventually, but for now you can see what's up with me at livingthankful.blogspot.com. =)

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Sent from the Verizon network using Mobile Email

check this out...

2011-05-09T19:12:00.000-04:00

For any of you out there that may be occasionally checking my very delinquent blog, here is something for you to know... I am on sabbatical from Sulphur Grove... and I am blogging it (or trying to remember to!) at
Living Thankful.... so check it out there, and I'll start updating this again when I get back!

Love yas!!

2011-03-29T15:57:00.000-04:00

I don't listen to too much Christian music... just bein honest here... its a struggle sometimes. Especially with the strong, opinionated feelings I have towards a certain nationwide Christian music radio station... but whatevs. Anyhow... there are a few Christian artists that I listen to. I'm picky, I admit. I hate cheesy-ness... and I hate quaint little notions about perfection and joy... ok, I have issues.

None the less. I love me some JJ Heller. Seriously. I love honesty and I am a big fan of simplicity and I feel like a lot of her music speaks to where I am in life.

As I approach these next 2 days, there is so very much that I need to do, to put together, and work through. My to-do list seems overwhelming, my motivation is lacking, and the time is slipping away. In so many ways I am headed to where I am SO ready to be, but in many other ways I am headed to the unknown and it scares the bejeezus out of me. I feel kind of like I am on a high speed train, headed for a brick wall stop... I see it coming, but I can't get off... I sometimes wonder why I chose this... why I am headed down this path, right now... why at all?

Yet I know the truth is that this is the ONLY place for me to go... that this is the RIGHT time for it to happen... and as scary and lonely and unknown as it is... God is walking with me now and will meet me right there. This was supposed to feel good and peaceful and happy and right... and instead it is intimidating and scary and overwhelming.

Friday morning this train is coming to a full and complete stop. Like it or not.

JJ Heller rocks my world. Her CD is on a continuous rotation in my car (with my Alathea CD- love those girls too!) and this song speaks to my heart today...

I have unanswered prayers

I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Am I in some fragile state? Some tragedy has befallen me? No. Not at all... I am in a good place... its just a scary place too. I'm ready and afraid all at once. Maybe I am most scared of what I will find (or won't find) when I stop and look deep inside. Truly.

Thanks JJ for singing my heart. 2 days and counting...

life

2011-03-17T11:55:00.000-04:00

There is a blog I read occasionally. I think I read it just to annoy myself. I mean, it has great pictures, which I love. I am always amazed by great photography. I wish I was a good photographer. I think I have an eye for it... just not the patience. Anyhoo, I read it and it annoys me. Maybe because it is all happiness and joy. It appears that her life is all fairy dust and beautiful days chilling at the beach. I mean, I realize that she probably only posts the good stuff... but every day? Perfect days with perfect children and baking and smiling and greatness. I realize she is only putting out good... and I guess I can't blame her for it. It's just annoying.

Maybe its because I wish my life was a little more like that. You know, sunshine and beautiful beach days, and laughter and joy. I wish I could just be home and be creative and have perfection everywhere I look.

But I don't.

Today I am in the office. It is going to be a sunny, beautiful 65 degrees today. I am in my windowless office... which is made even worse by the fact that none of the windows in this part of the building open, so its just old, stagnant air.

Yet, the sun IS shining and the day WILL be beautiful.

I have a GREAT job that is a PERFECT fit for me.

I have AMAZING friends and SUPPORTIVE, LOVING parents.

I have a warm house to live in and CRAZY but WONDERFUL dogs to keep me company.

I live in a place that has four DRAMATIC seasons (sometimes in the same day).

I also have a "second home" in a place that is PEACEFUL and CHALLENGING.

I get to travel to AMAZING places and I know INSPIRING people.

I laugh a LOT and have people who challenge me to THINK and LIVE bigger.

I am blessed beyond measure.

I am loved.

Yesterday, after reading this person's perfect life blog I was driving home and saw this....

Maybe my sunsets these days have a bit of construction in the view... but they are perfect none the less.

I think I will always want MORE. That's really the nature of life right? To always want more than what you have. Yet, I am really trying more and more to appreciate what I have right now. TO really remember that I am blessed in what I have and be content with the blessings that surround me.

I think a lot about Japan these days... and Haiti... and New Zealand, as they suffer so many tragedies. Here I am, with my daily struggles... which seem so insignificant in comparison. But God is using them to change and challenge and grow me. I am blessed. I need to stop, look at the sunset, and appreciate life more.

I am blessed. My life isn't all fairy dust and perfect days... but it is perfect for ME.

2011-02-24T14:50:00.001-05:00

Why my life makes no sense...

2011-02-17T16:29:00.000-05:00

My life makes very little sense on a daily basis.

Not because my life is not meaningful, and wonderful and blessed and full. My life is lots of fun. I laugh a lot. I work hard. I have amazing friends and get to be a part of adventures and activities that surprise me every day. How did I get so lucky?

Well, I don't believe its luck, but I do wonder how it happened that I get to live this amazing life.

This weekend I went to Winter Retreat. It wasn't the raucous good time that it usually is. There was a lot of laughter. There was a large amount of talking, goofing around, eating, and learning. However, it also illustrated to me how little sense my life makes.

Here are some examples of my ridiculousness....

First, I have been really, really sick for about 3 weeks. I was sick, then I was better for a few days, then I was sick again. It's been ugly. However, for some reason I still decided to not only go to retreat (which wasn't really an option since it's kinda what I get paid for), but to basically not sleep all weekend. Ok, I didn't really CHOOSE not to sleep, but I didn't exactly set myself up for sleeping success. SO, I looked like death all weekend... see below....

There has been a RIDICULOUS amount of ice and cold weather lately. A good bit of snow too. So you would think that we would have had a lot of snow cover for our favorite thing to do at Camp Otterbein, sled. HOwever, we didn't. It warmed up somewhat the day before and melted away a large amount of the snow. That didn't stop us though. We love our blue circle sleds, we will slide on them down pretty much anything. So... we did!

We also really had some amazing stories to tell, lessons to learn, and things to think about. It was a smaller group than usual, so we had a lot of time to talk and really think about the things that were being said. Adventure. Good times.

We had planned before retreat to have a "winter olympics" event that involved sledding and cheese puffcorn. YOu probably don't want to know. However, there wasn't enough snow for the event... so instead some of the "hulless" got eaten and some of it may have ended up... all over the front porch.

See. These things aren't really abnormal... its just that in combination... this is what I do for a living. Seriously. I get paid to hang out with amazing kids and plan things that are ridiculous. I have the most amazing life. It doesn't make a lot of sense... but its blessed for sure.

Some things may be changing soon... in ways that are scary and overwhelming and beautiful. They may go really well and big, or they may fail spectacularly. Either way could be pretty amazing. I'm praying lots that God would put the next steps in my path. I know he has them planned, I just pray that I have the courage to take them.

Life..... RANDOM!

Also, there will be 2 new moons in the month of July this year. THAT is random information, but it is what I learned at the Red Cross today... so... yeah, can't explain how THOSE things go together!

LIfe

2011-01-26T15:02:00.000-05:00

This is what my life looks like every day, in case you are curious... you know... informing you about life here. These are my demon dogs, aka. the pups. This is their favorite place to spend time. They literally take up my entire bed. They are HUGE. But I love them. Whenever I think about moving I always think first thing about how much I would miss them. Maybe not the part where they leave their hair all over everything and lick big wet spots on the carpet, but I love my pups. Seriously. I know they are just dogs, but look at those little baby faces. SO sweet.

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking a trip. A long one. I don't know when or what will happen. I have some pretty weird plans floating around in my head. I've been praying about it for a while and it just seems to keep looking like it could happen. Reality? I don't know if it will... but I hope so. I hope I get together my nerve and just jump. Because it could be AMAZING. It could also fail in spectacular fashion, but I don't really do much of anything that couldn't go horribly wrong. I worry that if I don't do it, I will always wonder if I could have... so maybe it is time to live up to Go Big or Go Home. THe idea of failing spectacularly is pretty interesting actually.

Oh life. I need to be back where I can wear my chinelos in the very near future. Socks, shoes, and cold weather are COMPLETELY OVER RATED. Just FYI.

Home again from a warm, foreign land

2011-01-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

Well, the Sulphur Grove Youth and Young Adult Mission Team returned late at night on New Year's Day from our week in the Dominican Republic. I would love to say that our trip looked like this the whole time:

But alas, it actually looked a whole lot more like this:

And a whole lot of this:

Our week was humbling and heart breaking. It was eye opening and amazing. It was funny and full of laughter, but hard and full of challenging conversation. We read the book Make Poverty Personal... and boy did we. Now we are stumbling and foundering, looking for how we can actually live what we learned. But we're doing it together and working to make our trip count.

I'll tell you all about it sometime... sometime that is not now, when my brain is overwhelmed with so much to do and catch up on. I've been in my office just 2 of the last 7 weeks... so there are a few things I am a bit behind on... what with working at a church and Christmas and all. =)

More to come.... more to come...

It is so weird....

2010-12-21T17:13:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I close my eyes I see Brazil. Its so weird. I find myself thinking so much about Brazil lately. Most likely because I just got home and therefore it is on the top of my mind a lot. Its also on the top of my laundry pile, but whatever!

Really though, I can't begin to explain how beautiful my time in Brazil was... the beauty that is that place and the people who live there. I can't begin to put into words the gift it was to have amazing opportunities to sit and talk and share my heart with Vanessa and Dewey and Chad and Laurie and so many others. I was so blessed this trip to get to really spend time with people who I have dearly missed that I haven't had as much time to visit with in past trips.

Yesterday I walked in to my bedroom and I could SMELL Brazil. It was so weird. I stood in front of the window on my last night in Brazil and just BREATHED. It sounds weird, and if you have spent any time there, you also know it doesn't ALWAYS smell very nice... but it did right then. Nothing spectacular or special... just the SMELL of Brazil. I breathed it in so deeply. I am so thankful. I've thought so much about BREATHING deeply lately, really treasuring the beauty of life. Walking into the shambles that is my room right now, I smelled Brazil and it was AMAZING. Given, it was likely because my duffles are still sitting there and they are full of some unwashed clothes. But how amazing it is to be suddenly reminded of the beauty of Brazil and in that instant also reminded of the amazing gift of friendship.

I wish I could express to those lovelies the beauty their friendship is in my life. I can't, but I wish I could.
Maybe I'm just weird.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I see Antigua and those beautiful little kiddies in Hermano Pedro. Its so weird. I haven't been there in 2 years. Two very long years. Yet I can see Brenda and all her friends in their beds and I wish I could be there to love them and hug them. Maybe I can't hug them all, but certainly I could hug those little ones.

I can sometimes picture myself walking through Antigua and falling in love with Guatemala and FREAKING OUT because that might mean I wouldn't love Brazil as much. Yet fall in love with it I did. And even though I haven't been back, I still see myself there. I'm weird.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I see Barahona and the beautiful sunset from the top of the guest house. Its so weird. It could be because in just a few short days I WILL be watching the sunset from there... sharing the beauty and heartbreak that is that place with my lovely youthies. Yet I haven't been there in almost 2 years either... but I can still see myself there. It's so weird. I love all that Barahona and the Dominican Republic mean in my heart. I love the possibility of there and the things that I can't wait to share with my kids. I love that in that place, even though I can't fix the whole world, I can help to put some cement in a house and maybe fix a small part of someone's world.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I see a crazy dog that lives at my house and growls at me when I try to get out of bed (that's my excuse for not getting up on time EVER and I'm stickin with it.) Its so weird. I love home and my dogs and usually my family. I love the holidays and the chance to just be inside where it is warm and gluttonously (is that a word?) eat and remember the beauty of home, even though I don't stay there very often. I am so blessed... and weird, let's just be honest.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I see mountains stretching out before me. It's so weird. I have this burning desire ALWAYS within me to hike over mountains and sleep in tents and just BE. I want so badly that simplicity... but I know that the world is complicated and hard and to just BE isn't always possible. But that's what I want more than anything. I want to spend some time just BEING so that I can give more fully to others. A break, if you will. But, I may have mentioned... I'm weird.

I spent time in Brazil talking with an amazing friend. He's someone that I value much more than he is probably aware of. He is someone that I miss so much more than he knows because even when he doesn't know it he is always challenging me to BE bigger... to BE better... to LIVE. He probably doesn't know that... because I'm weird and can't put things like that into accurate descriptive phrases, but its TRUE. We were driving one night at the beach and he told me that I can't fix EVERYTHING that is wrong in the world, and I told him that I know that, but that I Really, really, really want to TRY... and he just smiled. In his head he was probably remembering that I am WEIRD... but I like to imagine he was thinking... if anybody would believe they could, I would. Because see, that makes it mean more, that someone else agrees. See... I have conversations with my head. BECAUSE I AM WEIRD!

My life is so many collages of things and people and places. SO many blessings fill my head on a daily basis. So many things I have done and people I have met... and so many places and people yet to encounter. SO many crazy dreams and plans. SO very much to do.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I see the future... and its both scary and bright. I am blessed.

i don't wanna go home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-12-07T19:09:00.000-05:00

As my time in Brazil winds down i am dreading more and more the trip home. Not the plane flight or cranky holiday travelers. Not the long overnight or the extreme exhaustion. Not the lack of sun or warm weather back in Ohio... but leaving this place.

This trip more than any other I have forgotten that I don't actually LIVE here. I don't actually belong here. In so many ways I have lived this trip (except for afternoons in the hammock) like this is my home. So odd. It's so odd that its not home,but it feels like it is. It's so odd that I don't belong here, but feel 100% like I do. So odd.

So, tomorrow I guess I will head home. Again. To the land of snow and cold temps. I will return warm, tanned, and rested *plus sporting some extra Brazil pounds from the mass quantities of food I've consumed*, but also more peaceful, and more confused.

How I love Brazil. When I tell people that if God called me back I would come, I'm not kidding at all. I'm not sure I am ready to move back, to give up some of the things that I still hope for, but I would do it in a heartbeat if I knew I was supposed to be here.

I love Brazil. I'll miss it so very much. I can't believe I have to go home. Dumb job... why do I have to have one of those?! ?!!!

But I love Ohio too. I can't wait to hug my fam and see the pups and mess with the youth. I love my job and my home and my life. I love the gifts God has given me and the places he has led me to.

What a blessing. To know that if I stay in Ohio or come back here, if I live in Idaho or China or anywhere in between that God has blessed and led and I have followed... that is all I seek. I am so richly blessed to have two amazing homes, in two very different places, with very different people. Two places that I love and cherish. I will miss Brazil so very much. I am so sad to see it be over... but I know it is always here and I will live thankful for the time I have been given.

I am blessed!!!

34... how did that happen?!

2010-11-10T14:08:00.000-05:00

Whoa. Today is my 34th birthday. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
Birthdays don't scare me or embarass me or bother me or anything... its just that sometimes I can't believe how quickly the years have gone and how much older I have gotten.

The above picture is from a recent campout at Indian Lake with some lovely girls that I spend time with talking, reading, praying, and seeking God. And laughing. So very much laughing. They are amazing. A year ago I only knew one of them (Abby- in the red) and I really only knew her marginally, from camp. CRAZY. These girls are such a great part of my life that I can't imagine I didn't know them a year ago... what did I do without them?! So in honor of these lovely ladies, I thought I would write a little "I appreciate, I miss" list in honor of my birthday, another year of living this amazing and blessed life!

SO, I appreciate:
1. Friends- I have amazing friends that I certainly don't deserve who love me in spite of my ridiculous tendency to be late, uncommunicative, busy, and unable to find my phone. I love them because they inspire, challenge, encourage, and amuse me. They don't judge me by the fact that even though I am 34 I act like I am 12, I am easily distracted, I forget to reply to e-mails, and I constantly tempt them with sweet treats. I love my friends. I love them more every day. I wish I could convey to them how very important they are to me... but since i can't I will just say I appreciate them.

2. Family- I have a ridiculous family. Seriously. They often annoy the be-jeezus out of me. Sometimes I can't stand to be in the same room with them. But really, I love them. I love their ridiculousness, I love their babies (which I know are my family too, but I'm just sayin). I love that they let me feed their children sugar, tell them white lies, and generally serve as their crazy aunt. I love that my parents don't even mind a bit that I am just me, and don't expect me to be anyone else. I love that my siblings and I are so very different and yet they allow me to be me (not without some judgements) with the craziness associated with it.

3. My youth- I have never encountered a group of people that I worry so much about. NOt because they are going to do bad things (most of the time) but because they are INSANE and want to do things like make zombie movies in church- and are DEAD SERIOUS about gettin it done. I love those kids. Man, they are RIDICULOUS. But I appreciate them and their willingness to stretch and see where God may lead us.

4. Traveling- I've gotten to travel so much this year and I have appreciated it so much. So very many people that I have gotten to spend time with and enjoy the company of. And as the clock ticks towards my inpending trips to Nashville, Brazil, and the Dominican Republic I appreciate my freedom to travel and the fact that I live a life that affords me such joys.

5. My dogs. Seriously. I'm a dog lover. Nellie and Shea are my loves. If I could get one more pup (its always just one more) I would have a Hugo and feel complete. Bur really I appreciate those pups and their unconditional love more than I can express.

6. My life- I am so blessed. Beyond measure or reason really. No one should get to live THIS amazing of a life. I am SO. BLESSED.

I miss...
1. My friends in Brazil and other far off places. Like Indiana. Seriously. What a blessing it is to have such amazing friends. Now, if you could all just move into my basement so I can see you every day that would be great. HOpe you like dogs! =) Seriously though. I miss them for the things they taught me, the life they encourage me to live and the unconditional love they surround me with. Blessings.

2. When I cared. I used to care about things like cute shoes and brushing my hair. Now I really don't. I don't think that is a bad thing at all... it kinda fits my free spirit a little better anyway, but I do miss that Carly that was more put together... gahhhh. I'm a mess!

3. My sanity and sleep. Two things I have given up in favor of living this crazy life. I wouldn't trade one for the other, I just miss sanity.

4. My brown hair... or red... or blonde... whatever color it was before it started going so gray. Seriously.

5. The good old days. But then, who doesn't?!

WHat an amazing and blessed life I live. Really truly. I am so thankful for 34 years and can't wait to see what the next 34 have in store. AHHHHHHHH!

2010-10-04T15:07:00.000-04:00

It's 3:00 on Monday afternoon. Outside it is rainy and chilly, but I can't see that because I don't have a window in my office... (ho hum, poor me!). No one else is in the office and it is quite and peaceful. I don't know where everyone else is... that used to bother me a lot. Why do I have to work when they don't?! But now I'm good with it. Good with quiet and peace and getting things done (or not!). I'm good with it.

Today I get to sit at my desk and eat my EasyMac (gross and good all at once!)... and think... and be peaceful. I had such a long strange weekend. From coffee and dinner with wonderful friends on Friday night to a long, wet, cold day in the trees at the Challenge Course on Saturday to a long day of church and meetings and dinner and FaithWeavers on Sunday... I am blessed, but its also good to be quiet.

So, I will sit and enjoy my mac n cheese... I will proofread more curriculum... I will probably watch the Amazing Race on my laptop... and eventually I will wander home to hug my dogs and proofread some more.

So many things and adventures and possibilities and stresses and travels and overwhelming things and blessings all loom on the horizon... yet here I am...today, enjoying this quiet office (if the phone would stop ringing!)... and remembering that I am blessed and loved and today, there is peace... no matter what tomorrow brings.

2010-09-27T15:47:00.000-04:00

This weekend Abby and I, along with Aaron and Derick traveled to Rochester, NY for the wedding of our great friends from camp Anna and Elliot. Seriously. It was the oddest weekend of my entire life.

First, we went to Canada... you know, as you do. It was just at Niagara Falls, but still. I have been to RUSSIA and I have never been to Canada.

Oh Canada...

there is a reason that is their national anthem... I'm just sayin, it was an odd day.

(Although shout out to the parking attendant who let us know where we could find parking for FREE instead of paying $18... she ROCKS.) We looked at the waterfalls, we ate, we walked and walked, we saw fireworks over the falls... then we had an odd discussion with a border patrol guy... then I almost threw up (unrelated to the border patrol), then we went to Rochester.

It was nearly midnight when we got there. We thought the ridiculousness had ended, but no... there was a crazy scene at the hotel with the National Barbershop Quartet Competition... no, seriously. It was so odd.

Saturday involved Target, ihop, Starbucks, High Falls, and Lake Ontario... oh, and a wedding! (Amazing worship at that wedding... AMAZING.). Then it was on to the reception where Abby and I proved that we should probably not be let out in public too often... =)

Sunday we had breakfast with a dear friend and then returned to Ohio.

A weekend of celebration, love, oddness, little sleep, and now... lingering illness for all involved. I want to call it a hangover cold, because we all got colds because we were all together,... but that doesn't sound quite right... so, none the less.

YAY for Anna and Elliot.

YAY for Rochester.

BOO for sickness! =)

2010-08-17T17:11:00.000-04:00

Summer is over... fall is coming (although it doesn't feel like it yet).

Abby and I have gotten into the most random habit this summer. We have begun to take pictures of our flip flops and coffee mugs. We are so random.. and yet these photos mean something much deeper to me than what I imagine she knows.

Some see the lake in the morning with random things on the beach.

I see something completely else...

I see the beauty of friendship that is easy and fun, but also deep and meaningful.

I see adventures and excitement, but also journeys to the hard places.

I see the simplicity of coffee in the morning with a friend, waking up to the amazing possibility of what the day may hold.

I see the edge of the lake (or occasionally the ocean) and the true blessing of friends who will walk with you to the edge and hold your hand while you take the next, scary, unknown step.

My friendship with Abbs is a blessing to me and a challenge as well.

Beyond her I am blessed with other amazing friends and family and co-workers and youth who challenge me in the same ways and grow in me a desire to live a much bigger and more meaningful life... all the while being true to my calling to be exactly who I am. I am so undeserving and grateful all at once!

I am here. I am blessed. I am EXHAUSTED from my summer.

Recap coming soon!!

2010-07-13T17:10:00.000-04:00

I love Summer. Summer is ridiculous and unpredicatble and lazy and beautiful.

Summer is full of friends and adventures and warm nights around the campfire.

My summer is almost always full of travels, sleeping bags, and crazy experiences.

I love me some summer.

Soon I have much to say about the past 7 weeks... and the weeks still to come.

For today... a family pic... minus my older sister, when we went to Chris's graduation from his residency in South Carolina.

Yup. I wore a dress AND brushed my hair. Miracles happen, even in summer.

More to come...

don't you worry about me over here....

2010-05-06T14:08:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it amazes me how quickly time passes....

the past few days/week have been FREAKIN INSANE... so much happening... so much to do.

However... I have been committed to seeing the beauty in these days, these days that are not forever, but for now... and they have been INSANE, but beautiful...

Thursday night we had the MOST AMAZING SUNSET from the backyard. It had been a long day with my mother... whom I love dearly. We had one of our classic Carly and Carol adventures in the Saturn, where nothing happens as predicted and yet I still manage to consume large quantities of Diet Coke.

Oh. and frappes. Free ones thank you very much.

Saturday morning found me at camp for Challenge Day... where after I got done belaying all morning I harassed Heidi on her platform. We took lovely shots of stepping on people's heads. Here I stepped on John. This made me laugh. It did not make him laugh.

This happens to me a lot. I do things that make me laugh and no one else laughs. For a minute or so I think maybe its me, but in the end... who cares... a good laugh is always good for the soul.

But when I stopped acting dumb and sat down on my platform to wait for kids to make it to me, I remembered how very very much I do love my days in the trees... and how truly blessed I am.

Don't worry about me over here... I'm just trying not to act my age!

On Sunday morning, I woke up at 4:45 AM. That is ABSURD, just to clarify. Dawn and I headed into downtown Cincinnati in the POURING RAIN and thunderstorms. You know, because I love to exercise so much to start with.

At that point it was 5:45 AM, I was in a poncho, I was wearing borrowed socks... and let me tell you... I was just THRILLED to be awake, much less getting ready to propel my body 13.1 miles... THRILLED.

By the time the race started the power had flickered out a couple of times and my feet were SOAKING WET... but hey, runners are crazy people and they shot that gun off anyway. Something like 13,000 folks headed out for the marathon and half marathon.

Me? I am an official half marathoner. I MIGHT do it again, its too early to tell. I didn't run nearly as much of it as I had intended... but I did finish and never dropped below a 16 minute mile... even threw a couple high 13s in. Not Olympic pace... but it was good for me, the non-exerciser of the family.

Dawn finished a couple minutes later.

I can honestly say it was likely one of the greatest testaments to my will power EVER. I wantes SO badly to quit... it was painful... it was LONG (seriously, do you KNOW how far 13 miles is? FAR!!)...and it POURED down rain nearly the entire time. HOwever, I didn't quit. Jimmy Buffet and I finished strong.

Don't you worry about me over here... I'm just in a continual pattern of weirdness.

Monday morning brought the news that someone was going to be making an appearance about a week before schedule...

My sister had her second child, Abigayle Leeann on Monday. Quite a cute one. I have gotten to spend the week with Nickolas at his house... also quite the cute one... if you don't mind the weirdness and the fact that he kicks me in the head every night at 3 am.

Don't you worry about me over here... I'm remembering why I don't have children every morning! (well, maybe why I don't have children YET)

Wednesday, well, Wednesday Dad and I went back to Cinci so that we could watch the Mets lose to the Reds. I say that with all sincerity. I don't think the Mets have ever won when my dad has watched them live. However, he says that's what its like to be a lifelong Mets fan... learning to live with disappointment!

This is #5 David Wright. He hit a homer. I can tell you that even though I am a marginal Mets fan and this was exciting... even I knew they wouldn't pull out a win... I mean... its the METS!

Don't worry... I'm not a baseball fan, but I do an enjoy an afternoon in the sun at the ballpark!

Just another week. I'm getting worn out...

perhaps another vacation is in order!

2010-04-20T15:39:00.000-04:00

So, yeah. I went on vacation last week.

I went to Little Talbot Island in Florida... on the north side of Jacksonville.

After staying there a whole week I came to realize it is actually considered to be in the city limits of Jacksonville, but whatever!

Anyhoo.

It was a much needed break, full of absolutely no pressure... no cell phone service, no tv, no internet access. I sat on the beach day after day... pretty much alone. I read 4 books. I ate kinda healthy (I'm a girl with a Dairy Queen addiction, I won't say I didn't indulge!). I walked a mile to the beach every day and a mile back. I slept in a tent, cooked on a fire, and breathed fresh air. I got a great tan, got eaten by tons of bugs, and lived in my beach dress 24/7. I wore flip flops every day, hardly brushed my hair, and never set my alarm.

Glorious.

I resolved a few things...

I resolved to not take so long to go on vacation next time.

I resolved that cell phone free life needs to happen more often.

I resolved that the world (and ministry) can actually happen without me being here

and its ok for me to take a break.

I resolved to trust people more.

I resolved to buy a new camera (ugh my camera stinks!),

eat less junk (that lasted all the way to the Georgia border, at Whataburger),

and to breathe more clean air.

I resolved to not let life feel like this anymore:

I don't need to be that little guy trying to outrun those ever growing waves. I need to "evacuate" and stop and appreciate life more often and when things get overwhelming I need to keep them in perspective.

But I also need to remember that sometimes sitting where life is beautiful and amazing and there is a great view means sitting in dangerous spots.

The beautiful life isn't always the safest one.

The easy path isn't always the one that leads to peace.

The comfortable life isn't the one that makes the most sense.

I want to be free.

I want to appreciate the beauty AND the struggle of things that I face every day.

I want to continue to love and to live.

And in that mix I want to learn to run to higher ground when things get threatening. I want to remember where my higher ground is and where I can go to rest, be safe, and be still.

The waves aren't getting smaller... but the beach also isn't getting less beautiful.

I have so much to be thankful for... the struggle AND the beauty.

I want to live a thankful life.

dreaming

2010-03-03T14:43:00.000-05:00

it's 35 degrees and gray and gross. some snow on the ground... mostly just mud. ugh. i hate ohio weather!!

today I am dreaming... of sleeping in my tent on the beach, wearing flip flops for days on end, cooking over my campfire, and pretty much doing nothing but work on my tan.

spring break campout in Florida?
yes please!

Fear

2010-02-03T14:10:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately... about a variety of things... and yup, its painful! Anyhoo...

I've been thinking about the ridiculousness of the fact that I am supposed to run a 1/2 marathon in May. I fell last week on the ice in the church parking lot and can hardly walk right. Plus, I am SO lazy and find it impossible to get up in the morning and run. Seriously. This is going to be a problem. I am determined to do it because I said I was going to... but really...

I have also been thinking about something else. Going to visit Brazil. Its a toughie. I love Brazil, I really really really want to go. But last year I was there. I told everyone I was coming home and leaving my job. I was so unhappy. I really thought I was going to "get up the nerve" and do it.... but here I am.... almost 9 months later... still here.

I have been thinking about this mostly because the truth is... I am a bit embarassed that I told people one thing and did another. And yet, truthfully... I have so much peace about it. It took me a long time... 7 or 8 months to get to where I am. At first I didn't do it because financially I wasn't sure how things would work. Then so much happened with the kids that I didn't do it. Then things were in transition with Kim leaving so I stayed. Suddenly it was going to be Christmas so I stayed. Then I was going to hike the AT and I wad going to do it... Then I went to Chrysalis.

Man, Chrysalis messes with me. I mean, I know its not Chrysalis, its definitely a GOD thing... but somehow in that place God really gets a hold of me. It happened again this time. I really didn't think it would be a "big impact" weekend because being a log doesn't really lend itself to time to sit and contemplate... and yet it hit me like a 2x4.... or maybe a 5x10 (do those even exist?!)....

I've been so afraid. So afraid that things wouldn't work out. SO afraid that God would call me to do things I was uncomfortable with. So afraid that continuing to stay meant I was losing some sense of freedom and ability to run away. So afraid that I was stuck and hopeless and unhappy. I have been so afraid that I am inadequate for the job I have been called to, that I am unqualified and SO very different from the other "youth pastors" that I see. I have been so scared to embrace what I know I am called to. I have been so afraid to stop, be still, and trust that God will show me all that he has for me. I have been so very afraid to believe that God can work through this place to prepare me for what is next, much in the same way he has reworked me before. I have been afraid.

And so... I took my paper heart and I wrote "Fear" and "Dissilusionment" on it and I nailed it on that cross... the same cross I have been nailing things to for years at the end of Day 1. But then... oh but then... as a log I got to go out in the courtyard with 3 amazing women and burn those papers and sing Amazing Grace... and for the first time I knew... I don't want to be afraid anymore... I don't want to be scared of what COULD be. I don't want to be afraid to be still.

And so, even though I have now gone back on what I said I would do... I'm livin with so much more peace, so much more joy, so much more contentment. Trust me, I am still tired. I am still frustrated. I am still annoyed and cranky. And yet, I do have so much peace.

I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what the future holds. I no longer speak of it in terms of plans and decisions that I have made. Whenever I lean towards being afraid, I remember standing in that courtyard, with all the girls watching from the windows.... and hoping they would believe the truth that God would take those things... and knowing that if I ask them to believe it... then I need to to.

Now... about that 1/2 marathon... oh my goodness....

2010-01-04T13:39:00.002-05:00

Its a brand new year... and already I am overwhelmed by the number of important decisions I need to make, the amount of details there are to consider, the quantity of patience I need to posess. I am already tired of thinking so hard about things that could change everything.

Some days I wish that the most important decision could be what kind of coffee to order... but I haven't had a day like that in a long time.

People tell me often that it is because I am in need of a vacation... and I haven't taken one in a very, very long time... but my reality is that these decisions and thoughts and details would follow me where I go... and so taking a vacation is really only taking all the "junk" and transporting it to a new place.

SO often I think I have life figured out and I tell people the decisions I have made... only to have them fall through or fall apart... and somewhere in the mix I realize that I really need to stop praying to learn patience!! haha. No, really I learn that this whole thing is both much much bigger and much much smaller than I like to think. It's bigger than my hopes and dreams and plans and goals... and yet it is so much smaller and inconsequential that I can imagine... little puny me... so many struggles.

I am reading Crazy Love right now by Francis Chan. Yes, I realize I am on the tail end of what was a big reading craze, but HEY, I always do things in my own timing! Anyhoo, he talks about how stress and worry are just our ways of inflating our self importance and ceasing to rely on God. Oh Francis, thanks for kicking my butt again... love it... hate it!

Anyhoo. It's MOnday, I'm back in the grind of life after a fairly unmotivated and non-accomplishing holiday break. I need to focus. I need to be warm. I need to make these decisions...

coffee anyone? I could use some guidance!

New Year Thoughts...

2009-12-30T15:38:00.008-05:00

I have a little puny brain. I have a brain that cannot begin to comprehend how it is that 2009 has nearly ended and 2010 is here. I have a little brain that cannot comprehend that a decade has now past since I was sitting on the mall in Washington D.C, with Jennie, young and carefree and so excited about what the 2000s would hold. I have a little brain. A brain that cannot begin to comprehend all that has happened since that night, how much the world has changed, how much I have changed, how very much has happened.

***

In the tradition I have kept of saying both goodbye and hello to a new year, I have begun to look back at all that has happened in 2009 (a whole decade is much too much to comprehend). So many times I have posted pictures here of things that have happened… with the promise of more to come. I never post the more! So here is what I will never forget about 2009, in semi-chronological order… (sorry, a lot happened, its pretty wordy!)

***

Girl’s Chrysalis #47… a weekend that reminded me that I LOVE youth ministry, that I called to it, and that my passion for it (although it waivers) is as strong as ever. I learned that some things in life you just can’t deny. My calling to youth ministry is one of those things!

***

Winter Youth Retreat happened with hardly any snow, until a huge storm hit late Saturday night…. During which I realized that I have become one of THOSE youth pastors… the kind that thinks night sledding on a dark, icy hill is a GOOD idea and everyone survives, thus not learning ANY kind of lesson!

***

In Guatemala I held babies for a week. A week that forever changed my perspective about both missions and those who lead. I learned that I never want to be the kind of leader who leads by intimidation and condescending. I learned that my passion is to plug people into where they are called, not shove them into holes I have premade for them. I also learned that I LOVE GUATEMALA. I learned that holding babies for a week both soothes the soul and breaks the heart.

I learned that I am much more emotional than I like to admit.

***

Challenge Course Training where Carrie and I imparted to a new generation both a love for the trees and knowledge that if not used correctly could kill someone is where I learned that with leadership comes great responsibility. (and that the peanut butter milkshake is sorely underappreciated.)

***

This year’s trip to Brazil took me back to the place I love and call home. I met new friends and spent time with old ones. I learned the beautiful truth that you really can go home again and that absence really does make the heart fonder. I learned that old friends, who have loved you through the messes you make of yourself truly are the best. I learned that life is about loving, not always about letting go.

***

In Louisiana I nearly sweated the skin off my body… and learned that the church has much work to do, and that being the hands and feet of Christ comes with great responsibility. I learned to lead even when I was scared that I could not fulfill the job. I learned that tears don’t always fall when hearts are broken. I learned that being responsible for those around us and around the world is more than something we should say, but something we should live.

***

Just a few days after returning we buried a member of our youth group, a girl we loved, a girl we had prayed for without ceasing. In those dark, hard days I learned the value of simply loving, of living well, of learning to grieve and grow. I learned the heartache of losing someone far too soon and helping kids much too young to say goodbye. I learned the great responsibility of my job, of not only loving kids well but of introducing them to Jesus. I learned that time is precious and I can’t waste time waiting to tell them… for they are not guaranteed tomorrow.

***

I went to Vermont and saw the amazing Green Mountains. I helped my youth to serve a community very much in need that no one necessarily sees. I enjoyed beauty and ate ice cream. I looked for moose and ALMOST walked on the Appalachian Trail.

***

A few weeks later I returned again to Tar Hollow… a place I have long loved, where I have laughed,

cried, grown and changed… and realized that getting my way is not the most important thing… and that watching the meteor shower late at night on top of a slippery, cold roof on a cloudless August night is just as good for the soul as amazing preaching by a keynoter who became a friend.

***

I celebrated long and hard with Carrie and Ryan when they got married… and learned the beauty of loving friends and holding them tightly, but with an open hand.

I traveled to NYWC in Atlanta with Abby. A fitting end to our year of traveling together. We saw mountains, but not bears, ate ice cream, but didn’t drink much coffee, we walked on the Appalachian Trail at Clingman’s Dome… and heard amazing words spoken by those who inspire me. I also realized that my calling is all about passion not place, and my ministry is all about pushing not settling… and that its ok to do something new.

***

And so here I am in December. Through another ridiculous holiday where I remembered that even though my family is COMPLETELY insane, there really is no place like home.

***

I learned other things this year too… things about friendship and fellowship and life. I learned that I am ok with the idea of love and am ready to admit I am growing up. I learned that gray hairs are earned and even though I cover them up, I have enough to prove that I am doing important work. I learned that I may not have made it to Africa or Peru this year, but the life I have lived is meaningful and full… and I have learned to be patient until those days come. I have learned that sometimes living your dreams can’t happen on your own timing, but waiting for God’s timing is far more rewarding. I have learned that standing still and settling are two very different things and that God just might enjoy proving me wrong. I learned that I will no longer make promises and speak words with certainty, when I have no idea where God will lead me (or tell me to stay) next.

***

The new year is full of possibility… of unknown surprises and already planned adventures. As I prepare to ring in the New Year and new decade with people I didn’t even know that night in D.C, as I contemplate that that night contained some people (like Jennie) who I have lost completely, and others who have moved on to other places in life, it is hard to imagine starting a new one. It is my prayer and hope that when I ring in 2020 a decade from now that these people, from this night will be part of my life then too… along with so many amazing people who I already know and haven’t met yet. Life is unpredictable and uncertain. What God has for me in the new year and the new decade I am sure I cannot imagine. However, I know that I trust fully that it is in his hands. I will put it there each morning. I will place it before him… unlimited possibilities, an open heart to what is coming… and a willingness to let go of what holds me back. Those are my new decade resolutions!

***

Peace friends. Have a safe and amazing new year!

I am the worst blogger ever...

2009-11-30T12:38:00.003-05:00

its true. I am terrible... none the less... here are some pics from the last week. real thoughts and mental notes coming soon... for now...

I went for a little hike on the Appalachian Trail in North Carolina... like, really little... however... now I have more of an obsession than ever... its a problem. I did figure out on this trip that hiking in TOMS, especially old worn out ones is really, really difficult!

Hiking in flip flops though? I am TOTALLY good at that. In Atlanta there were multiple comments about how fast I move in my havaianas... and I must say... if you've got the gift, embrace it!! Abby and I hiked in the Smokey Mountain National Park in our flip flops... good times. Butterfly in the park... Carly loves butterflies. A. LOT.

While in Atlanta for the National Youth Worker Convention, Abby and I went to the World of Coke... SO FUN... drank WAY too much soda... especially for someone who NEVER drinks regular soda and hardly ever drinks diet soda. Seriously... not feeling good for a while afterwards... but it was TOTALLY worth it! (Especially since our cushy hotel overlooking Olympic Park was just a block away... good times!)

Before Abby got to Atlanta it was just me hanging out with folks from Sidney. We went to Jamal's for dinner... BEST wings ever. EVER. SOSOOSOSOSOSOSO good... The first of many meals that led to the comment "Why do I do this to myself!" hahahahahahaaha!

And so it was... Atlanta for the convention, Kennesaw to buy TOMS, two REIs in Kennesaw and Asheville, NC, a day in the Smokey MOuntain National Park, a short walk on the AT, lots of ice cream- but not nearly enough, lots of good food, laughter and friends, one really stinky car, way too many pairs of shoes (especially since I only wore my white havaianas the whole time!) OH and inspirations from amazing speakers like Perry Noble and Donald Miller (AMAZING), good worship with the Crowder Band and the house band, and great insights from Walt Mueller, Jon Acuff, and many others.

A good week of travels, an annual tradition I have learned to love.

More thoughts to come....

2009-09-10T17:53:00.002-04:00

HONESTLY.

I have an INSANE dream/desire... something I have always dreamed I would accomplish. Something that is preoccupying my thoughts (as it does often in the summer/post summer). It's kinda ridiculous... but a dream none the less. I've dreamed about it for years and years... I even have it near the top of my "life list". It's not a secret, although I don't talk about it too often.

I have a crazy dream.

Problematically it just so happens that I have the distinct possibility of making said dream come true in the spring... or at least giving it a shot....

And I am FREAKING SCARED TO DEATH... I am also very, very afraid that I am not going to make it happen for the sole reason that I am scared.

I am dumb.

Seriously... when have I ever been scared to "jump"? What the heck is wrong with me? I'm freakin out!!!!!!

I also love....

2009-07-29T18:19:00.002-04:00

I did an "I love" list a few weeks ago... I have a few more to add...
1. I love the reusable Starbucks cup with a straw.

2. I love a good hairband.

3. I love thunderstorms (but not tornados).

4. I love watching doppler radars.

5. I love driving in the mountains.

6. I love hiking in the mountains more!

7. I love people who are passionate about something.

8. I love when everyone leaves the office at night and I spend time working alone, in silence.

9. I love seeing old friends after a long separation.

10. I love Orbit White Bubblemint gum.

11. I love waterfalls.

12. I love lazy summer days at camp.

13. I love when meetings END on time!

14. I love hearing I did something (anything!) right.

15. I love raw oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough.

16. I love baking creative cakes and cookies.

17. I love asking hard questions.

18. I love both planning ahead and having no plan at all.

19. I love Andes mints.

20. I love sand between my toes.

21. I love tying pretty knots with climbing rope, and knowing I can trust them with my life.

22. I love learning new things and going to school.

23. I love endless possibilities.

24. I love Free Credit Report.com commercials.

25. I love green grass and warm sunshine.

26. I love new outdoor/hiking gear.

27. I love my tent.

28. I love cool staplers.

29. I love the end of VBS.

30. I love remembering something that makes me laugh out loud.

31. I love surprising people.

32. I love extension cords.

33. I love finding a really great t-shirt and buying it in 75 colors.

34. I love my OCD.

35. I love buttercream icing.

36. I love being unpredictable.

OK... more love today... I need it!!

Seriously... this is really my life.

2009-07-29T11:54:00.002-04:00

Last week I had the opportunity to take 5 middle school girls to Vermont. Yup. I know. WHY would I do that to myself???
We spent a week in Rutland, Vermont which is in the Green Mountains. It was amazingly beautiful and some of us cleared trails for 2 days so we got to be IN the mountains... lots to tell about the trip, someday.

For now... at the end of the week I hauled the girls up to Waterbury, the home of the BEN & JERRY'S FACTORY. AMAZING. Abby and I had a great day moose spotting on the way there and back, eating ice cream, visiting the factory and flavor grave yard, and generally enjoying beautiful Vermont. The girls? Not nearly as excited, but none the less, Abby and I LOVED it!
More about the trip to come, but for now, here are some pics of our factory adventure!

Yup... I KNEW this would be a place I loved when I saw this sign at the entrance...

Abby's favorite is Phish food... its one of the top 10 flavors so it gets its own poster on the wall of fame. Abby approves!

After the tour we got a free pint of ice cream. Abby got Phish Food of course, I got Oatmeal Cookie Chunk. It wasn't even noon yet, but we decided to give it our best go to eat the whole pint... you know, for the experience and such...

Notice that we ate our ice cream with purple shovels. Yup. Told you it was a good day! This is about how far Abs got before she called it a day (and believe me, we were FEELING it all day!)

I did a little better.. but still couldn't finish it off! Good stuff though!

Ahhh... youth group summer adventures.

Beautiful mountains,

watching for moose all day,

a pint of ice cream before noon.

BEST. DAY. EVER.

I love...

2009-07-15T15:39:00.005-04:00

Well, after that "I hate..." stuff I think its time to start with the love.... Here are some things I love most: (in completely random order)

1. I love coffee in the morning with friends.

2. I love wild adventures.

3. I love Brazil.

4. I love my family.

5. I love the wilderness.

6. I love my passport.

7. I love pad thai.

8. I love my thumb ring and all that it represents.

9. I love my life.

10. I love chocolate ice cream.

11. I love hanging out with my nephew.

12. I love flip flops.

13. I love traveling.

14. I love campfires.

15. I love climbing trees.

16. I love my youth group.

17. I love reading in bed.

18. I love my orphan babies in Guatemala.

19. I love traveling with teenagers on trips that change their perspective.

20. I love hugs from little kids at church.

21. I love butterflies.

22. I love post it notes and sharpies.

23. I love taking pictures.

24. I love decluttering.

25. I love biscuits.

26. I love being organized.

27. I love Jesus.

28. I love innovative charity and mission work.

29. I love water bottles.

30. I love bags.

31. I love caramel frappuchinos and cinnamon dolce lattes.

32. I love driving big vans.

33. I love airports.

34. I love my Saturn (which will have 100,000 miles this week!!!)

35. I love cheese.

36. I love IKEA.

37. I love anything that is mosaic.

38. I love crafts.

39. I love calendars.

40. I love lists.

41. I love notebooks with elastic closures.

42. I love retreats.

43. I love the beach.

44. I love sunset.

45. I love snowflakes.

46. I love promises that are kept.

47. I love laughing until I can't breathe.

48. I love inspirational quotes.

49. I love watching kids play.

50. I love sleeping late.

51. I love recycling and/or reusing.

Ahhh... i need to get back to work, but those are surely some of the things I love!! There's more, but maybe another day!

I hate....

2009-07-14T14:13:00.003-04:00

A blogger I catch every now and then did a little "I hate" list the other day... It seemed kind of odd to me... but today is definitely one of those days... so here is my own:
1. I hate long meetings about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
2. I hate never getting to see some of my favorite people in the world.
3. I hate getting out of bed in the morning.
4. I hate when people have no compassion for your situation and only care about how your action (or inaction) made something complicated for them... without considering what you have gone through.
5. I hate shoes... and socks.
6. I hate that some of my biggest dreams remain just beyond my reach, and I haven't reached for them yet.
7. I hate that I so often lack motivation.
8. I hate living so far from the beach.
9. I hate poverty and oppression.
10. I hate self pity and dishonesty.
11. I hate girl scout cookies.
12. I hate the water jug at work being downstairs, so far from my desk.
13. I hate that all rental vans are white... so tired of driving a white van.
14. I hate speed limits.
15. I hate running out of time to do my work, because I waste so much time, nearly every day.
16. I hate working out.
17. I hate working in an office all the time.
18. I hate spending so much time away from my friends, family, and dogs. (Why can't everyone I love live closer together??!!)
19. I hate death taking those that are so young.
20. I hate that I can't remember ANYTHING and have to write everything down.
21. I hate that sharpies are so expensive.
22. I hate cold weather, ice, and snow.
23. I hate my cell phone and being readily available to people 24/7.
24. I hate the phrase "gearing up for the fall" and "summer lull."
25. I hate that instead of taking action I have settled on the easy path... even though I know it is only temporary.
26. I hate being asked when I am going to get married.
27. I hate people making fun of my nose ring (hey, its not my fault my nose is too fat for a shorter stud!).
28. I hate not being able to see without my glasses or contacts.
29. I hate injustice and judgementalism.
30. I hate birds, mice, and geckos.

THere... no more hatin for today... maybe some lovin is coming soon... the day could take a dramatic turn for sure!!!

DOn't worry folks... not depressed or anything... just gettin through TUesday in mid-July!
love yas!

2009-07-02T21:54:00.002-04:00

wanna know how i spent my last week? other than sweating the very skin off my body? other than eating more cajun food than is even remotely acceptable? other than driving the big white van for 2000 miles? other than sleeping on a cot in the middle of a sea of teenagers? other than that?

i mean, really? you want more?

check it out over at the youth blog... cause really... there was more than sweat, lack of sleep, and crazy driving!

Check it out!!!

2009-06-14T20:22:00.002-04:00

so.
very.
tired.

And VBS starts tomorrow!
Why did I go on vacation right before the madness?? Someone should have reminded me its AFTER the madness you take vacation...ahhhh! (that would have never happened, hence the Brazil trip before summer!)

TIRED.

An amazing few weeks in Brazil...

2009-05-27T21:19:00.004-04:00

So... my time in Brazil has been a blessing in the usual, predictable ways... like working on my tan in the hammock in the afternoon.... a weekend in Parati with amazing friends who I love... good talks, good prayers, good laughter, and new friends made. I am blessed... as I have been for a long time... by this amazing place. Sometimes it amazes me that I am so very blessed that this is part of my life... a part I certainly don't deserve. Blessed.

Anyway, I went to the beach (Parati) on the weekend and Monday and when I got back, after our long drive back to the city, I wrote the following... cause even though I say I am not... I really am a writer in some crazy sense of the word:

How can it be that life can come so quickly into focus?
How can it be that a place, and a few of the people who inhabit it, can challenge my years long struggle in just a few short days?
WHat happens when you realize that stepping down from a place isn't so much about lack of focus, but a conscious decision to rediscover peace and joy?

I love Brazil.

I love the people, the culture, the place (and of course the warm sunshine!). What I love most though is that in Brazil I see a decision... a line drawn in the "sand". I will always love Brazil. I will probably always consider it to be my home in so many senses of the word. I will always love the beach, coffee with friends, pizza at Casa da Pizza, and hammock naps mid afternoon.

WHat I love/see here though is a line drawn in the "sand".

I see a time when I loved something so much, I didn't want anything else. I see a time when my heart broke to walk away. (In so many ways that is still how I feel.) Yet I also see a line drawn, a time when I walked away from what I LOVED to be where I knew I was callled. A time when I left what was safe, comfortable, and easy for an uncertain and fearful path. I chose to follow God's desires instead of mine.

I see a choice that has defined what my walk of faith and passion to follow Christ is will be.

I see here a place I would return to in a heartbeat if I knew it was where I was called to be.

I see here a reminder of the fact that stepping down/away doesn't equal a lack of focus or direction but a decision to submit to what God desires over what I desire.

I love Brazil. I wish I could stay. Yet I know I can't.

I want more than ANYTHING to be EXACTLY where GOd wants me.

Peace.... in Brazil... in Ohio... in my heart.

Camp Whip Poor Will Craziness

2009-05-04T16:10:00.006-04:00

YAY!

2009-04-24T13:50:00.001-04:00

It's a beautiful day. BEAUTIFUL!
Today I am going camping with Heidi... for my first night in my tent this season!!
Cruisin to camp with the sunroof open...
Camfire and food and friends...
Climbing trees all day Saturday...

I am BLESSED. YAY for the weekend!!!!

THIS STINKS

2009-04-21T14:43:00.002-04:00

Know what stinks?

OK. Say its Tuesday afternoon and the weather is gross and rainy (maybe throw in some hail) and its just overall gloomy. Then say you wear your flip flops to work because it's APRIL darn it... and flip flops should be worn EVERY DAY starting in April... regardless of the low temps and gross weather.

Then say you get out your lovely salad for lunch *yummy* and crank up the floor heater to warm up the toes. (Seriously, this is one think I like about winter... nice warm toes under my desk!). Then, just say, you get to flipping through your piles of stuff on your desk while eating that yummy salad... and you knock it off between the window and desk... straight onto the top of the floorboard heater you just turned up to warm up the toes.

FETA CHEESE STINKS WHEN IT FALLS ON A HEATER. Seriously... and I CAN'T get it all out... and it is STINKING UP MY WHOLE OFFICE!!

IT STINKS!! ARGH!!!

Things I love... and things I don't...

2009-04-10T22:58:00.000-04:00

Things I love….

-sitting here tonight… in the silent church. I am the only person at the prayer vigil… you could call it “holding down the fort” until midnight comes, but for me… it’s silence… and its BEAUTIFUL.

-Good Friday. Could be called the most depressing day of the Christian year… I don’t even subscribe to the “but Sunday is coming” bit. Nope. I love this day/night. The simplicity AND magnitude of the sacrifice and all that that holds in it. Sadness, peace, tragedy, and hope all wrapped in… in one overwhelming moment. BEAUTIFUL.

-Candlelight. Somehow I find candlelight to be the most amazing thing. I love that sense that you can be an imperfect mess in candlelight and at the same time, be so free. I love the candle lit sanctuary… especially tonight with the simple lanterns next to the empty cross… keeping watch. BEAUTIFUL.

Things I don’t love…

-knowing that the prayer vigil has just an hour or so left before it ends… and so few people got to experience it.

-feeling like a TOTAL freak for my love of the prayer vigil… and for my sadness that it will end tonight instead of 30 hours from now.

-not knowing what to do with Easter Saturday. Really. Jesus is crucified but not yet risen. What does one do with that day. For the last few years it made so much sense to observe it in the prayer vigil. Now I am confused!!

There you have the things that I love and things that I don’t… Good Friday version. Good Friday is so very odd to me in so many ways… and beautiful too. Today, on my way to the church I decided to stop for a new pair of jeans (since my old ones are… well… OLD and there was a good sale.) There was a mother and daughter fighting because the daughter wanted a black sweater to wear on Easter and her mom said that NO ONE wears black on Easter. Made me think… made me think about lots of things, but mostly how little it matters if you wear black on Easter. Seriously? Uh Christ is RISEN FROM THE DEAD and you are not wearing pastels? That’s what it’s about?

This year I am sad because our prayer vigil is only Friday night instead of lasting the whole weekend. There were lots of people who were upset with the decision to make it only one night (including me! I didn’t vote for that!!)… but in these quiet moments I realize the beauty is not in the vigil or silence or candlelight… the beauty is in the sacrifice… a sacrifice I don’t deserve and yet give my all to try to earn. Instead of trying so hard to earn it, I need to stop, and be silent and realize I never can… and yet I can give all I have and all I am on behalf of serving my Jesus.

Oh the contradictions!!

thinking....

2009-04-07T18:05:00.004-04:00

This morning in staff meeting Tom shared his thoughts on this verse:
Luke 17: 10
"So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'"

I used this verse once before... although I can't remember the context... when I was sharing a devotion with the youth (maybe!). Anyhoo... I don't always agree with Tom (the hazard of being a not at all conservative gal working with a fairly conservative pastor!), usually what he has to say does make me think though and today he had some interesting things to say about these verses, the idea of slavery versus servanthood and the debt of grace. (Seriously I bet you didn't think i was that deep of a thinker, but alas, I am!) In fact, I have gotten VERY little work done today. I have thought about this verse and the Dietrich Bonhoffer things he added to the devotion nearly all day.

I guess that's not a BAD thing... to be that distracted by the words of Christ... its not a common occurance for me... but today I am VERY distracted by these words... "We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty."

Am I living up to that? My heart desperately wants to....

I am so odd!

2009-03-31T15:01:00.003-04:00

Know what I think is GROSS? (worse than spaghetti, but not by much!) Like… REALLY gross?

Feet. Seriously. ESPECIALLY my feet. Ewwww!

I really don’t like feet at all… and sometimes I feel like I am fighting a losing battle with my feet… but at the same time… I have been thinking about them lately… MY FEET.

My feet tell a pretty amazing story, I believe. The truth is that I often don’t take pictures of myself when I travel, but I take a picture of my feet 90% of the places where I go. On the beach in Brazil, in the Red Square in Moscow, on the cobblestone streets of Antigua, on worn down hiking paths in Ohio, hanging from trees at camp, even in the bottom of a canoe in Minnesota. My feet are almost always attached to a pair of flip flops (TOMS in the winter!) or hiking shoes/Chacos. They often have toenails that are painted dark brown and if its’ been a particularly interesting week they bear temporary tattoos. My feet can be pretty gross… and (I hate to admit this) I often tell people they carry permanent Brazilian foot fungus (which may or may not be true!), an odd (but minor!) flesh eating thing on my big toe from Guatemala, serious flip flop calluses, and (ewwww!) they are SUPER dirty! I’ve been through a variety of theories and products that are aimed at getting my feet to be “normal” looking… but seriously… feet are SO nasty. Yet mine tell a pretty amazing story. (And why would my feet be normal when I am CLEARLY not!)

My feet have carried me on extraordinary adventures… they have stood in places I have wished my whole life to see, they have enabled my flip flop obsession. They climb trees and mountains and climbing walls. They have chased the dog through the mud many times and never seem to have shoes when the gravel is particularly sharp! They are usually cold on airplanes and in the office and hot when I sleep. They are almost always tired, sore, and in need of a good massage (not that I would let ANYONE rub them!). There are many adventures left to have… my feet (and my soul!) desperately want to hike the Appalachian Trail (all the way from Georgia to Maine), they want to wander the streets of Thailand and Peru. They long to be covered in African dust and soak in Fiji’s beach waters. They have so MANY trees and mountains to climb… places to go… adventures to be had.

This time of year I often tell people that I have itchy feet AGAIN. I don’t mean because of the fungus either! My feet are itchy to head out to new and amazing adventures. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever NOT have itchy feet… and then I remember that it is my itchy, gross, dirty feet that define me. My nasty feet that have wandered the world, that desire for more, are what make me Carly. They are ready to faithfully take me wherever my heart leads. If they stop itching, would that also mean that my heart has lost its desire to explore the unknown?

Adventures await… as long as I treat these feet (and my heart) with care!

2009-03-23T16:19:00.001-04:00

I wish I could hang from the trees at camp whip poor will every day for a month.
i feel like that is the kind of therapy i need right now.
i feel like i can't breathe.
help.

2009-03-19T11:02:00.004-04:00

If I could ask... "Can I have this baby?"

and someone would say... "yes you can..."

I would...

actually... I don't know what I would do... but man, I wish that would happen....

Guatemalan travels...

2009-03-12T11:35:00.005-04:00

ARGH!! I can't quite get this uploading photos thing figured out.... they always end up in COMPLETELY the wrong order... but none the less... here are some photos from Guatemala... one of my new favorite places on EARTH.

***THoughts on the trip itself coming soon... for now... just pics.

The arch is north of the square. I am usually really good with directions... but for some reason I couldn't figure out Antigua to SAVE MY LIFE. We went 3 times by this arch... and every time I was surprised to see it because I didn't think that was the part of the city we were in! ARGH!

A little boy at Mayra's feeding program/school. This was a really cool program that started as a Saturday morning meal for some local children and has developed into 80 children in school every day (and getting meals!).

This is Josue, a little boy at Amor del Nino... what a cutie...

This is Stephanie. She makes fish lips when you talk to her... she also has the BIGGEST eyes. So cute!

This is Monica. Dawn and I decided that Dayton was not ready for Monica, so we couldn't bring her home... but man would we love to... she is hilarious... and she never stops. We spent most of the time at Amor del Nino telling Monica no... but she really didn't care, she did it anyway! (and we loved it!)

A volcano... Fuego I believe.

This is Brenda, a child living at Hermano Pedro. Love her. (And she was covered in a blanket from Fiesta VBS, which we did at Sulphur Grove a few years ago. I thought that was pretty cool! Its not the one we made, but it could be!)

These sawdust artworks fill the streets of Guatemala on the Sundays in Lent. THey are BEAUTIFUL. Apparently on Good Friday they are literally EVERYWHERE... wish I could have been there to see that.

The biggest volcano around the city (of the three), luckily it is extinct, it is HUGE!

There you have it... Antigua... quite a place!

Guatemala

2009-03-09T17:55:00.004-04:00

arrived back in Dayton late last night from my 9 days in Guatemala... serving orphans... i'm going to have to think a while about what i have to say about the trip... short but intense... so much to think about... (but I secretly might actually like babies now... especially a beautiful little one name Paty... seriously... I think I would actually keep that one forever.... which is a pretty big statement from me!).

anyway... thoughts to come... for now.... here's little Ariana and I... at Hermano Pedro....

Take a little side trip...

2009-02-25T12:42:00.003-05:00

Well... I don't always have the time to post on two blogs... let's be honest, I don't always have the time to breathe... or sleep... sleep especially... ahhh... I would LOVE a good nights' sleep... ohhhh... I digress...

Anyway, the youth of Sulphur Grove now have a blog. Little thing where I post info about our events or what we're having for dinner... you know... stuff like that...

SO. I have posted some pictures there from Winter Retreat at Camp Otterbein... I thought I could just put it here too, same post so I don't have to reload the pictures on my ridiculously slow little red laptop (just today it is slow... not sure what that's about!) but I can't actually figure out how to make that happen ... SO... long story short, you can check out pics at: Sulphur Grove Youth

Ahhh... back to work... hope this computer figures its little self out soon!!! yeah!!

19 days and counting (down!)

2009-02-09T14:50:00.002-05:00

I am leaving for Antigua, Guatemala in 19 days. I am so excited I could BURST.

I am going to travel with Hope for Home, an organization from the Dayton area that works with orphanages in Guatemala. With the current freeze (with no end in sight) on international adoptions from Guatemala there are tons of kids in orphanages with little forward motion towards getting homes and families. SO... in a completely unexpected event... I am going to go to Guatemala for a week to hold babies. Seriously. I am also going to be checking out the possibilities of Sulphur Grove sending teams there and/or partnering in ministry with an orphanage.

SO. I am so excited I could scream... but since I am in the office and there are men working on the roof outside my window I won't... wouldn't want anyone doing a tumble!

YEAH!!

West Ohio Girls' Chrysalis #47

2009-01-21T12:45:00.002-05:00

This past weekend I got to serve on the team for the Girls' Chrysalis weekend. Sometimes I dread things like this... I mean, I am getting old. Seriously. It has been nearly 16 years since I went on my Chrysalis weekend. When I go back to Greene Street UMC in Piqua it kind of feels like stepping back in time. Things have changed some... but it still feels a lot the same. (And I am pretty sure we are still using the same markers from 1993!).

There have been times I have been called to be on a team that I have said no. It didn't fit in my schedule or work out somehow... it didn't seem right for whatever reason. There are times I have said yes and gone to all the meetings and what not with little busyness to worry about. This time I said yes, but was SERIOUSLY dreading the idea of being asked to do a talk. When Wendy asked me to do the Single Life talk I was... UGH... stressed. I've done it before but I REALLY didn't want to... and then life got stressful and work got overwhelming and I started running like a crazy person through December and JAnuary and I was really not all that excited about going to the weekend.

Then on Friday I went to the church.... and we started with some team stuff and then the girls showed up Saturday morning... and its all a blur. I had SUCH an amazing weekend. I have never laughed so much as I did with the girls at my table. I laughed (I didn't cry!), I was blessed, I was challenged, I watched God work in my beautiful little caterpillars lives, I was amazed at the selflessness of the team (which has not always- or ever- been my experience of a chrysalis team to such an extent), I was overwhelmed with the simplicity of living this weekend. I was blessed to not turn on my cell phone, to not wonder what time it was, to just sit... sit and enjoy the people around me.... sit and be blessed by conversations and laughter and the words of God.

Chrysalis is such a structured experience... the same 15 talks every weekend, the same food, the same discussion guides, flight after flight, year after year. Yet this time it didn't feel that way to me. Sure, there was still that structure, but it seemed to flow so much from the heart. No one was worried about doing things a specific way, no one was concerned that this flight be like all the other flights, no one was stressed that the music or talks weren't what they were when THEY went to Chrysalis.

It was nice... and beautiful... and wonderful. And even though I had to give my talk again, I was blessed to share my thoughts with girls who responded with thoughtful questions and beautiful insights.

West Ohio GIrls' CHrysalis #47... God is good.

Weekend Exhaustion.... on Friday night!

2009-01-09T23:02:00.003-05:00

I am sooooooo tired. Seriously. This weekend is wearing me out. I am sitting in the back of a classroom at the church while Kim teaches our Confirmation Class... at 11 pm on Friday night. This is the terrible event that happens 4 times a year... its called the CONFIRMATION LOCK-IN... and its NOT GOOD. NOT GOOD at all. I mean, yeah, there is something good in seeing kids learning and growing in faith... committing their time to learn about the church and membership... but it is WEARING ME OUT!

Tomorrow, after sleeping on a cold, hard floor in the basement of the church (and hopefully not having to yell at kids to be quiet too much!) I get to go to an all day Chrysalis meeting up north. I like Chrysalis... I think its an AMAZING ministry and I am blessed to get to serve on this team... but an all day meeting after sleeping on the church floor...I'm tired just thinking about it!!

On Sunday its time for FaithWeavers to start up again so after teaching Sunday School I get to bake Chrysalis butterfly cookies and then cook dinner for the church folks and teach the kiddies about Samson.

I am exhausted just thinking about the weekend... and to top it all off... it is supposed to SNOW tonight mixed with some ice and sleet and assorted other terrible winter weather... I hate being COLD and I hate SNOW... ugh!!!

OK... enough complaining. I could say some profound things or something... but instead I will decide that instead of hating things this weekend I will decide to be glad that I get to be alive today... alive and blessed.

Looking down the barrel of 2009

2009-01-01T18:47:00.003-05:00

I seriously can't believe that it is 2009. As I sat in Carrie's living room last night and the clock counted down the final seconds until the new year, it was the weirdest feeling. I am so excited for 2009... which is pretty rare for me. Usually I head into the new year with no really different feelings than any other night. However, sitting there last night, surrounded by new friends and old ones... I couldn't help but look at the new year with excitement.

For the first time in a long time I head into the new year with absolutely no idea of what the future will hold. I mean, sure, I have some plans in place... like Chrysalis later this month, Guatemala in March, Alaska and Brazil at some point... but I head into 2009 with some new things that I have learned about myself and life... like...

I have learned to hold loosely to things. I have still not learned the art of letting go... I still tend to have a hard time saying goodbye... but I have learned to hold loosely to things... to remember the temporary nature of things in this world and be able to embrace the here and now.

I have learned to live today. I have learned that tomorrow is not a guarantee... the good things in life may be worth waiting for, but they are also here right now... and I am learning to live them while I have them.

I have learned who I am and who I want to be... and I have learned that that awareness is important only when it is coupled with the desire to not be bent and twisted to what the world wants and sees as successful. I have learned that it is important to have my own two feet to stand on and my own measures of what is and is not important.

I have learned that success is not defined by how much money I make, the home I own or the clothes (and their size) that I wear. Success for me means that I will live the life that God has called me to regardless of the pay scale and define myself by the willingness to do what is right above what is popular.

I have learned that I am far more of an adventurer than most people will ever believe, a lot more committed than my ability to tell time implies, and undefinable by most people.

I have also learned that I need to grow a lot in my ability to be a good friend, employee, daughter and sister. I have learned that money will never be more important to me than a plane ticket and passport. I have learned that good friends come and go, but the best friends always come back around.

2009 is gonna be fine (as Dawn likes to say). I know this is true!! And I can feel the excitement of a new year, full of possibilities.

See you all in the new year!

A Fond Farewell to 2008

2008-12-31T14:40:00.005-05:00

I can't believe it is the end of 2008. Now, i know that a great many people are probably saying the same thing... and its not like 2008 is only over for me and not the rest of humanity... but SERIOUSLY. I can't believe it. In true Carly tradition... before I get ready for the rest of my evening... here is my ode to 2008!

2008 was a little bit sad:
-Lloyd the family dog died. Really, I was shocked he made it out of 2007... but STILL it was sad.
-I didn't go to Brazil this year. BOOOOOOOOO!!!! (2 years in a row- I miss my friends!)
-I had hard times with some of life... which is not uncommon, but I believe could have been avoided.
-I STILL didn't get to Alaska!
-My New Year's gift for Nickolas just broke coming out of the oven... sorry Nick... no stand up snowman cake this year... boo!

2008 was AMAZING!!
-I went on a GREAT trip to the Dominican Republic... GREAT!
-I canoed the Boundary Waters... which stands out as the highlight of what was a truly amazing summer!
-I drove over 3000 miles in a rental 12 passenger van... in JULY... and it was TOTALLY worth it.
-Minnesota, Arkansas, and everywhere in between... BLISS.
-Heifer Ranch changed my outlook.
-Tar Hollow was finally great again...
-Nashville. Good times.
-Hanging out in trees, coffee shops, the radio station and assorted other places with amazing friends.
-Nickolas makes me LAUGH every time I see him.
-My family drives me absolutely INSANE... but I still have a great one.
-NEW PUPPY... Nellie and Shea running crazy in the backyard makes me smile.
-I finished my grad classes... again!
-My friends at the YMCA got me back on track (even though I have temporarily lost it again, I KNOW they will help me find it again after the new year!)
-I have a job that I love and that continuously reminds me of who I am and want to be...
-so much more I can't write it all!

So, yes 2008 had its downs... but it had so many ups too. I am SO blessed.... and what an amazing thing it is to know that 2009 looms ahead with endless possibilities and choices and good and bad and wonderful and beautiful and hard and challenging all mixed up inside. Who knows what may be in 2009? I can't wait to find out!

2008-12-24T16:19:00.002-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!

Sorry... that's all I got today, but its been a while so I thought I should say something... I know... such an original thing to say!

I am off to get ready for the family service at church... I am trying to embrace this evening... it's Christmas eve... its one of my favorite times of the whole year... that hour in between the 8:30 and 11 pm services... sitting with friends... embracing the Christmas moments. I am sure that it is somehow connected to the love I have for the quiet moments of the Easter prayer vigil. Quiet... slow... not about anything spectacular or flashy... not about my family or my sister or decorations or some "show" we are putting on. For an hour Kim, Darryl, and I will eat blueberry pancakes in the kitchen at the church and think about the beauty of Christmas and friendship.

Today I am having a hard day... its actually been more than a few in a row. I want to be positive and happy and embrace Christmas this year... but instead I am angry and hurt and frustrated.

I want to embrace the "gospel in miniature" (hee hee hee Kim!), but today I don't know if I have it in me. I don't want today to be about ME... I want it to be all about the birth of Christ. It would be my prayer that tonight be not about any of us... that it be simply about simplicity and living a life of passion...

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL.

Nasville, Thanksgiving, and general slacker-ness

2008-12-03T11:47:00.002-05:00

Why am I so easily distracted? Or is it that I am not at all easily motivated? Whatever the problem is... I have been at work nearly 2 hours and I have accomplised almost nothing. Of course, its not helping that I have had constant interruptions from the minute I got here... but that's just me... blaming it on someone else!! So intstead of working on writing advent lessons for the children or figuring how much of what I need to make caramels, cookies, and cinnamon rolls by the MILLION next weekend... I am going to update the old blog... you know... the important things in life!!

**On a side note, last night I had a dream. I was at work here at the church, in the office with all the usual people, but everyone was speaking non-stop portuguese. Weirdest thing ever. But they didn't understand portuguese, they were just talking and no one knew what was going on. I am not sure if this is a reflection of the fact that I feel no one knows what the heck is ever going on around here or the fact that i need to take a trip to Brazil. Hmmmm.

OK. SO, Nashville. I went to the National Youth Workers Convention in Nashville the weekend before Thanksgiving. I had an AMAZING trip. Seriously. This year some friends doing ministry up in Sidney, Ohio decided to let me travel and stay with them which was GREAT. We had lots of laughs and learned a lot too. One of my favorite people, Shane Claiborne spoke once on the main stage and once in a seminar. I love the things that he has to say and am always challenged by his commitment to truly living the way Jesus calls us to live... specifically around caring for and loving the poor. I also got to hear some great things from the main stage that focused on social justice issues and the calling we have as the church to love and care for EVERY person as Jesus did. Like it... like it alot. I was also challenged by Mark Yaconneli and the things he had to say about the "dark night of the soul" and got a book about that that I think is going to continue to challenge and encourage me... I even boosted it to near the top of my "books to read" pile... which is about 35 deep now!!

Anyhoo. Nashville was lots of fun... and I was blessed to spend time with people who helped me enjoy it more than any other NYWC I've been to! Here's to Cincinnati next year friends!

SO. Then I came home and TOTALLY flaked on work for 2 days before Thanksgiving. Like... I just didn't go in. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. I felt bad for about 3 1/2 seconds each day. I really needed the break. 2 days in 2 years is not much of a vacation!! Thanksgiving was uneventful and normal at the Schneider house. Kristin, Rich, and Nickolas came by and we did the usual... eating... throwing the football around the house and breaking things, chasing the puppies... eating... ya know. Abby came home for the weekend so I got to have a great coffee with her at the Night Sky on Friday morning and helped decorate my mom's church for Advent on Saturday... followed by lunch with Dawn... not to be missed!

On Sunday I went to Sidney with 6 of the kids to hear Jay Gamelin speak. He was our keynoter at Tar Hollow last summer and he led another great and challenging worship time. I was amazed at the way he remembered our kids and was so kind and encouraging to them. After the fall that the SG kids have had, it was a blessing to them... and he was a great encouragement to me as well. (Just remember... when all else fails, order pizza! Thanks, Jay!).

So there you have it... an extremely involved and long post about pretty much nothing. Now i am back in the office, hardly working, and holding on tight for the roller coaster that is Advent, combined with getting ready for the new year.

Argh! Ahhh!

I am blessed.

Back at work

2008-12-01T11:32:00.000-05:00

Soon to come I will give you a little update of my time in Nashville last weekend/week. WHat a blast. So much laughter, so much learning... and lots of challenging things were said. A good week.

Soon updates... for now.. WORK!

Happy Birthday to me..

2008-11-11T15:04:00.003-05:00

Yesteday was my birthday.

It was my plan as I started my 32nd year of life to cut back on some things and try to be "healthier" in the new year.

Last night this is what sat on my dresser...

Oh well. I guess there's always next year. =)

Poverty

2008-10-15T19:16:00.003-04:00

Today is Blog Action Day. I have been participating for the last couple of years, so all of my 3 readers can listen to my thoughts on the topic at hand. This year's topic is Poverty. Here's what I have to say about that...

This morning I got up in my nice comfortable bed. I had a REALLY hard time getting up... which is not all that unusual!... I went downstairs and played with the puppy... I spent some time loving on Nellie... I went upstairs and took a nice hot shower. Then.... much dreaded... I came into work and spent the morning catching up on e-mail and the latest happenings. Then Kim and I went to El Toro for lunch. I LOVE A GOOD MEXICAN MEAL. Then spent time at the Y... which always MUST follow a mexican meal! Now I am getting ready to head home from the office to spend some time with the family and have dinner.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

Last night the youth spent time working on their latest Bible study called: The Justice Mission. It is an AWESOME study on human trafficking, modern day slavery, loving what God loves and hating what God hates. It is a 4 week study we have been working on for about 6. They are wrestling with some pretty heavy stuff. Last night they spent a lot of time talking about mission trips they have been on and what it means to truly remember. What the quote means (and this is not exact people!) that "the greatest danger in the world is not the evil people, it is the good people who do nothing."

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

Sure I spent some time working on mission trip related things... but I didn't even really consider anything but how far away it is and what age you have to be to attend.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

I have seen some extremely impoverished places. I have shared meals with people who hadn't eaten in days or weeks. I have been inside one room metal and wood shacks that house families of 6 or more. I have seen children beg on the street. I have seen people dying of starvation and exposure. I know people who have lost everything to hurricanes and floods. I have held babies that have so little hope for the future.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

When do you get to the point where it doesn't matter to you? It does matter. It matters to me a lot. I hate that people are suffering in a world where I have more than I will ever need. I hate that children die and people suffer because of the way I choose to live.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

And that's really the problem isn't it. Its not the evil people in the world, its the good ones with good intentions and broken hearts who do nothing.

I want to be part of the generation that does something. I want to see people live. I want to see people eat and sleep in adequate homes and have adequate and clean drinking water. I want to see men and women paid fairly for the work that they do and children in school.

Today I didn't think about poverty at all.

And I am completely ashamed of that.

Thinking

2008-10-14T14:46:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking a lot lately that I should take off all of my blog posts that are less than positive and I have been told that it seems like I am always unhappy with things in my life...

Then I decided not to. I decided that I should leave them up there. I am not unhappy necessarily and although I usually live at a rather hectic pace, I enjoy my life. There are times when I get really worked up and stressed... and it seems like those are the times I choose to blog. I could apologize for that, but really... that's a big part of who I am!

Things in life today are good, but somewhat overwhelming. I am tired of moving pumpkins and spending time in the office... but I am enjoying fall and right now, although its a fragile balance, I feel like with some effort I can keep this boat afloat!

Life. Craziness seems to follow me wherever I go. Things change quickly that are beyond my control. I am learning to let go of the things that I cannot change, which is a struggle for me, seeing as how I tend to be a PERFECTIONIST. I am learning to live my life and not just go with the flow.

It seems at my advanced age that I would have already known these things... but I don't! SO I am learning.

Things are changing and big possibilities loom. Struggles much bigger than me stand in the way... but I know it will all come out the way it should.

Tuesday....

Temper Tantrum Time

2008-10-02T10:58:00.002-04:00

So. Today I am wondering if 31 is too old to throw a temper tantrum. Seriously.

When you are two years old and something doesn't go the way you think it should, you cry a bit, throw yourself on the floor, and kick your legs. It's immature, parents get really embarassed about it... its not pretty. If I ever have children, I am not sure I would want them to throw temper tantrums (although I am fully aware that all children do it, I am sure my children will be perfect and never embarrass me! Hahahahaa!)

But there is a bit of beauty in the temper tantrum. I mean... it definitely gets it out there that the kid is upset! There is no confusion about what is angering them, they definitely make it clear exactly how unhappy they are... and then... they get up, they pout about it for a while... but they get up. They don't get their way, they don't have things turn out the way they expect, but they get up.... and although I am fully aware that most children don't just turn off the anger... they don't hold onto it for days on end either. They might be angry for a while... teary and huffy... but they move on, realizing that you can't always win and sometimes the powers that be get to make decisions for them.

I wish I was not too old for a temper tantrum. I wish that I could throw myself on the floor of my office and kick and scream a bit and that would be all it would take for me not to be angry anymore. Somehow that act of flopping on the floor would allow me to see that I can't always win and no matter how much I want to or think that things are unjust... this is not a battle I can win. Then I would get up. I would get up and get back to work and focus more on the things that I love and the things that are important and less on the things that make me mad or don't go my way.

I think I need a good temper tantrum.

Usually I love the fall. Usually I spend lots of days at camp and sitting in the trees and I get the frustrations out and don't face them. With camp being shut down the last few weeks (and not running the course a couple other weeks) I don't have that outlet. The stress and anger I have at my work and my family and my life is building and building. It is making me more and more edgy and frustrated. I want life to be easy and simple (those are not the same thing!). I want to just LIVE... like I do sitting in my tree or how I felt canoeing in July. I want to be free from the anger and frustration.

I have realized that perhaps as much as I like the way that spending the weekends at camp allows me to decompress... it isn't the healthiest way... since I never deal with the issues, I just pretend they don't exist at 35 feet up.

So I want to throw a temper tantrum....
but more importantly I want to be healthy again.

hmmmmmm.

2008-09-29T14:15:00.002-04:00

I am trying to be more positive. TRYING. SO... yeah... I'm working on it.

It seems like there is not lots new to report... super busy with lots going on at the church and at home... hoping camp will reopen this weekend (pick up those trees already!!).... being sad that my puppy is growing so very fast!!

Things are good... just busy... and I am hoping that a few little messy bits fall into place soon... but you know... it wouldn't be me if there wasn't some drama!!

Onwards to write curriculum.... another week....

New Puppy!

2008-09-04T15:32:00.003-04:00

So.... over the weekend I got a new puppy!!! He is the CUTEST thing ever! Well... the cutest thing since Nellie anyway!!

He has the worst name EVER... His name is Shea. OK. Reality time. Shea doesn't actually belong to me. He belongs to my parents. They got him from a lab rescue in Dayton. He and his brothers were rescued about a month ago when their parents were found sick. Now, my dad is a HUGE New York Mets fan. HUGE. The Mets stadium in New York is being torn down after this season and my dad REALLY wants to buy some of the seats. They are like $800 for 2, so needless to say, that's not going to happen! He would REALLY like to paint his office mets orange. He talks about it all the time. My mom is BIG time against that (understandably!!). SO, in a compromise, my dad named the dog Shea for Shea Stadium and he is not allowed to buy seats or paint any rooms blue or orange.

Anyway, because he is cute and little and I am a girl who LOVES A PUPPY... I claim that he is mine!!!

SO. Shea it is. Honestly... the CUTEST PUPPY IN THE WORLD. Nellie hates him... but he's getting over it!! He is a black lab and chocolate lab mix.... and one of his back paws is white. (Nellie's front paws are white). Awwww. Cute little puppy!!

Just thought I would share!

Tar Hollow is GREAT!!

2008-08-20T10:12:00.005-04:00

SO... in a fitting end to what has been one heck of a crazy summer, I spent last week at Tar Hollow Christian Adventure Camp. Ahhh... Tar Hollow. I am the first to admit that most of the year I struggle with my desire to go to camp. It's not that I don't love it, it's not that the people aren't GREAT and the week isn't fun... it's just that... there is so much DRAMA at camp... and usually, after an exhausting summer schedule I just don't have it in me to really enjoy the time.

THis year I headed to camp with a little bit of extra trepidation because some of my favorite people were not coming to camp for a variety of reasons. I got to camp and hung out in the back parking lot because I wasn't really sure how everything was going to work out and I was still feeling a bit... out of it.

Alas. Looking at it now I would say that of my 10 years spent at Tar Hollow, this was the 2nd best one ever. I only put it second because i don't clearly remember the early 90s when I was there as a high schooler! It may have been the best year ever!

Our keynoter was GREAT... I had good conversations with so many people I can't count. I enjoyed sitting in the back of the lodge on my camp chair talking for hours and late into the night. I got to know people I have crossed paths with for years but never connected with. As much as I love my friends who were unable to be there this year, I felt like not having them there freed me to get to know other people in new ways. I missed them, I hope they return next year, but I feel like my "Tar Hollow World" is much bigger now in such a great way! I enjoyed my youth and spending time with them. We even had a Sulphur Grove ORGANIZED volleyball team that played as part of the organized brackets. SERIOUSLY. I stayed up late, I slept in until it was almost too late, I drank LOTS of vanilla caramel tea, I ate LOTS of good food and LOTS of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. I painted lots of bags, prayed with lots of kids, and laughed WAY too hard about the awkwardness of the YMCA locker room.

I can say that I had been praying lots before I went that I would be peaceful in my time there... and I can say that that is how I really felt. I wasn't remotely tempted to leave camp for a "sanity break" as I usually have to on Tuesday... I barely thought about the fact that I was missing the Olympics (which STRESSED ME OUT before I left!)... I spent NO time thinking about drama at my job.... I spent NO time whining about camp leadership or wishing things would change. I was able to voice my opinions and feel like they were heard because I was peaceful enough to look at them without the negativity that usually clouds me at TH.

Now Tar Hollow '08 is just a memory. It went so quickly I feel like I wasn't even there... but I was so richly blessed by it. Ahhhh... Tar Hollow....

Now I am back at the office, back in the drama, back to trying to get things to work out... trying to put life together... but here I am none the less... blessed by an amazing summer, making decisions for the future, and trying to hold onto at least a bit of that peacefulness.

Ahhhh.... summer.

Enough

2008-08-08T15:23:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I was visiting somewhere that I have been DESPERATELY trying to cut back on. I have been fairly successful… but sometimes the allure of a caramel frappucino is more than even I can handle!! Hahaha!

Anyway… yesterday I stopped in at my favorite local Starbucks and saw a quote on the wall. It said:

Proposal for a well lived day: The best days go the fastest. Keep up.

Ah. So true a statement. It is August. Time for another week at Tar Hollow. (My 10th year, by the way… I am SO OLD!). It is hard to believe how quickly the summer has gone. Wasn’t it just yesterday that we went camping at John Bryant? Wasn’t it this morning that I woke up in my tent in Minnesota or this afternoon that I was two years old in the Global Village? At the same time it seems like Power Lab VBS at Sulphur Grove was a lifetime ago and it has been years since the spring party.

Truly the summer has passed much too quickly and after next week at camp all my youth will head back to school, some of my favorite people will move away to college… and I dive head first into a whole mess of planning for the new school year.

It feels like this summer was full of “best days”. There were lots of difficult ones too… ones that were HOT or frustrating or exhausting. There were days that tried my patience and tested my resolve. But there were so many that went so fast. So many days in beautiful and amazing places. SO many in places that were filled with laughter… and sweat… and tears. There were days that I got to the end of and my ONLY thought was… I can’t believe this is my life… so many “best days”.

How do I sum it up? Do I mention the things I learned? The ways that I learned to live simply or experience nature or build a deck or breathe deeply? Do I tell you that I learned more about myself in 4 weeks in July than I have learned in 4 years? Do I tell you that this summer I met people who challenged me to change my thinking, to not settle for what everyone expects, and to truly LIVE? DO I tell you that this summer I spent time with people who made me think? Made me laugh? Made me cry? How do you put into words that in a brief 2 months the way I think has changed, the way I want to live has changed, the person I want to be has changed?

Do I admit that I have laughed harder about holes in the bottom of my iced tea cup or the youth boys uncontrollable need to pass gas than was even remotely appropriate? DO I admit that some of the best moments of my entire summer were found at a campsite on Lake One where I slept and read for hours on a rock pile? Do I admit that I cried more this summer from heartbreak and disappointment that I would have ever imagined was possible? Do I admit that this summer frustrated me in ways that are still making me reevaluate who I am?

Would I share that this summer I learned the difference between priority and urgency? That I see the difference between being and LIVING? That I both met and walked away from people who I value more than some people I have known my whole life?

Would I tell you that it still makes me laugh? That it still makes me dream? That it still makes me cry? Would I admit that I found both my emotional and my peaceful side this summer? Would I say I found myself this summer losing the person I was… all the while having no idea of the person I was becoming?

The best days go the fastest. Keep up.

Could it be that I still have a few MORE weeks of summer… a few more weeks with people that I love? Its off to camp in the morning… to try and LIVE not just BE.

Its me… trying to keep up…. And being blissfully unaware of where the ride may end, but content with wherever it takes me.

God is good!
Thank you… tchau!

For Lloyd

2008-08-06T17:26:00.003-04:00

On Friday, Lloyd, the family dog died. He was 13 and really sick. (This picture was taken LONG ago, which is pretty obvious since my Nellie is now HUGE. It is also from when Nellie and Lloyd actually liked each other instead of Lloyd just tolerating him!) Anyway, Lloyd joined the family just as I was moving to Anderson for college and he wasn't always my favorite dog. He was a good one though. He was BEST friends with my Harry and when Harry died he tolerated Nellie. He was a faithful companion and really LOVED spending time with my dad. SO, I just thought I would give a little shout out to Lloyd... who was a good dog, even though I didn't always give him credit for it. It's weird that after 13 years he isn't there anymore.... and Nellie sure does miss him. SO Lloyd... thanks for being a good dog!! We miss you!!

Home from the Ranch

2008-07-28T15:24:00.004-04:00

Well, its hard to believe... but it is Monday, July 28th... and that means that after months of planning and praying and working and organizing, both of this summer's youth mission trips have ended. Now its time for an update of the most recent one!

The youth and I spent last week at Heifer Ranch in Perryville, Arkansas. It was HOT. 105 degree heat index HOT. BUT... we learned a LOT, worked hard, and laughed hard! Here are some photos of our most recent travels (with my thoughts on the time we spent on the ranch coming soon!!)

On the way to Arkansas, the Sulphur Grove kids and I stopped at the Garden of the Gods in southern Illinois... which was AMAZING. Here are the kids on top of the rocks!

THe youth climbed out on this pile immediately after I took the picture... far away from me and close to the edge... no wonder I have so much gray hair!!

Then it was on to the Ranch, where we spent our week working, learning, and serving. We had a great time but also had a lot of opportunities to really evaluate our lives, our global impact, and the idea that there is enough for everyone, but not everyone has enough. It was an AMAZING week.

Our night in the global village was spent divided between two places. Half our group (and I with them) spent the night in the large Thailand house. There were a lot of us in a small space, but we were BLESSED to spend the night in such good conditions... especially since... The other part of our group spent the night in the Urban Slum, sleeping on the brick floor. THey did a great job, but I know it was hard on them!

Afterwards there was much of what has become a theme for the summer... getting inked! (I must say... you girls need to work on your tans! Look at my feet compared to yours!! OH wait... that might be dirt....)

At the end of our time on the ranch we took one last group shot... and headed back north...

Where we quite inappropriately had lunch at Lambert's Cafe (home of the throwed rolls)... and all of us struggled with the amount of waste we produced after our week of minimizing our impact! It was a GREAT meal... but it came with some guilt... which is not really a bad thing!

Finally, and creepy, we found out what happens when a water buffalo is badly behaved on the ranch! Apparently the staff had water buffalo burgers for MONTHS... and his head, well, the bugs are still working on that one!!

Remember to be nice to others folks...and enjoy the sunset... and be thankful for all that you have... and remember... we are all responsible for each other! Find a way to make a difference!

Simplicity

2008-07-16T13:22:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be so complicated. I know... who doesn't.... but sometimes I really do wonder when it happened that I got so caught up in life that I forgot how to just live. I love my life, I really do. There are parts of it that frustrate me or that I wish I could change. There are things that I do that I wish I didn't. There are things that I wish I did more!

Two weeks ago now I had the most amazing experience. (which is detailed in the next blog down). I got to spend 3 nights in the Boundary Waters of Minnesota. I have wanted to canoe in the Boundary Waters for what seems like forever. I even have a "life list" of things that I want to do and it is on there. I really wasn't prepared for it though, I have to admit. I really wasn't prepared for the experience itself or what has happened since.

My decision to canoe with the boys group was hard at first. Kim would do either and I had to choose. I chose the boys because I don't spend nearly enough time with them and because I was pretty sure that having my own tent during the trip would be WAY better than sharing one! Shallow reason, I know. Anyway, it was a very good decision for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is the chance to spend 3 1/2 uninterrupted days bonding with the boys... in the wilderness.... um, yeah. Jason, our guide, and now one of my favorite people, was my canoe partner... we had many a good discussion while paddling ourselves through the lakes. We talked about life and love and living and learning and growing and changing and lots of other deep things that our teenage counterparts were too busy whining to discuss. We also had many a good non-discussion. That sounds weird but I was so blessed to have time to sit and think (while my scalp got really sunburned I'll add!) while enjoying the scenery and time with God. I don't think Jason knows what a blessing it was to me to be his canoe partner... so Jason, thank you!

At the end of every portage, every night while watching the sunset, while we paddled around, while we sat and talked... I always said "It is so pretty" or "Wow, beautiful." I think (I know!) that the boys got sick of hearning it. Truly though, that is how I felt. Not just about the scenery... about the whole experience. SOmetimes I am amazed at my own lack of ability to express appreciation for the situation.

There are things to be said, though... things to be thought and expressed about the lessons I learned in the BWCA and at Ko-Wa-Kan, and after leaving. There are things to be said about being humble, and amazed. About living life simply and passionately.

Things to be said about everything you need to live being in your canoe (on the water) or on your back (at the portage). Things to be said about the view from the side of my tent at the beginning of another day. Things to be said about living life.

But I lack the words to express all of that. I lack the ability to put into words the passion that I want to see back in my life. I lack the ability to express my immense desire for simplicity in my life, for viewing the world and my impact on it for what it can be and not what I am settling for. I lack the ability to express my desire to live differently and experience all that God has out there for me.

So, I can't... and I won't. But that's my heart right now. There you have it.

Minnesota....

2008-07-16T12:40:00.007-04:00

Last night I sat with a few of the youth who traveled with me to Minnesota for the last couple of weeks. We were having dinner outside on what could be the last nice, cool night for a while.

Then it occured to me that we are back from Minnesota. We have come home to Ohio and it is all a memory now. CRAZY. We talked for months and months about our trip. We dreamed and worried and planned and prepared. It suddenly hit me that our great Minnesota adventure has happened. So much of it lived up to our expectations and dreams, so much of it took us by surprise. We succeeded and failed, we put our hearts into it and quit on it, we worked hard and played hard, we laughed, we cried... I admit there were even a few swear words. We traveled for hours in the big white van, in yellow canoes, and on our own feet. We saw parts of the country that amazed us, humbled us, and changed us. I wish I could do our time justice in some articulate fashion. But I can't. INstead, here are some photos of our trip.

On the second day of our drive to MN we stopped at Gooseberry Falls on the shore of Lake Superior. It was AMAZING!! Carly and Meg tried to cross the river before Kim stopped them an pointed out a "safer" path!

These are the boys that I canoed with (along with our friend Jason... ok, guide, but we think of him as our friend now!)

Each afternoon the boys would try to convince me to swim at our campsite. The water was COLD though!! And even though I had every intention of getting in each day... it was my little entertainment piece to have them beg, plead, and try to get me in... it was COLD!! And Carlys hate being cold!! Here is Daniel swimming at our first campsite.

We also had the most beautiful sunset view on our first evening out. Actually every evening had a great one... but this one also made a beautiful picture!

After canoeing we headed to Mound, MN outside Minneapolis and Camp Kingswood. Our base for our week of working with 2 other church youth groups.

In Lyndale, MN there is a church that we drove by nearly every day on our way to the work site... it had the oddest sign.
This is one of the work teams from Kingswood... they worked HARD on the same house all week, while most groups switched at least twice.

Carly and I got a Carly and Carly shot over an odd (and colorless!) dinner one night. Love my Carly!! (although I clearly have the better tan... shhhhH!)

Ahhhh... Minnesota! You treated us well, and kicked our butts. You hated us and loved us and made us crazy. You don't always pave your roads, but you give them all names. Your people were some of the nicest and most loving we have ever met, even though an awful lot of them laughed at us. You have a Starbucks in most every Target... which saved many a youth from the wrath of Carly. Your Caribou Coffee really isn't our favorite, but the hoof mints are darn good. We got all "tatted" up when we came to visit... and brought home some very decorative skin.

Minnesota... we love you and also kind of hate you. We are blessed and forever changed by the time we spent with you. We will always remember you!! And hopefully soon we will meet up with you again!!

Workin it at WYSO...

2008-06-27T18:51:00.003-04:00

So. I never thought I would be this kind of person... but today I realized I am. Through an off comment that Kim made I realized that I fall into this grouping.... I have a real job and a fun job. I love my job. I think it is pretty sweet and I love my kids (I will love it a lot more next week canoeing the BOundary Waters I think!).... but I don't always enjoy it. There is way too much junk and drama that goes with it. I love it... but if I took a break from it for a while it would be OK!

Then I have my fun job. Kim says: "At least in your fun job you get to climb trees." Ahh yes... my fun job. Climbing trees and zipping off zip lines. THAT is a fun job. Even better is that since it is not something that I do full time I get to avoid all the general crap that goes on (I still get sucked in a little... I am a sucker for good drama... plus its that GIRL SCOUTS... that joint is ALL drama!!) I am a big fan of my fun job... and the general junk at my real job make me appreciate it even more... plus I get to be outside, occasionally sleep in a tent... oh, and that helmet I wear... that thing is AWESOME! (not!)

Today I went with Kim to her fun job. She is a fill in dj for WYSO when the regular mid-day host is away. SO. I got to appreciate my local NPR station, which I hadn't done much lately... AND I got to hang out in the radio room... AND I got to push "dump" a bunch when the music that we played had some not so promising lyrics. All in all it was fun to go with her and it was fun to see what life at Yellow Spring's NPR station is like.

And it was nice to remember why I love my fun job... and my real one!

Logan turns One!

2008-06-24T12:14:00.005-04:00

It's been a while... but I finally found my camera battery charger so I could get the pictures off my camera... and I have pics of Logan's first birthday party up in Cleveland on June 14th. So... here's the little guy I promised a picture of...

And... if it works (which it may not!) here is Logan giving me a little lecture...

Funnel Cake Friday

2008-06-24T11:50:00.002-04:00

I have always been a big fan of the funnel cake. I mean, really, I'm from Ohio. Ohio is ALL about the festival... and festivals are ALL about the food. By my calculations... the best festival food is a nice, slightly undercooked, slightly over sugared funnel cake. On Friday I spent the evening with my friend Carrie (and some new friends that I made along the way!) in the funnel cake booth at the Ascension Church Festival. Here we go...

This is Carrie and I as the fun was getting started. OK, so I was already a bit greasy from standing over the frying table... but whatever... I surely wasn't as covered in batter as I ended up!!

Carrie is a master funnel cake pourer. She makes quite the lovely and tasty funnel cake. It was a learning curve for me... but she taught me well!

I always tell people that I am a special kind of lazy. Like, the kind of lazy that REALLY wants to get things DONE. This is one of the fryers I was working... BEFORE I figured out how to fit FIVE funnel cakes in at a time. Impressive, eh?

So. You can tell that what we lacked in consistency of size we made up for in Zack's excitement to COVER the place in powdered sugar. Ahhh... Funnel Cakes!

After a bit more than 5 hours frying up the goods I must admit. Funnel cakes are STILL darn good. I had to work at camp on Saturday (including lightning and hail while sitting on my platform at 30 feet. SERIOUSLY) and at church on Sunday so I didn't get to return to the festival... but I look forward to funnel cake Friday again in about a year. MMmmmmmm!

Logan's First Birthday

2008-06-11T12:52:00.002-04:00

Hey all. Just wanted to let you know that it is nearly my nephew Logan's first birthday.

CRAZY.

My sister's blog hasn't been updated in a LONG time since her internet access is down... BUT... I am fully intending to post some pics of his birthday party there on Monday when I get back from Cleveland... and recover from the first day of Vacation Bible School.

So, you can check out pics on Monday by clicking the link to the left which is Updates from the Greens!

Annual Conference Week

2008-06-10T14:54:00.002-04:00

Ahhh. For the first day in weeks it is not 90 degrees. There is a nice breeze blowing in my office window and the air is not humid and gross. Gotta love a good Tuesday afternoon!!

This week is Annual Conference for the West Ohio Conference of the United Methodist Church. That means that the pastors and some other folks have headed up north to Lakeside to do the annual business of the church.

Here I sit in the office.

Every year people ask my why I don't go to Lakeside. I am sure there are many reasons, but I mostly don't go because I don't have to. Only Elders and deacons and lay delegates HAVE to go. I know they do some good teaching and they make some significant decisions... but being as how I am just a lay person working for the church I don't have a requirement to be there. And I like it. I like it because for this week I get to be in my office pretty much on my own... I get to get lots of work done and finally clean the camping gear and the youth house. I get to come in a bit later to work (and stay later- I promise!) and I get to just have peace... which is not something that is common in the youth house.

I love Annual Conference Week.
Of course.... I am not going to get EVERYTHING done, so if I could have another one next week that would be GREAT! Yes, please!

We'll call it a problem...

2008-06-02T13:07:00.004-04:00

I think I have a problem. It looks like this:

Ok... really, they weren't both for me. But seriously. I LOVE CARAMEL FRAPPUCINOS. The silver lining is that I REALLY don't like using disposable cups... and my travel mug clearly won't work for frappucinos. They don't have a non-disposable option as of yet. Also, I can't drink warm coffee on hot afternoons... and I am too lazy to get to work early in the mornings... so my starbucks days may be cutting back for the summer. HOwever, this is proof that I do in fact have a problem.

Satan, I name you the Caramel Frappucino.
hahahahahahaha

Memorial Day Weekend... YEAH!

2008-05-27T14:03:00.004-04:00

I love Memorial Day Weekend.

My love of the holiday is fairly recently acquired I admit. Not being particularly patriotic I have never fully appreciated the holiday weekend. NOw, I fully admit that I don't love it now for quite the right reasons, but I love it none the less. I recently came to the realization (quite late in the game, I admit!) that Memorial Day weekend marks the beginning of summer. AND I LOVE SUMMER. Therefore, I LOVE MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND. It is now officially acceptable to wear flip flops every day, sleep in my tent, and drive with my sunroof open. I have been doing those things anyway, but now America sees fit to recognize those things as OK... and I like it!

So, the last couple of years I have immensely enjoyed the Memorial Day weekend. This year was, once again, a great weekend. THe kind of weekend that REALLY makes you hate Tuesday. So, I decided to capture it in photos... here we go!

Saturday I worked at camp all day for Challenge Day. I worked with John, which was GREAT... not only because he is a VERY good facilitator but because what he likes to do on the course compliments what I like to do... so he belays and I climb and send people off the zip line.. and all is well. Thanks John! Saturday started with my new(ish) Starbucks travel mug courtesy of Carrie. It always gets to take a trip to camp when I go... usually filled with a Cinnamon Dolce Latte... NICE! Here it is with my platform in the background.. (THANKS AGAIN CARRIE!)

After some time with my morning coffee in the sunlight on the old swing platform, I did set up and packed the rescue bag... which took FOREVER... during which Cirstie took this delightful shot of me that I promised to put on my facebook, but this will have to do!

All that effort resulted in quite the nice rescue knot and such, so I thought I should document my fine work for all posterity. Nice knot... go me! (And praise the Lord, not put into use once again!)

After my amazing day in the sun on the challenge course I headed home, watched a movie and chilled... always a good choice! Then on Sunday I taught Children's Ministry (*kinda) and "worked out" with Kim. After purchasing a GREAT new pair of flip flops (as though that was needed... nope!) I headed to the lake to spend 2 days with my sister and her family. They were spending the weekend at the lake with their new boat and camper... and I must admit... it was a good time had by all! Ok, maybe not so much Duke, but Nickolas did keep a tight hold of him!

Finally it was home to Vandalia where I got the chance to see Katie McGrady-Weed and baby Vincent as they were flying home to CHarlotte. (Note to you all... I live 3 minutes from the Dayton Airport if you are in the neighborhood!) And cookie baking for today's Bible Study dinner. (I was too lazy for cookie sheets and did bars instead!)

Ahhh... Memorial Day weekend... just what I needed!!!

It's TRUE

2008-05-21T13:13:00.002-04:00

On Monday night I successfully completed THE major milestone for the MONTH of MAY. When May started I didn't even realize that it was one of my tasks.. but it was... and with the help of Kim on Sunday afternoon and then my dad on Sunday night (to correct all of our afternoon errors), I went to work on Monday evening...

AND I FINISHED PUTTING THE GRILL TOGETHER. Seriously. It was a HUGE accomplishment. Of course, I did slam my left hand fingers in the lid... and they are not feeling so great still today (grill lids are HEAVY!)... but IT IS FINISHED!!

The youth house officially has the nicest thing we have ever owned... its all in one piece... and miraculously I am a decent griller! I cooked burgers and dogs for Bible Study dinner last night and for the first time EVER they were actually well cooked.

As it turns out a decent grill greatly increases one's chances of a decent food coming off of it.

It's Wednesday, the sun is shining, and I feel I have accomplished something for the week!! Guess I better get on to doing my actual job!!!

May

2008-05-19T12:33:00.003-04:00

I am getting a little stressed out by the calendar again. Seriously. May... does it to me every time.
THis past weekend we had the youth rummage sale. (Which was a HUGE success once again, even if it was EXHAUSTING.) The big mound of stuff left over is under a big green tarp in the church yard. I call it our turtle. I probaby need to figure out what to do with it soon! We also had our Church Spring Party, with inflatables, games, lots of food, and a BBQ. The only technicality is that I bought a new grill about 3 hours before the party. The man at Lowes told me it would take about 30 minutes to put together. Yeah right. We ended up using our old, corroded grill off the youth house porch... and cooking the burgers in the oven. (And the grill is in about 10 less pieces on the back porch) ARGH!!! Lots of people came though, even though it was windy and a bit cold, so even though it was exhausting it was LOTS of fun too.

Now we are all in the second half of May and that is when I always start getting stressed. Just for a run down... May still contains: weekends at camp on the ropes course, the Memorial Day campout with my sister and her family at Brookville Lake (this could be TRAUMATIZING- they don't exactly camp the way I do!), graduations and graduation parties.

Then it will be June: spaghetti lunch fundraiser, campout and canoe trip, Logan's first birthday party in Cleveland, Vacation Bible School, and all the other usual stuff.

Then it will be July: nearly 2 weeks in Minnesota with the youth, a week in Arkansas with the youth, King's Island, oh, and my JOB in the office.

THen it will be August: another Vacation Bible School, Tar HOllow, cook outs, Young's Dairy, and gearing up for the beginning of the school year.

Throw into the mix of all those things the part about getting a new senior pastor in July, trying to take 24 hours in a row off work, and the fact that I really, really, really want to get the chance to spend time with some of my favorite people who I will be crossing paths with this summer... and I get STRESSED.

A big part of the problem is that I am much more of a go-with-the-flow kind of girl than a planner... and yet I have lots "planned" through August.

I LOVE summer.... but it stresses me out!!!!!!!!!

love yas.
lets cross paths soon!!

Dissilusioned

2008-05-01T19:00:00.002-04:00

This week I am supposed to be on vacation, finishing (or should I say STARTING) a grad class I need to renew my teaching certificate. Instead I have found myself at work every afternoon (few mornings I admit... but HEY I don't get to work many mornings when I am NOT on vacation!).... so very much to do... so very little time... really, what made me think that with rummage sales, Dragons games, campouts, VBS, family parties, mission trips, and all the other weekly stuff coming I could afford a week off, I am not sure... but none the less... not so much on the vacation this time around!!

ANYWAY. I heard some news today that made me feel very dissilusioned about what I do and the organization I work for. Now, don't get me wrong there... I dearly love my job (most days), I am passionate about what I do and I think that the organization I work for is an AMAZING group, capable of AMAZING things, and doing AMAZING good. (boy, do you think I think its AMAZING?!). Yet today decisions were made and PEOPLE will suffer... and I hate that. I hate that we get so caught up in wordings and politics and not wanting to take a stand or cause a scene that we forget that PEOPLE are suffering... and our decision AND indecision separates people from Christ.

ARGH. Today I am dissilussioned. I could go on and on, but I won't. I am annoyed, but more than that, my heart hurts for those this organization has very intentionally hurt and alienated. My heart hurts because I am not sure that there is any change my pitiful little voice can make. My heart hurts because I don't want to stand by while people are suffering.... I need to be part of a solution.

Playing Hooky

2008-04-21T11:03:00.001-04:00

Today is the most beautiful day. We have had a lot of those lately... which is SOOOO rare in Ohio... none the less. The sky is blue, not a cloud in sight. It should be in the mid 70s by mid afternoon.

Today I really wanted to play hooky and not come to work. I tried. I "overslept"... I took the dog on a walk... I thought about sitting on the deck all morning and watching the world go by.

But I didn't. I got in my car and drove to work.

Why am I so responsible!?!!?!!?!!

Epic Journeys

2008-04-17T14:33:00.002-04:00

In the driveway of the youth house there is a BEAUTIFUL tree. Every time I pull up the driveway to come into the office I see it. It is has pretty purple and white flowers and it seems to have bloomed out of nowhere. I wish I knew what kind of tree it is, but I don't. Today as I was looking for something in the front room I looked out and saw it. I thought, gosh, that tree is AMAZING... but it's beautiful flowers will be gone so quickly... replaced by normal green leaves... and I probably won't even think twice about it when I don't see it anymore.

Outside the window of my office, the fire circle that Kim and I built down by the tree line is covered in leaves still. We keep talking about cleaning it up so we can use it this summer... but we probably won't. We built it 2 summers ago and we still haven't had a single fire. We have the wood, the circle, the food to cook... we just never have the time or energy to do it.

I know of two people who are hiking the Appalachian Trail right now. They started in Georgia in mid-March and are somewhere north of the Smokies right now. I read their blog regularly to hear of their adventures and it makes me jealous. Partially because I have always wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail (and I mean ALL 2000 miles of it.) and I don't think I will ever find someone who wants to go with me... and partially because there have been a lot of days lately when I have wanted nothing in the world more than I want to walk out the door, into the woods, and just not stop for 6 months or so. Nothing to do but walk and breathe and sleep and experience the beauty of God's creation.

Sometimes I feel like I am desperately searching for the next big adventure. I mean there are exciting things coming up in the next few months. Things I can't wait to experience, even if they don't seem like they are working out exactly how I pictured them. Yet it seems every time someone talks to me they ask me when the next big adventure or trip is and where I am headed. Right now I feel a bit lost when people ask...

I guess in some ways I am tired of the adventures. Another town or city, another beach or mountain... I am ready for a real journey. Not the kind that will last a little while and then fade into the past. I am ready for something epic. Something that will challenge the ways I live and change the ways I think. An epic journey. That's what I feel like I need.

Maybe it is just the traditional "it's spring so Carly has itchy feet."... but I don't think so. I feel so stuck. So safe. So blah. I want to feel alive. I want to live on the edge. I want to be purposeful and intentional and passionate. But I guess I am a little scared... or maybe a lot scared.

I think I need an epic journey... or a change of pace... or a new perspective... or a different path for a while... and a companion or two for the road (or trail!)

Anybody up for ditching life for a while???

**PS. Not depressed... just thinking.

FINALLY!!!

2008-04-08T14:57:00.002-04:00

Today is a GREAT day.

Today I went to get lunch... and DROVE WITH MY SUNROOF OPEN. NICE. Spring is HERE.

Well, its here for a few days anyway. We had the most beautiful weekend of training on the ropes course at Rolling Hills. Great weather, great laughs and of course, climbing, swinging, and zipping... all my favortie things... good times.

Yesterday and today, 70 degrees, bright sunshine, sunroof open... ahhh.

I am loving it while it lasts, because Thursday I head to dreary, yucky Cleveland and then on to another weekend of ropes training... this time at my former home, Camp Whip Poor Will, where the rumor is it is supposed to SNOW.

ugh.

It will be fine though... because I am enjoying TODAY!

Three things

2008-03-31T18:20:00.005-04:00

I am so bad at staying in contact with people. I have realized this more and more in recent weeks as I have let e-mails sit unopened in my inbox. Not because I don't want to read them, but because I don't want to forget to reply to them. GAH! I am so bad at being in contact with people.

Ok, so life has been moving at a pretty hectic pace in the last month or so too... which is why I really need to get off my butt and do some communicating... but it is getting so bad that I don't even know where to start.

If I haven't e-mailed you back... I promise I will!! Just let me make it to April!!!

OK.

SO.

Three things in the last few weeks have been AWESOME.

Here they are:

1. My trip to the Dominican Republic.

Yup. I was nervous. My second adult mission team (Russia trip #2 being kinda the first)... my history of not always playing nice with others. It could have ended in a big old mess. Instead, after the blizzard cleared we left 2 days late... worked REALLY, REALLY hard... I got about 10 marriage proposals out of batay #7, one guy even wanted me to come live in the house that we were putting a cement floor in with him. Nice. Also funny when people think that I don't understand what they are talking about in Spanish. Uh. I do. It was a GOOD, GOOD trip. I got a ROCKIN tan... I must say, way better than anyone else on the team... WAY... good thing I spent all those years in Brazil practicing maximizing my tan potential!! It was quite the trip. On our last day, we even went to the beach. NICE!

#2. Holy Week
Ok, so usually Holy Week is nothing but a big old ball of stress for me. I hate it. Its kind of like the last few weeks of advent. I'd just rather sleep through it all. This year though, maybe a bit because of coming home from the mission trip on Palm Sunday. IT was good. REALLY good. Kim preached an awesome Holy THursday message about how everyone is welcome at the table. EVERYONE. Ohh-hoo. You know Carly loves that!! It was a good reminder and a good thing to hear with things the way they are. EVERYONE IS WELCOME... love it. Then we had communion sitting around tables at the front of the sanctuary, serving each other. OK, so I hate having to be so close to people... but let me tell you... it was GOOD.

THEN... the prayer vigil was Friday night to Sunday... and this year... it was EXHAUSTING. Less than 2 hours of sleep in 3 days... ugh. BUT... it was GOOD. I mean, really, really good. Kim had the idea of putting lanterns around... the idea of keeping watch... oh, it was GOOD. And it is just such a quiet, reflective weekend... which is awesome, since the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday seems so... lost. LIke, how are you supposed to feel and act? How can you be reverent? SO. Carly loves, loves, loves the Prayer vigil. (Even if I did start it as a selfish observance... it is GOOD!)

#3. Easter Sunrise Service.
Ok. So. Paper Lanterns. That is what I have to say. At sunrise on Easter morning the prayer vigil ended with the Psalms in the quiet, dark sanctuary. We went outside to the field and had singing, prayer, and SKY LANTERNS. Seriously... watching those things rise in the cold, cold air, after spending the entire weekend quietly and prayerfully. Yes. Good. Uh huh.

SO. That's the stories I have to tell.

Learning lots about God these days and being blessed, blessed, blessed in ways that I absolutely do not deserve.

Christ is risen.
Christ is risen indeed!

back in town

2008-03-17T12:08:00.002-04:00

AHHHHH. I am back from the Dominican Republic and my week of mixing cement and being harassed by foreign men.

I have to say, 10 marriage proposals in one week. What's a girl to do!

Really though, I had an amazing week serving amazing people in one of the poorest places I have ever been. Six of us put new floors into 8 house for 11 families while others pulled lots of teeth and treated lots of people in pain. I got to spend time with people from the church that I don't usually spend time with, because they are ADULTS! It was a trip that surprised me and blessed me...

and I plan to write more here in the near future.

For now... I am home. Kinda tan... and really tired!!

Trying to head south... kinda

2008-03-09T18:43:00.000-04:00

Ahhh. How often do I wish that I could spend a few days with absolutely nothing to do? How often do I wish that I could sit somewhere and not do a thing but sleep and eat and sleep some more.

Yesterday I was supposed to leave on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. On Friday it started snowing, turned into a blizzard and cancelled all our flights. Yesterday I got stuck at a hotel in Kentucky, waiting for the Cincinatti airport and the wonderful (sarcasm!) American Airlines to put me on a plane south.... to warm up this winter weary body.

Yet here I sit.

Since yesterday morning we have been hanging around the hotel. I am tired of it. Apparently having nothing to do is not as great as I like to think it is. I AM SO BORED!!!

Tomorrow morning at 7:15 we are apparently going to fly south. Of course, it IS supposed to snow again tonight, but there is at least hope for some warmth in coming days!!!

SO... my trip to the DR will be 2 days shorter than planned... but someday we ARE going to make it.

Kinda!

Ahhh. Life.

2008-02-26T20:24:00.004-05:00

Life can be so crazy sometimes. Sometimes I have this weird feeling that I am still living my life like I am 16 years old... that's certainly the way I tend to treat my body! I have this tendency to be a very big kid.... but at the same time I live a life and have a job that carries with it a lot of responsibility...

Sometimes I handle that responsibility well... like when I take the kids on mission trips to foreign countries and bring them back all safe and sound... or I organize big events and remember every little detail. Sometimes I am just that kind of person... detail oriented, mature, responsible.

Sometimes I lack a few of those parts... sometimes they escape me for a few seconds or minutes or hours and I make decisions that can only be described in hind-sight as not so bright. That, friends, is the story of my weekend. Here we go...

So. This weekend we had our second annual Winter Retreat. I started this tradition last year because my youthies LOVE to go on retreat. We go to Camp Otterbein, we have an AWESOME weekend together, we have a winter olympics (first lapse of judgement, one event is the downhill ice run. uh, yeah), we do a luge track down the hill from the outdoor chapel and down around some cabins (lapse #2), we eat lots of junk food, do crafts and generally act crazy... all while spending good times in lessons and discussions. It's winter retreat, its organized by me...

that's what you get.

This year I had another lapse of judgement. After an afternoon outside on the big sledding hill, with wet, cold feet (my #1 hate in the world), and snow packed into places I'd rather not discuss, I said to the kiddies "Hey, let's go inside and get warm... we can come back out and sled later."

That evolved into this...

We'll call it... NIGHT SLEDDING.

For the record. This is a BAD IDEA.

BAD in the fact that those nice, snowy hills refroze, our sledding configurations got more crazy.... and I ended up with near heart failure. BUT... lapse #1,000,00 of course was that I went down the hill too... 5 or 20 times... screaming the whole way, bailing out of my little saucer sled at the bottom to avoid taking the ice right into the creek bed... and going head over heels into the snow. Yes. This is a BAD IDEA because... I am 31 not 13.

These girls... they are teenagers. Their cute little selves can handle things that leave me bruised and sore for DAYS.

Any hoo it was a good weekend. These kids proved that Sulphur Grove Youth can play 4 Square ANYWHERE. They shoveled and scraped their way right to the bottom.

And this is all of us. Just before heading home. The snow and ice storm on Friday kept us from leaving as planned and we didn't get to camp until Saturday... but in the end.... it was one of the best retreats on record....

And just for the record...

I'm not getting any younger... my poor battered body can attest to that!

Who ME??

2008-01-14T17:44:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking a lot lately. (I KNOW right?) Its not really a new thing, its just something I don't really talk about all that much... you know... CARLY... THINKING. But the reality is that I do it quite a bit... so please, pick your jaw up off the floor and go with me here.

In recent weeks I have encountered this bizarre experience a couple of times that has gotten me really thinking about... change. See, a few weeks ago I had a very odd experience that led me to believe that either I have changed significantly in recent years or the perceptions that are held about me vary by the place they are connected with. Now that may make no sense to you, but try being me!! All of my life I have taken great pride in the fact that no matter what place in life your experience of me started from or what path you walked with me (for whatever time frame) the Carly you got is the authentic one. Some people tell me that I should keep thoughts to myself, others tell me that I should try harder to be on time, others that I need to dress more professionaly for work, and still others that I have a bit of a tendency to be a very big kid (oh, and sometimes a bit of a drama queen, but who's counting?!). The fact is that regardless of where you have encountered me you have probably experienced me as being a bit (hahaha) opinionated, tardy, wearing flip flops, having unbrushed hair, and mostly likely pining away for the beach or looking for an excuse to laugh. That's just me. That's who I am. Whether I was being the kindergarten teacher, the youth director, the camp director, or the tree climber, I have taken great pride for years in the fact that what you see is what you get.

OK. So apparently I have changed.... or who I am in Ohio is much different than who I have been in the past... or something happened to me that I am unaware of! In recent years I have become much more tolerant of loud children all around me, bodily functions being openly discussed, and spaghetti (YUCK!). I have also become more socially conscious, more passionate about life, more passionate about God, and more into loving people than telling them they are wrong. SO... yeah, apparently I have changed somewhat... but really... if you have spent any time with me you already knew those things. You probably already knew that I get a lot more caught up in the "yes"es than the "no"s. You probably already knew that my life and faith are somewhat liberal and I am all about loving people for Jesus, regardless of their life choices or decisions. I am... and I always have been.

Yet in the past few weeks my experiences have led me to believe that some people may have been misled about who "Carly" really is and what "Carly" is really for. So just to clear that up... if I have disappointed you with the person I have become, I can't apologize for anything except that I may have misled you in the past. If I have surprised you with the person I have become, I need to reevaluate the person I have been putting out there in the past. If you have not noticed any difference (save some small amount of maturity and gray hair) than YEAH!! and thanks for loving me in spite of my flaws.

NO worries friends! I am still here... still trying to be passionate every day, still trying to convince my feet to wear shoes, still threatening to shave my head if my hair doesn't get life figured out soon, and still being me... passionately searching for Jesus and loving his people along the way... cause really... that's who Carly is.

THanks!

**BY The way.... I in no way think that change is bad... It just seems that some people think that I am fundamentally a different person than I have been before and while I am always changing and growing... IT'S STILL ME IN HERE. (even if you don't recognize me under the fleece, the mittens, the scarf, the coat, the boots... etc... =))

Goodbye 2007...

2007-12-31T17:58:00.000-05:00

It seems appropriate that I should write a little something as I mark the end of 2007 (along with the rest of humanity!!) and look ahead to 2008.

I was riding in the car today with my nephew Nickolas, and he told me that he was glad 2007 was over, surely 2008 would be better... he's 5, I'm sure its been a rough one for him!!

I can't really say the same for how I feel about the end of 2007. It's been an amazing year to be honest. There have been some tough days and frustrations... but 2007 has been marked with amazing things as well.

It was hard to spend an entire year away from Brazil... for the first time in 6 years... but a blessing to spend time with amazing friends in Russia and Costa Rica.. and right here at home. It was hard to face frustrations on a daily basis, but a blessing to see so many new and exciting possibilities unfold. It was hard to see people I love struggle, but it was a blessing to experience the amazing things God brought to their lives.

This year we welcomed Logan to the family. We thought more than once we would be saying goodbye to Lloyd (the family dog) but he is still hanging in there. We said goodbye to the family home in Englewood.

This year I said hello to new friends in Russia, a new home in Vandalia, and new adventures in a variety of places. We started new traditions, like the Easter Prayer vigil and a Winter Retreat.

This year was also about keeping things the same in a lot of ways... I started my 4th year at Sulphur Grove, trained for the 7th year on the Challenge Course at WPW, and returned for a 3rd time to Costa Rica and a 2nd time to Russia.

There were lots of friends that I didn't see enough of this year... and a few people that I was blessed to spend lots of time with.

As I look to 2008, I know that there are amazing things in store... regardless of where this new year takes me... to the Dominican Republic? to Alaska? to Brazil again??

Thank you friends! Thank you for being part of my life and allowing me to be part of yours. Thank you for your support and encouragement. Thank you for putting up with my inability to be on time or answer my cell phone with any kind of consistency. Thank you for your love.

And now... on to 2008... CRAZY!!

Fall Retreat 2007

2007-12-14T13:36:00.000-05:00

A few weeks back the youthies and I spent an amazing weekend at camp. Fall Retreat is always such a good time... and finally here are some pictures of our weekend. God bless 'em... I love those kids!!

OH... and I am bad at formatting this kind of thing... so... yeah.

2007-12-11T13:38:00.000-05:00

FRUSTRATED.

Phone Conversation with a friend...

2007-12-06T15:44:00.000-05:00

This is the phone conversation I had recently with a friend...

Me: HHHEEEEYYYYY....
Her: HHHHEEEYYYY... whatcha doin?
Me: Driving, as usual... and hoping the man in front of me learns to drive in the snow before I have to rear end him...
Her: Oh...
Me: What?
Her: I just figured you were out changing the world again....

And a text from my friend in the south:

Hey. R u in the country right now? I can't keep track. Call me if u get a break today from saving the world.

Hmmmm... why do people think these things about me?? I am 100% sure that I am not living up to these two wonderful friends' expectations of my life... but then... am I living up to MY expectations of my life.. and more importantly am I living up to GOD'S expectations of my life?

I really do want to change the world.... why am I tying yarn to jingle bells all afternoon??

Back

2007-11-27T14:43:00.000-05:00

I am back in town...

Back from my time at the NYWC in Atlanta...
Back from visiting Katie in Charlotte...
Back from Chris and Katie's house in Greenville, SC.

Back.

Back with drama and trauma.

Soon I will blog my time at the NYWC which was AMAZING...
For now... I am back.

Logan update

2007-11-14T14:47:00.000-05:00

Little Logan is still pretty little, but WHOA is he growing!! He is weighing in these days at nearly 7 pounds, which is about... 7 times his birth weight!

You can check his latest progress here:
Updates from the Greens.

Just thought I would let you know that he is doing well. Still a ways to go, but better every day! Thanks to all of you who have been praying for him! Hopefully soon I will let you know that he is heading home!! For now, this is the most up to date picture available!

a Camp Birthday

2007-11-12T12:30:00.000-05:00

This weekend I went to retreat.

For the first time in my 31 years I spent the day of my birthday at camp... and I do LOVE camp... so it was a special blessing.

More to come on the craziness that was Fall Retreat, along with pictures! But for now.... thanks for the great weekend!!

on snow flurries and slacker attitudes

2007-11-06T16:17:00.000-05:00

So. I have not blogged in a while. But the snow flurries are falling outside and I should be writing fall retreat lessons inside, so it seems the perfect time for a quick blog!!

Since last I wrote here I have been to my best friend from college's wedding (very, very nice!), found out information that made my life more difficult, planned three trips that just might end up on the "highlight reel" at the end of my year, and struggled with tough situations. I have been inspired and disillusioned, excited and passive, educated and "schooled". I have learned how some things work together and I have not always been impressed.

Through all of the junk going on and all of the things that I struggle with, I have come to realize that... I am so blessed. At the end of the day, when the decisions are done being made and the hours and minutes have been spent, I realize that there has been more good than bad and I have learned an awful lot for the struggle. And really... struggle is not always a bad thing!!

So here I am... in my cold office, on a gray Tuesday, remembering that I do love my life and I am truly blessed, and no matter what comes of the days and weeks ahead, I will continue to love life and try to live these days for a bigger purpose than me!

hmmmm... guess I can't put it off any longer... on to fall retreat planning!!

Saying hello... saying goodbye.

2007-10-22T18:06:00.000-04:00

It is fall. It is time to say hello to beautiful leaves and amazing days outdoors in the cool autumn air. It is time for bonfires and campouts, retreats and cookie baking. It is time to enjoy rainy mornings in bed and playing outside with my wonder-pup, Nellie.

It is also time to say goodbye.... soon it will be much too cold for flip flops and the open sunroof (although I fully plan to fight on the flip flops until mid November at the earliest!!). It is also time to close up the ropes course for the season and put away my harness and ropes. BOOOOO!!! I spent an AWESOME day at camp Saturday... ok, so my flying squirrel group didn't show, but I did get to take a LONG hike through the trails at Whip Poor Will... on of my my long time favorite places to hike and camp... and I took some pictures...

So, hello to beautiful fall days, goodbye to another great season on the course(s). (OK, so I still have one or two more courses to facilitate this coming weekend, but it is supposed to be cold and rainy, so I am thinking I will mentally close out the season while the memories are so good!)

(This is a new unit I discovered that now stands where the old Nature cabin was... hmmm)

The trail once known as the "Peace Trail"... funny, I don't think I ever knew its ACTUAL name... it goes all the way from the pool out to Cedar Trails, without going through the Arboretum.

The cabin that is now where the Fernwood tent unit used to stand, which has a cute little side porch, but still a gross latrine!!

My little thoughts on Planet Earth...

2007-10-15T12:48:00.000-04:00

This weekend I had an amazing conversation with my youth about global warming. Now, I have to admit that we usually don't have conversations on that topic. Yet, when you walk 10 k together on a BEAUTIFUL fall morning, it comes into the picture. Especially since here in Ohio the temperature has been well into the 90's until the middle of last week. (Not that my flip flop loving feet are complaining at all!!).

Anyway, we had quite a conversation about it... also in part because of Al Gore winning the Nobel Prize for his work just last week. What I realized over the course of conversation is that kids today are a lot more aware of global environment issues than they ever have been before. They know about global warming, they have read and watched "An Inconvenient Truth" (which is a truly disturbing movie if you haven't seen it), they know all about conservation and recycling. The part that bothers me... is I am not sure it bothers THEM.

At the youth house we try to be good stewards. We use regular plates, cups, and silverware for our meals together and wash them by hand when we are done. We recycle our cans and plastic bottles. When we have to use paper plates, we use biodegradable ones that we put in the youth house compost pile. We rarely turn our pile, its true, but the animals around here do eat a lot from it, so that's not bad!! (Plus I have traumatic memories from childhood of turning the compost at Whip Poor Will on hot summer days. Gag, gag, gag.) We even scrape and compost paper plates during fundraisers and church wide meals that the youth help with.

I try to help them see the importance.

But I am not sure they do. I am not sure at all that it really matters to them, because I am not sure they see how it directly impacts them. That makes me sad... and it makes me worried.

We spend lots of time outside. We camp LOTS, we canoe, we hike. We don't have airconditioning in our youth house, so we save energy. We eat outside lots in the summer. Nature and the outdoors are important to me... and are becoming important to them....

But somehow they need to see beyond their sheltered views of the people doing the talking and decide to take action on their own. I know, I know... it is important to plant those seeds in them for the future... but if we don't get going soon... what will the future look like.

I worry. I need to find solutions.

There is hope... we just need to put it into action!