New Year Thoughts...

I have a little puny brain. I have a brain that cannot begin to comprehend how it is that 2009 has nearly ended and 2010 is here. I have a little brain that cannot comprehend that a decade has now past since I was sitting on the mall in Washington D.C, with Jennie, young and carefree and so excited about what the 2000s would hold. I have a little brain. A brain that cannot begin to comprehend all that has happened since that night, how much the world has changed, how much I have changed, how very much has happened.

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In the tradition I have kept of saying both goodbye and hello to a new year, I have begun to look back at all that has happened in 2009 (a whole decade is much too much to comprehend). So many times I have posted pictures here of things that have happened… with the promise of more to come. I never post the more! So here is what I will never forget about 2009, in semi-chronological order… (sorry, a lot happened, its pretty wordy!)

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Girl’s Chrysalis #47… a weekend that reminded me that I LOVE youth ministry, that I called to it, and that my passion for it (although it waivers) is as strong as ever. I learned that some things in life you just can’t deny. My calling to youth ministry is one of those things!

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Winter Youth Retreat happened with hardly any snow, until a huge storm hit late Saturday night…. During which I realized that I have become one of THOSE youth pastors… the kind that thinks night sledding on a dark, icy hill is a GOOD idea and everyone survives, thus not learning ANY kind of lesson!

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In Guatemala I held babies for a week. A week that forever changed my perspective about both missions and those who lead. I learned that I never want to be the kind of leader who leads by intimidation and condescending. I learned that my passion is to plug people into where they are called, not shove them into holes I have premade for them. I also learned that I LOVE GUATEMALA. I learned that holding babies for a week both soothes the soul and breaks the heart.

I learned that I am much more emotional than I like to admit.

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Challenge Course Training where Carrie and I imparted to a new generation both a love for the trees and knowledge that if not used correctly could kill someone is where I learned that with leadership comes great responsibility. (and that the peanut butter milkshake is sorely underappreciated.)

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This year’s trip to Brazil took me back to the place I love and call home. I met new friends and spent time with old ones. I learned the beautiful truth that you really can go home again and that absence really does make the heart fonder. I learned that old friends, who have loved you through the messes you make of yourself truly are the best. I learned that life is about loving, not always about letting go.

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In Louisiana I nearly sweated the skin off my body… and learned that the church has much work to do, and that being the hands and feet of Christ comes with great responsibility. I learned to lead even when I was scared that I could not fulfill the job. I learned that tears don’t always fall when hearts are broken. I learned that being responsible for those around us and around the world is more than something we should say, but something we should live.

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Just a few days after returning we buried a member of our youth group, a girl we loved, a girl we had prayed for without ceasing. In those dark, hard days I learned the value of simply loving, of living well, of learning to grieve and grow. I learned the heartache of losing someone far too soon and helping kids much too young to say goodbye. I learned the great responsibility of my job, of not only loving kids well but of introducing them to Jesus. I learned that time is precious and I can’t waste time waiting to tell them… for they are not guaranteed tomorrow.

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I went to Vermont and saw the amazing Green Mountains. I helped my youth to serve a community very much in need that no one necessarily sees. I enjoyed beauty and ate ice cream. I looked for moose and ALMOST walked on the Appalachian Trail.

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A few weeks later I returned again to Tar Hollow… a place I have long loved, where I have laughed,

cried, grown and changed… and realized that getting my way is not the most important thing… and that watching the meteor shower late at night on top of a slippery, cold roof on a cloudless August night is just as good for the soul as amazing preaching by a keynoter who became a friend.

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I celebrated long and hard with Carrie and Ryan when they got married… and learned the beauty of loving friends and holding them tightly, but with an open hand.

I traveled to NYWC in Atlanta with Abby. A fitting end to our year of traveling together. We saw mountains, but not bears, ate ice cream, but didn’t drink much coffee, we walked on the Appalachian Trail at Clingman’s Dome… and heard amazing words spoken by those who inspire me. I also realized that my calling is all about passion not place, and my ministry is all about pushing not settling… and that its ok to do something new.

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And so here I am in December. Through another ridiculous holiday where I remembered that even though my family is COMPLETELY insane, there really is no place like home.

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I learned other things this year too… things about friendship and fellowship and life. I learned that I am ok with the idea of love and am ready to admit I am growing up. I learned that gray hairs are earned and even though I cover them up, I have enough to prove that I am doing important work. I learned that I may not have made it to Africa or Peru this year, but the life I have lived is meaningful and full… and I have learned to be patient until those days come. I have learned that sometimes living your dreams can’t happen on your own timing, but waiting for God’s timing is far more rewarding. I have learned that standing still and settling are two very different things and that God just might enjoy proving me wrong. I learned that I will no longer make promises and speak words with certainty, when I have no idea where God will lead me (or tell me to stay) next.

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The new year is full of possibility… of unknown surprises and already planned adventures. As I prepare to ring in the New Year and new decade with people I didn’t even know that night in D.C, as I contemplate that that night contained some people (like Jennie) who I have lost completely, and others who have moved on to other places in life, it is hard to imagine starting a new one. It is my prayer and hope that when I ring in 2020 a decade from now that these people, from this night will be part of my life then too… along with so many amazing people who I already know and haven’t met yet. Life is unpredictable and uncertain. What God has for me in the new year and the new decade I am sure I cannot imagine. However, I know that I trust fully that it is in his hands. I will put it there each morning. I will place it before him… unlimited possibilities, an open heart to what is coming… and a willingness to let go of what holds me back. Those are my new decade resolutions!

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Peace friends. Have a safe and amazing new year!